Scarlett's Tomorrow
by Anandi
Summary: Scarlett is determined to win Rhett's heart.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Scarlett felt safe. It was midnight at Tara and she was in her old room, sitting on her bed and weeping heavily on Mammy's shoulder. She nestled her head on Mammy's bosom, relieved that she could vent her sorrow to someone who understood her better than herself. Mummy's gnarled fingers were gently stroking her black hair and she kept muttering.. "There..there,honey.. Stop your crying. This ain't like you. You've been crying two hours straight. You're gonna make yourself sick"

"I do feel sick." retaliated Scarlett, mournfully." I feel so sick I could cry for days. Oh Mammy.. Darling Mammy, tell me everything is going to be allright. Tell me Rhett will come back and we can be happy once again and live together in our old Peachtree house-"

Scarlett felt Mammy's large body stiffen underneath her frantic grasp and she raised her head to see Mammy looking sternly ahead. Mammy's lower lip was pushed out full and she looked very cross.

"Now Mammy, I know what that look of yours means." began Scarlett, sensing Mammy's wrath was brewing. "And..and I know I've always been stubborn but I.. I don't know what to do now. First Bonnie dies and then Melly..and now Rhett leaves me. Oh Mammy I'm not asking you to comfort me with lies or promises. I've been a fool I know that. But I can't bear any more harshness. I can't bear it. I can't bear it! If you must scold me, be kind." Scarlett laid her head on Mammy's bosom again. "Keep stroking my hair, Mammy...speak to me slowly and patiently. I will listen."

"There ain't nothing to tell that hasn't already been told, Miss Scarlett." replied Mammy, after a long pause. "Now this cause of yours.. that Mist. Rhett won't never come back... I think he will. That is what any honorable Southern gentleman would do. And Mist. Rhett is a fine gentleman. He won't leave his family jest like that-"

"But I've hurt him so much,Mammy. Do you think he could ever forgive me?"

"Miss. Scarlett, you just give Mist. Rhett some time. He'll come around. But you've gotta change. Just look at your Ma. You haven't seen a finer example of a Lady than Miss. Ellen-"

"Oh, I wanted to be just like Mother. She was always so calm and kind-"

"It isn't just that. Haven't you seen the way your Ma..even though she did most of the work around Tara, she always told your father about various goings on, kept asking him to make decisions, adding to his plantation- And your Ma didn't know the first thing about being anything other than a fine Robillard Lady from Savannah.. but she learnt hard and quick. She made friends with Georgians, raised you three with proper manners and worked herself tirelessly looking after the hundred slaves in Tara-"

"Yes?"

"That's what it is. You've got to do those things too. Its what wives do. You don't seem to know this. Now Mist. Rhett married ya thinking you can do the same for him. But you were carrying on like-"

"But Rhett isn't like Pa. He laughs at Southern customs. He says it bores him. Why he thought Southern women were too dull and predictable-"

"What a gentleman says and what he thinks are two different things. Mist. Rhett wants to be treated jest like any Southern gentleman." stated Mammy, decidedly.

"But Rhett's so secretive. He won't tell me what he wants directly. Hell just keep talking in riddles. And even more so now that I've hurt him"

"Miss. Scarlett..that's another thing you've got to remember. You can't expect too much from Mist. Rhett. Once a Southern gentleman becomes a father, it is the right thing for him to give all his love to his children. Whatever he might have promised you before, you can't expect those things now. "

"Oh!" Scarlett seemed rudely awakened.

"Just because you want to make things right now and have another baby, it don't mean that Mist. Rhett will go back to whatever he was when he first married ya. Those days ain't never gonna come back, honey. Both of you has changed and what with Atlanta changing and Miss. Bonnie's passing, nothing will ever be the same. But the chilrun's still there. You had better take Mist. Wade and Miss. Ella with you if you plan on seeing Mist. Rhett and if he starts anything put the children between yourselves. He has always set a store by those kids. He won't hurt you."

"Oh Mammy, I missed all those lovely days when I could have been happy with Rhett. Perhaps if I told him how I feel.. if I really tell him-"

"It wont change a thing but it may send him away. Miss. Scarlett, you remember how Miss Ellen knew your father's weakness.. Mist. Gerald had such a soft heart under all that hollering and bellowing.. but she never pointed it out or even mentioned it. She understood him well. You must be that way too. Next to quarrels, a man don't like to think the woman he loves understands his faults. A mans proud and full of honour. "

"Then what do I do?"

"Ma lamb, you just rest a few days and think over everything that went wrong. And then change those things. But mostly..like Miss. Ellen, you've got to care about the things he cares about. Remember your Ma. Remember what she taught you. I know times have changed and some of her advice wont work now but some of her words might help you."

"Mammy, Mother was so good. I miss her so much.. I'll try to remember, Mammy. I'll try not to let her down."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Scarlett lay on her bed quietly listening to the creaking stairs as Mammy ponderously shifted her massive form down the steps. She heard a soft knock on the door. Scarlett opened the door and saw the timid yet determined face of Suellen. "Suellen, you weren't listening outside the door-" cried Scarlett, detecting the look of guilt spreading on her sister's face at her accusation.

"Oh I don't care what you think. I feel hurt that you wanted Mammy and not me.. Why I would have listened to you, Scarlett-"

"And blabbed all over the County!"

"Oh no I couldn't!" shot back Suellen. Her face flushed red with the embarrassing yet honest assertion. "I promise I won't tattle.. Especially after Bonnie and Melanie's passing... Oh Scarlett, how could I ever be silly with you again? So many things have happened. I have been wanting to talk to you but I just didn't know how..And Rhett..he hardly recognised Will during Bonnie's service. He looked as if he wasn't really there. Did you know I've been praying for you every night and I even made a small embroidered pillow out of Bonnie's old frock she left here."

Scarlett's face softened lightly and Suellen took a step forward. Scarlett reluctantly let her sit on the bed. "How much did you hear?" pursued Scarlett, half crossly.

"I heard you sobbing. I think everyone, even Susie, heard it. And I came upstairs and I heard you were crying over Rhett. "

Seeing the consternation spreading on Scarlett's face, Suellen quickly entreated, "Scarlett, don't get angry. You don't know what I am going to say-"

"If you've come to gloat over me and strut around satisfied that you are so much better off with your happy little family- I...I don't need your pity-"

"Scarlett, I was relieved that even you felt these things. I mean, you have always been so strong. Oh darling, I was always so envious of you because you were so self assured.. But now I see that you have troubles too.."

"Troubles!" Scarlett huffed at her sister in scorn. A look of malice lighted her green eyes. "Aren't you still angry with me over Frank?!"

"Well, when I wrote you that letter years ago, I was furious. But after everything that's happened- After I married Will, so many things happened and I finally see how selfish I have been- I think I have quite forgiven you for taking Frank away.."

"What do you mean?" asked Scarlett, surprised by the tone of retreat in Suellen's voice.

"You remember when Careen and I finally recovered from our illness after the war was over and Sherman's army came marching into Georgia? I felt as though I had woken up from a nightmare into another nightmare. Only this one was much worse. Mother was dead and Pa was out of his wits. And you were full of ideas on getting Tara up and running. You had that strange glint in your eyes that was so frightening, Scarlett. And I needed time to get all this in. But there was no time and we were so poor and starving. And all I could think of was the old days and how fine everything was- I wanted good food and dresses, a fine carriage to travel and visit friends. And I guess I was blinded by fright.. not the fright that comes quick and hard.. but the slow, looming fear.. as if something is approaching and planning to engulf you and you can't do anything about it-"

Scarlett looked extremely guarded as she remembered her dream of running through the mist. She nodded her head once. "Yes?"

"I was so blinded that I thought I was doing the right thing, dragging Pa along Tara ans showing him Mother's grave and making him come to terms with her death. I.. I thought if he would only sign the papers and we could get the money that we desperately needed then everything would be allright. I never thought Pa would die." Suellen stopped as her voice broke. But she continued. "And everyone blamed me, I know. But Will was so kind. Scarlett, he has eyes that can see past your fears and right into your soul. He knows things, I don't know how. And Will is so very kind. He made me see that I had done what I did for my own selfish needs. Of course I didn't quite accept it at first. But over time, I understood. And now every time I get overwhelmed I try to calm myself and not think of money and things. And I love Tara-"

"I thought you said you hated Tara?!"

"Oh no! I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not like you Scarlett. Atlanta doesn't interest me and I am not as clever as you are. All I want is a peaceful, respectable home and the view of the curling red sands of cotton fields whenever I look out the window. There is something calming and wonderful about Tara. Something like home and safety."

"Oh Sue!" Scarlett came closer and Suellen hugged her. "It's so nice to hear you say these things. I never thought you would.. you were so spoiled.."

"I am not anymore. At least not after having two children..! But I owe it to Will Benteen. Scarlett, he is perfect for me. Wasn't it marvellous that he knew just how to restore Tara? Even if it isn't the huge plantation it was before, he made it into a fine farm and the front gardens and the lawns- they look so fine, don't they? I find I can respect him very much indeed.. with Frank, I don't think I would have. Frank was never actually interested in Tara. And Tara has been everything I've ever known."

"You haven't really told all this to Will, have you?"

"Oh yes, he knows."

Scarlett looked baffled and half-ashamed. "Didn't he laugh at you? What did he say?"

"Laugh at me? Why ever for?"

"Never mind. What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything. I learnt not to use him selfishly just for comforting myself. And I gave him respect and he loves me. Now we share our duties around Tara and the place is doing very well!"

Why do you think its selfish, Sue? Isn't that what love is? If a man loves you, he's supposed to be safe and comforting."

"No, that was what Mother was. I don't think anyone can replace Mother. Not even Will. And now that Mother is gone, I comfort myself when ever I get frantic over things. "

Scarlett cast her mind over how she used to drink brandy and use Ashley to comfort herself and looked genuinely puzzled. "I..I don't understand. Aren't you ashamed of all that?"

"Scarlett, we were brought up to be ladies in a different time. Back then, the worst trouble we could have gotten ourselves into was by marrying a man who came home drunk and we had to send for our servants to carry him inside and take off his boots. Mother raised us to be ladies in that world. To bear our burdens with grace and to be gentle and kind. Being kind in this new world takes so much effort! Will understands all this. Men know even lesser than us, Scarlett. They are just overgrown boys who like to showoff and they just love praise. Whenever I appreciate Will, he swells up.. you can't see it in his face but he walks taller and there's a twinkle in his eyes that only I can see-"

"Our world has changed, hasn't it?" said Scarlett. She gazed at her sister in surprise and admiration. "If only I could be half as kind to myself as you are, Sue" she thought, wisely choosing to be silent over her own heartaches. As much as she wanted to be close to Suellen, she felt highly suspicious and decided to keep her thoughts to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

A week had gone by and a very sweetly worded letter arrived from Charleston to Scarlett. It was written by Rosemary, Rhett's sister, requesting her to visit the family. Scarlett read the letter twice, the second time, her eyes dwelt with pleasure on the words of kindness to her and to her children. Rosemary explained Rhett's visit in the first paragraph, then went on to say how she would like to know Scarlett. She ended with a few lovely sentences on Bonnie.

Scarlett set down the letter and thought a bit. She remembered Rosemary, although she had seen her for the first time during Bonnie's funeral. Rhett's family had stayed on for a week and while the stately Mrs. Butler had hardly paid any compliment to Peachtree house, Rosemary had walked the length of the house, looking earnestly for popular architectural styles and always found something to appreciate. Yes, she remembered Rosemary. She came up to Rhett's shoulder, her head of dark brown curls and wearing traditional pre-war bonnets and dresses. She was a very satisfied spinster. This fascinated Scarlett. She could understand India being an old maid. But Rosemary was so different. Rosemary had a sense of humor. While she wasn't pretty, she did have a slender frame and a sweet expression. Her soft serenity of countenance which occasionally broke to reveal a rather impish grin must have delighted Charleston gentlemen. She also couldn't understand why Rhett's mother wouldn't encourage Rosemary to marry.

Scarlett thought of Charleston the city and dreaded the visit. She couldn't stand their accents, their manners and snobbery towards north-country Georgians. But Rosemary had mentioned that Rhett would soon arrive at their house on the Battery and how lovely it would be to spend Christmas together and Scarlett relented. She had to win back Rhett.

* * *

Scarlett went to Charleston with Wade and Ella. She stayed there for a month until one day, the butler interrupted their reading circle to give the news that Mist. Rhett had arrived. The entire party, Mrs. Butler, Rosemary, Mr. Addison - a war veteran, Miss. Susan and Miss. Julie - the young ladies who belonged in the circle rose up to leave for the dining table where Rhett would join them. Scarlett felt thrilled to see Rhett once again. She tried to keep her mind on the group but her eyes kept wandering to the door from where Rhett would appear. She was determined to look completely in love just as Rhett walked inside. She was planning to give a dazzling smile and ready to look warm, loving...even mother-like.. anything that would make Rhett trust her and love her once again.

But no Rhett appeared. Mrs. Butler asked for dinner to be served as she was a very punctual woman. She prided herself on punctuality. And Rhett's place was empty. That was when Mr. Addison began his story. Scarlett wasn't paying much attention until the following words fell on her ears.

"I found it frightfully hilarious. There I was, drenched in the rain, my boots torn through and my tent flapping away in the wind and I unwrap a parcel and lo, behold, there in my hands I hold some well knitted socks and a note inside telling me to cheer up and fight victoriously for the glorious Cause."

The group around Scarlett chuckled lightly and Scarlett looked around mildly bemused. There was nothing funny in the story.

"Oh Addison, if you thought it so contemptuous, you should not have accepted such a present!" accused Miss. Susan.

"That is not the point. The point is, our women have sunk to a level where they form their own sewing circles.. a mixed group, my dears, and knitted these things. A mixed group- what is the world coming to? Whatever happened to the ideals that women were raised with?"

Again Scarlett looked puzzled. "What were they talking about?", she thought. "Didn't the socks fit?"

But the chuckles died down and Miss. Julie began again. "I think it would have benefitted me to learn how to knit socks. I suffered a great deal during and after the war. I dare your consternation and express my admiration for these admirable ladies, Mr. Addison"

"Admire?! Admiration of this type is recklessness. Of course you are very young and therefore any reckless bravado from you must appear very charming yet entirely innocent!"

Miss. Julie leaned back in a flutter of giggles which Scarlett found annoying.

"But these low-country ladies-" began Addison, off guard and instantly Rosemary hushed him across the table. Addison looked at her and then stole a glance in Scarlett's direction and began to concentrate on eating his soup. That was when Scarlett realized that they had been talking about the ladies in Atlanta.

"Why.. why they had been insulting the hardworking ladies of Atlanta!" cried Scarlett's mind. "These people are such snobby cats. They think they are so much better because they never rolled bandages or served in military hospitals during the war. They think it is a slight on their social rank! How much more dull and hypocritical could these people get?!"

Scarlett's drew up and her eyebrows rushed together in a dark frown when she saw Rhett across the table, laying a napkin across his knees and picking up his fork and knife. When he looked at her, he bowed, slowly, full of exaggerated importance towards Scarlett. The very sight of him incensed her, although her a fleeting moment, she was relieved that he looked his usual self.

"Forgive me for arriving so late at the table and missing all the gaiety, Mr. Addison. Good evening, Mother. I am glad to see you and my sister looking lovely as usual. And my wishes to Miss. Julie and Miss. Susan, Rosemary's library circle I gather. And now getting back to the curious subject. I am afraid, Mr. Addison that your story might have affected my wife rather adversely for she participated in this sewing activity that you have just described."

Rhett threw a contemptuous glance across the table at Scarlett.. that old baiting tone that brought out the tempest in her. "Of course, Scarlett would cover up her true sentiments with sweet smiles and politeness. She would sacrifice frankness and intelligence to reply sharply to any challenging statement, just like any well-brought up Southern lady-"

"Certainly not." cut in Scarlett, her temper rising sharply. The girls looked surprised and Addison looked very uneasy. They all waited politely and bemusedly for her to go on. But Scarlett realized she was falling into Rhett's trap. No, she wouldn't reply sharply. She wouldn't be frank. She couldn't risk having them all stare at her. Instead she smiled sourly. With an effort she stilled her heavy, excited breathing and spoke curtly. "I think Mr. Addison was only bringing a lightness into the conversation and Rhett is unnecessarily doing the opposite. We certainly wouldn't want to start a fight!"

"Aah, then there is something to fight..er.. argue about, isn't there, my love?"

Scarlett looked pleadingly across the table.

Rhett grinned devilishly.

"What do you think about this matter, Rhett?" asked Rosemary, innocently.

"I think that although the sentiments of the "low-country" ladies-" Rhett paused sufficiently to make everyone at the table uneasy and Scarlett furious and then continued, "are rather admirably child-like, the intention was to be of some practical support to the Confederate Army."

"There! My brother has laid his finger on the right spot. Practicality! I adore the Atlanta ladies for it! They were courageous and practical. Mixed circles are risky but the times were difficult and one should not be so severe in one's judgements-"

Scarlett sunk back in gloom. She realized that Rosemary was defending her but she resented her for it. Somehow these Charlestonians thought they were better than Georgians but she could see nothing but snobbery and hypocrisy at every turn. She detested Charleston.

Goodness! If they thought merely sewing with a group of women and slaves was vulgar, imagine what they would think if they knew she'd delivered a baby, picked cotton, ran a store and two mills!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

After dinner, Addison, the two young ladies and Rosemary left for a stroll down the Battery in the warm night air. Mrs. Butler rose up, very erect and walked slowly to different rooms giving instructions to various servants for the next day. Rhett chose a cigar from his case. He lit it and casting a long eye across Scarlett, he walked to the stone balcony that gave a view of the sea. Scarlett followed him, her heart quickly beating harder and faster, a warm excitement filling her for she was near Rhett again. How coldly he had parted from her a few months back and how grim and tired he had looked. But he looked well now. And from his sarcasm and baiting tone, he almost seemed like the old rascal she knew from long ago.

She wanted to lean on him, tell him how much she missed him and loved him. But the violence of her emotions, swirled madly in her heart- a mixture of love, adoration and hurt and doubt. She went near him but she could not speak. When he turned, she merely raised her eyes, full of warm feeling and longing. She smiled tightly for his previous tone of disinterest and indifference still inspired fear in her heart. The last thing she wanted to do was to throw herself at his head.

Rhett grinned lightly. "Well, Scarlett- to be absolutely frank, I am quite glad to see you-"

"You are, Rhett?" echoed Scarlett, blinking away a sudden tear. She tried to speak something more but she couldn't. Words would not come.

"We parted under such bleak circumstances. I came here to Charleston and I can finally experience the comforts of this house, my own architectural design. I do like this house very much."

"The house?" asked Scarlett, bewildered. And then she quickly recollected, "Yes, this house which you built for your family. Oh, it's lovely. I like it very much too."

"Really?" asked Rhett, a hint of mockery in his smile. "Doesn't this house pale in comparison to your dark, overdressed,red stone monstrosity with its verandas, its cuppolas, turrets, towers, balconies- the iron statues and that hideous gazebo on the rolling lawns-"

Scarlett hadn't expected this turn of the conversation. For a moment she looked at a loss for words. Just why had she built such a huge mansion? Oh yes, the carpets made her forget the hard floor she slept on and the feather beds were a glorious replacement for her straw-stuffed bedticks. When she remembered this, a furious blush spread over her face and she herself could see how childish and self- centred she had been. She stared back at Rhett, looking very small and sheepish, like a child that had played for too long with toys beyond its understanding and was caught red-handed. Her mind rushed about, furiously gathering smart repartees of Rhett being of no help when she had built the house, of his various curt comments such as comparing her house to Belle Wattling's etc.. But even as her mind shouted words of retaliation, her heart, heavy and sad, quietly chided her to be silent. She felt ashamed. One week in the Charleston house had taught her a lesson. While her house was finer, more splendid and a treat for the eyes, it was too much for her to manage. It hadn't enough light to make it inviting to the pattering feet of her children, the architecture was too Gothic for anyone in Atlanta to relate to, or with whom she could talk about her house without them looking all at sea. The ballroom was magnificent but just who had she planned to invite to dance at her balls?! The people of Atlanta would never feel at home in such a mansion and strangely neither did she. Her heart twisted painfully within her and she did not speak at all. Instead she dug her toes awkwardly and diverted her eyes.

Rhett studied her face and calmly changed the topic of conversation. His face was a smooth blank so Scarlett could not even tell if he felt her discomposure.

"I was glad to see you, Scarlett because you would give me a frank opinion of Charleston."

Scarlett cheered up at once. She came closer, "Oh Rhett, as much I like this house and your family, I can't stand Charleston!"

"How do you mean?"

"Well, you know how we have servants and I know each of them. I mean I know about Pork. If you ask me, I'd tell you instantly that he was a bit slow but faithful as an old hound dog and very loyal. And good old Mammy, I'd tell you at once that she can be overbearing and even bull-headed at times but she has a heart of gold. But your family and any other Charleston family seem to think that servants do not have any own opinions or preferences. They treat them like pieces of furniture- I can't explain it. I only find it all too catty and snobby. In our house, Mammy at times even told my Mother what to do. She took charge. I trust her with all my heart. I could never think of her or anybody else as just servants.. I couldn't. And all this talk of me being half-Irish and my kinfolk on Pa's side. I believe I once saw Rosemary planning to attend a reading circle at her cousin's house without inviting me. And when I asked her about her cousin, she looked very uncomfortable and half-heartedly offered an invitation which I flatly refused. I was never one for begging companionship- And this endless trips to plays, theatres, musicales and cultural gatherings.. I always preferred the company of men who could ride fine stallions and dance well. But Charleston men only seem to stand around and talk.. and not even to the women but to themselves.. like a flock of sheep, chewing grass. What could men have to talk about besides war and gambling? And the women think they've reached the pinnacle of refinement if they just turn up their noses and spout poetry all day.. taking clippings and preparing snippets and things.. Well, I know Melly knew as much as these women and she was from Georgia. Now if they had real Europeans living among them or real English folk, then I would be impressed.."

Rhett chuckled softly into the night. His old smile was back and Scarlett felt encouraged. "Oh Rhett, I don't know how you can bear to be here. I mean, I know its your family and you want to find something of the old world but Rhett you never fit in there in the first place. Didn't you say you couldn't stand falsehood of any sort?"

"You painted a very frank portrait, my dear.. you have accurately hit the points were this society appears impractical and rather laughable. But have any of the old sentiments appealed to you?"

"I see your Mother is similar to mine. She could see you with your women, a drink at your elbow and a wallet full of new notes and all she would see is her son from Charleston and if he ever gave thought to completing his studies at West Point or making amends with his late father-"

Rhett burst out laughing at this. He evidently felt very amused.

"She sees only what she wants to see and everything else just isn't there. Just like my own Mother or any other lady for that matter-" sighed Scarlett. "And I suppose according to her, every burden is to be borne with pride and honour. Rhett, do come back to Atlanta with me. We can rebuild the house together, start our lives afresh-"

"I thank you, no-"

"Can't you find it in your heart to forgive me for everything that happened?"

"It isn't that" murmured Rhett, quietly.

"Then what is it? Why can't you come back? I told you so many times that I loved you."

"What about Ashley Wilkes?"

Scarlett grew desperate. "Rhett, listen.. I was a young girl when Ashley Wilkes first came home from his long trip to Europe. He came riding out to Tara and he looked like a knight in shining armour, so gallant, so gentle and chivalrous. And I thought he loved me. He treated me very kindly, spent more time with me, explaining wonderful things which my mind could never grasp, but he thought I could.. and I felt important. As if I was the person Mother always wanted me to be. And I thought I loved Ashley. But in the end I was so wrong. Ashley was full of ideals that could never be possible in the new, changed world. And when I stopped chasing after him, I realized I loved you all along. Oh Rhett, I am sorry for everything-"

"That time is past."

"But how could you possibly live here? You will never be one of the Charleston society!"

"I don't intend to be. But it does feel soothing to be respected even if people turn a blind eye to one's faults."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Rhett began to head inside and walk up the wide stairs. Scarlett hesitatingly followed.

"Rhett" began Scarlett, fighting desperation from her voice and clenching her knuckles to keep her hands from shaking. "I've respected you since I first saw you at that barbeque at Twelve Oaks. I know I never admitted it, but in my heart , I did. When Cathleen Calvert told me that you had been ostracized from your family just because you wouldn't marry a girl after taking her buggy riding, I respected you because to me that looked like common sense. A man shouldn't have to marry a fool just because an accident caused him to be stranded with her the whole night. "

Scarlett walked quickly, her breath coming in short gasps. "And.. and I respected you from the way you sized up the profits in the war,your predictions, even your schemes.. I could somehow understand that you were doing at a larger scale what any Southern gentleman was doing. And I always respected you for getting me out of tight spots because you always did something, even if it always want the right thing. I loved you for you thought like me. I could tell you anything and you wouldn't be surprised. I know I've always chided you about Bonnie.. But I think I was jealous and that made me spiteful. I thought you were a fine father..and when I was pregnant again, I wanted it to be a boy, as dark eyed and handsome as you.."

Rhett turned to Scarlett as she said this and looked long and hard at her. Scarlett could detect no love in his gaze but some other emotion, equally intense yet rather forbidding seemed to darken the bold features of his swarthy face. Scarlett jumped as she suddenly felt his hands gripping her shoulders. She was jerked up, and in an instant, her face was so close to his that his hot, heavy breath formed drops on her lips. He began to kiss her, at first slowly and then raising intensity. His hands went around her waist, pressing her against the hard muscles of his solid frame. Scarlett returned his kisses but as his fingers roughly dug past the lacings of her dress, she suddenly drew back. It was a faint movement, a momentary hesitation but Rhett caught it easily.

"Still putting on your charms and airs, I see-"

"Of course not!" snapped, Scarlett. "And if I did,it was only to look into your eyes for some hope of reconciliation.. of love..."

"I told you I don't love you-"

"Then why did you kiss me?"

Suddenly Rhett's eyes lit up with a blazing fiery light. His hands pried open the front of her dress and he pushed his head against her chest. Scarlett's heart beat as fast as a drum. "Who is going to calm down that tempest in you?!" asked Rhett, angrily. "Me?!"

"Rhett, please-" said Scarlett, her voice breaking under the emotional strain.

"Shall I come back to you to Atlanta and you set off on some other obstinate adventure, deny any fault or absurdities on your part and use me for calming your fears.. What about my freedom? Even now you come to me like child. You don't even realize how much things have changed after Bonnie's death. How much I've changed... I do not love you. I do not love the tempest in you.. It frightens me! I might lose myself forever-"

Scarlett wiped her years and stared back at Rhett. He turned away. She began to speak,

"I've watched you, Rhett Butler. I saw you looking exhilarated during that night when the Yankees set Atlanta on fire. I saw you gazing at the leaping fires with enjoyment and contempt in your eyes. I know that you are used to tempests.. And I know it attracts you...you are attracted to chaos."

Rhett turned back and he was staring at her in surprise and shock.

"You think I don't notice these things.." said Scarlett. "But I do-"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 **Rhett looked startled but at the very next moment, when Scarlett was so sure that he would erupt into a passionate fit, his harsh features seemed to lose their intensity. His eyes grew frighteningly blank and his face looked smooth as if a mask had come upon it. Scarlett's eyes widened in anger and fear. Again it struck her how similar Rhett looked to Ashley on that wintry day at the orchard.**

 **"I'm tired" said Rhett, in his impersonal drawling tone. "Are you planning on spending your night here in my room, Mrs. Butler or do I have to-"**

 **Scarlett bit back angry tears. She trembled as she swallowed the bitter pill of disappointment. And yet she felt as if she were swallowing a knife. Her heart twisted within her.**

 **"You are a coward!" she cried, in genuine puzzlement and despair. "Just like Ashley. .He was afraid to leave his world of Twelve Oaks and meet realities..to get out and meet people..even if things were different.. Both of you promised me safety and love but both of you are cowards. I loved Ashley for the gentleman he was, his elegant Twelve Oaks, his manners and refinement but as soon as I shared my feelings, he shut me out. Honor! Ha! He was a coward. And you.. I fell in love with you because I finally saw that we were both alike. Selfish, unscrupulous and I liked what I saw in you. But when I told you how much I loved you, you are also shutting me out-"**

 **"I already gave you my reasons" replied Rhett, slouching in his armchair. He looked at her through disinterested eyes. "Its no use, Scarlett. What is broken is broken."**

 **"Do you love me..even a little? Oh say you love me.. I can't live like this-"**

 **Her voice rose to a mad crescendo. She stumbled to the bed, flung herself upon the pillows and began to sob bitterly. "There's nothing left for me!" she cried, her heart sick with sorrow. "Nothing to live for." Sc** **arlett sobbed until she grew tired and her eyes felt heavy and drowsy. Yet in her delirium, something in her began to break. Like a small ray of light shining from within her. "She's just a child.. she's just a baby.."**

 **"That's Melly" thought Scarlett, foggily. "Dear kind Melly.."**

 **She felt Melanie soothing presence stoop down on her and gently run her fingers over her black hair.**

 **"Melly, I tried.. I tried to be kind but Rhett doesn't want me.. doesn't love me-"**

 **"Of course he does"**

 **"No he..."**

 **"Everything is all right. "**

 **"No it isn't. I've ruined everything!"**

 **"He has gone back just like Ashley-"**

 **"I don't believe it. Not Rhett. I don't believe it."**

 **Suddenly Scarlett sat up. She took one glance at Rhett and then quickly walked to his desk of drawers. She took a deep breath and opened one. It was full of papers. She wrenched open the other. It was full of papers too. She opened all of them in quick succession.**

 **By now Rhett was looking at her curiously.**

 **There was a small cabinet near the bed. It had one drawer. Scarlett walked over and pulled it out. Her breath caught in her chest when she saw Bonnie's velvet frock folded inside. Her hands began to shake. She took it out and stared at Rhett as her frightening suspicions began to come true. She looked again and there was Rhett's gold watch which was bashed on one side because Bonnie had thrown in while playing. Then there was a lock of her hair, her drawings, some riding gloves, her picture. And underneath everything, there was an envelope. Inside was old theatre tickets to the plays Rhett had taken her during their honeymoon, the bill of the National Hotel where they had stayed in Atlanta, and a locket with a picture of Scarlett just before he married her. He had jokingly asked for it and she, eager to please in hopes of matrimonial comfort, had eagerly provided him the picture. It showed Scarlett, her hair combed into a simple chignon and dressed in a rather ordinary print dress. The expression on her face was sweet..none of the hardness that the war had brought on. And on the other side was another picture of her, her fashionable self, wearing a lace collar pinned up with a diamond brooch. There was an impish grin on her face, the picture that Scarlett wasn't quite ready to pose for so it came out natural and rather pretty-"**

 **Scarlett cupped her mouth when she saw this and stifled a sob. She ran to where Rhett was seated and fell at his knees. "Rhett, don't look back-" she cried. "Oh darling, there is so much more to our life. The happiness isn't confined in those old memories.. Don't look back!"**

 **Rhett smiled faintly for he saw that she finally understood what he had been saying all along.**

 **"Its all over,isn't it? You won't listen to me. You are going to retreat into memories"**

 **Rhett quietly stood up and walked out if the room.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Rhett did not return that night and Scarlett wearily changed into her nightgown and sat at the vanity nursing a throbbing headache. She understood now that Rhett too had somehow lost his spirit, just like Ashley. It was all over. If Ashley remembered her in the apple-green dress at his barbeque, Rhett would remember her in her plain widow-black silk dress and vaguely smile to himself while ignoring her true self which pleaded and cried to him for renewal of love. He would live in the past and look at the rest of the world through those old reflections.

"I am that sentimental"

.She recollected Rhett's words.

But she couldn't dismiss Rhett as a child. "No, it can't be. I don't believe it. Not Rhett.."

Without Rhett, she might as well give up too. But she couldn't give up. Why, she hadn't yet begun to live. Whoever she was until now, that wasn't her. It was all for Ashley. Now..only now, her real self must emerge. But even Scarlett felt confused. Exactly what must emerge she did not know. She had a huge mansion, taller than any other house, even the governor's house, at Peachtree lane, her beautiful fields of Tara, a neat store in the middle of town. What more could she possibly do? How could she possibly interest Rhett. He knew everything about her. She was like a trinket being cast aside because it had lost its newness or shine.

An unexplainable despair crept over her, a feeling so strong it threatened to crush her. She heartily wished for a glass of brandy, Anything, to silence the tumult of voices in her head. Voices judging her harshly, voices talking about her in disgust and contempt, soft pitying voices.. She couldn't stand pity-

* * *

Rhett never came back to the house at all. Scarlett waited earnestly for him, now remembering to bring Wade and Ella into the conversation she planned to have with him. She wouldn't sound so desperate now. She would be kind and even comforting. Anything to secure Rhett again. But there was no sign of Rhett,

A week later, she overheard Rosemary asking her Mother when Rhett would reach France. That was when Scarlett realized that he had actually gone on a trip to Paris. The entire family seemed to know except her.

"He doesn't want me" thought Scarlett, frantically. "Can it be any more clear?!" A feeling of shame washed over her for thinking that he might love her again. Her vanity which was already lower than it had ever been was fully crushed. And everyone knew before her. How horrible. She felt she was the outsider trespassing on the Butler premises. She should have never come to Charleston. When Rhett had walked out of her Atlanta home, she should have turned her heel and built her life without him. She should have-

Holding back her tears and the searing pain in her heart, she decided to inform Mrs. Butler that evening that she would leave the following day to Atlanta with Ella and Wade.

* * *

"Leaving so soon?!" said Mrs. Butler, looking surprised and a little disconcerted. She spoke in a slow drawl that was pleasant to the ears. "But my dear, why? You have just now arrived with the children. I hoped you would stay with us till Christmas."

"No I couldn't possibly-" said Scarlett, her spirits so downcast that she couldn't even look alert when she said the words.

"I see." Mrs. Butler gazed at her, as if trying to understand the change in her tone and words. "You look a shade paler, Scarlett. Are you ill, child?"

"Oh no." replied Scarlett, with a faint smile. "I'm all right."

"But you look so dispirited." observed Mrs. Butler, watching her face keenly. "I know I haven't spoken many things- the death of my grandchild, the death of a young lady who I heard was like a sister to you. I know I could have inquired into these things."

"It isn't that. It isn't. Oh, I only wish to be home because.. because I miss my home. I.. I don't think I-" Scarlett's sullen voice drained away.

"Will you come into the library, Scarlett. I wish to speak to you in private." said Mrs. Butler, seeing that she was at the break of some great strain which seemed to tear at her strength. "Do not be alarmed, my dear. What I have to say concerns Rhett."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Mrs. Butler seated herself in a tall armchair by the furnace and looked at Scarlett through hard yet bright eyes that were as coal black as Rhett's. Scarlett sat glumly on the sofa opposite to her. Mrs. Butler was a tall woman, elderly and graceful, possessing the calm dignity that was characteristic of the people of Charleston. Her iron grey hair was coiffed in a simple yet impressive style,her gowns were all either of subdued colors or black. She wore a heavy gold chain and a large emerald brooch and a single gold ring, thick and simple, was the sole ornament on her fingers.

She spoke slowly in that Charleston drawl that was so pleasant to the ears.

"I am not accustomed to talking openly about my children. They all have their strength and weaknesses just like others and God has been good to each of them. But I make an exception in Rhett's case. My son's life, I fear, has been an open book for the people here in Charleston. I have tried to settle rumors as best as I could but one can only do so much against waggling tongues. And when Rhett introduced you to me, I understood you to be quite exceptional to have married him despite so many ill- favoured stories. And now after the death of my only grandchild, I find I must speak to you about my son."

"I come from a family of four sisters, I am the youngest. We were brought up in rigorous discipline. When I married Mr. Butler, I was determined to inculcate the same lessons I had been taught of discipline and penitence in my own children. When Rhett was born, I suffered a few complications which resulted in a temporary lapse in my abilities to nurture my infant child." Mrs. Butler paused here a moment and then continued. "Rhett was a different child from the start. We weren't happy with the difference. My husband wanted a son who would follow his footsteps with unfaltering, unwavering obedience. His values, his opinions, his ideals, his goals were taught and re-taught to Rhett since his early childhood. But Rhett would not obey him, or obey him only out of complete necessity.I thought during those early days that my son was unnaturally rebellious and perhaps even ill-natured. When we punished him, he wouldn't seek us for a reconciliation. Most children would feel ashamed and be quick with their apologies and excuses. But not Rhett. He would be afraid but he wouldn't seek us at all. And even if he did, there would be no remorse and no attempt to understand our sentiments."

Scarlett looked up at this. Mrs. Butler continued to speak.

"He never showed any that forms of attachment a boy might show to his parents, signs of affection or an interest to show us something he had done or seen.. but there would be episodes. Episodes of such remarkable love and tenderness.. followed by nothing at all if not the absolute inexcusable , contemptible behaviour. One of my memories was seeing him tip toe out of our room with his father's boots which were soaked when Mr. Butler got caught in an unexpected bout of rain and carefully lean them against the furnace grill so that they might be dry again. But that followed by the incident of us finding him committing fraudulence to win his school friend's compass. Rhett didn't understand many things.. the simple things that we do to relate to others. I don't believe he ever knew how. He always pointed the most uncomfortable facts, boasted his fearlessness for non-conformity and appeared entirely unaffected by the short durations of his friendships. I believe all his friends lasted only a few months before he found fault with them on some ideal. I was a firm mother then, withdrawing my love at the right times in hopes of creating in my son a guilty conscience. His father was intolerant. He hated Rhett to an unfairness which I attribute to Rhett's uncanny resemblance to his notorious grandfather. I stood with my husband when Rhett was banished from our family because I believed that he was full of insolence and solitude might do him good. It was only recently, after the war that I realized I could never be more wrong or hasty in my judgement. When my husband died, Rhett visited us and when he saw our plight, he cried. For the first time in my life, I saw his love for his family. He provided for us, even if we would never reveal him as our benefactor to Charleston society."

"And then there was little Bonnie. When he brought her here, I thought she was a little miracle. Five years! The longest period when Rhett had been so happy. That child revealed more of his hard nature to himself than anyone ever did. His confusing calls to genuine closeness and his maddening insolence intended to drive the loved one away. "

"Intended!" cried Scarlett, grasping at this word. "Yes, that was what it was. It always seemed as if he went out of his way to hurt-" She stopped and blushed at her lapse of control.

"Yes" nodded Mrs. Butler, understanding..


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"And now that you've come here.. My dear, I only want to tell you that his love for Bonnie was probably the closest he has ever come to expressing his love openly. When Bonnie was here,in Charleston, with Rhett, he was patient, kinder, warm, tender, courageous to express himself and respect other people's feelings.. She taught him all that. A little child of five. "

Scarlett was silent, but deep in her heart, a faint stirring began. An odd respect for what Mrs. Butler was saying about children. They could be brats but when one saw their eyes, one always felt as though they could see the truth.

"Her death has devastated him."

Mrs. Butler sat up very straight. She looked grim. "I want to communicate great strength of mind and steadiness of the heart to you, Scarlett. Do not fear that my son may forget his marital duties to you. I shall speak to him from time to time. But care for yourself, my dear. You have lost so much more during and after the war-"

Scarlett blinked for a moment, surprised by the switch of attention from Rhett to herself.

"Your own dear parents, Bonnie and the young lady who was your sister through marriage-"

"Yes. I have lost more-" muttered Scarlett, her mind still clinging anxiously to Rhett.

"Have you mourned their loss properly?"

Scarlett blinked again. "I..I.. I do pray-" She shrugged lightly. "If I start mourning, I don't think I might stop. There are so many things that I chose not to think too much about-" Scarlett stopped uncertainly. This was the longest conversation she had had with any woman except Melanie.

"You must be very strong by nature, or perhaps, you possess a unique personality. The eldest of Ellen's daughters."

Scarlett flushed lightly. "Mother wanted us to be Great Ladies. She trained us when we were young and I learnt her lessons very quickly. But after the war, the time for leisureliness, kindness or even beauty was over. We had to be practical and resourceful. I could pull my family out of poverty sooner than other families.. "

"If your Mother were alive, she would have been proud to have such a daughter-"

Scarlett flushed red. "Its very kind of you to say it. Thank you"

"You don't believe me, I see-"

Suddenly Scarlett looked warm and happy. She understood that the old lady was trying to stir up sentiments to cheer her downcast spirits and she thought it was very kind.

"Now, I think I must tell you. Yes, I must tell you. Scarlett, you shall hear me saying these words only once. I am a respectable lady in Charleston and I have a name to uphold. But whatever views I had of morality and gentility, the war tested my beliefs by fire and I realized my views were outdated and weak. The skills needed to survive a changing world is the courage to stop living in dreams, courage to be resourceful, to refuse the temptation to be helpless and show some spirit, think with some cunning and go by instinct. My husband was weak. He clung to a world long faded. My son is strong. You are too. You are both alike, cunning, resourceful, taking the fastest, straightest route to your goals, whatever they may be. You with your mills, your store and saloons.. Rhett with his blockade running, speculation, his hand in the Klu Klux Klan and the new government. Although perhaps, he outdid you owing to his age and experience. Do not look surprised my dear, I shall not pretend to be blind to realities..at least not right now. I only want to say that I am proud of you. And your Mother would have been so too.

Scarlett looked genuinely shocked at this statement. She knew Mrs. Butler was speaking words which no lady, especially in Charleston, would. Just in those few seconds, Mrs. Butlers eyes bore an eerie resemblance to the dancing fiery eyes of Rhett Butler.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Scarlett decided to stay in Charleston for another week. Although she did not possess an analytical mind, she could not help thinking over everything Mrs. Butler had said. And to her surprise, she found herself believing in those words. A great lady like Mrs. Butler couldn't possibly lie or be sentimental. She must have said those words, those kind words through genuine rational reasoning. But how kind! How wonderful! How lovely of her to apply such balm to her open wounds. Perhaps they are both right, Suellen and Mrs. Butler.. times had changed.

The realization brought a mixture of joy and fear in Scarlett's heart. Joy that she could now plunge herself in the next unknown adventure and fear that she might never secure Rhett. But her days here seemed unproductive and Rhett's popularity with people hadn't changed. He was a clever devil, he still found people who would listen and entertain him. If she wasn't sharp enough, he might find another woman to please him.

But Scarlett was determined to win Rhett. And in one week, she formulated a daring plan.

While Rhett was right about not caring what other people thought and thinking for oneself, she realized now that she had taken things too far by taking so many risks that she hurt the sentiments of those close to her. Some risks she could have avoided. She had mourned the loss of Frank which resulted in her taking the risk of riding through Shanty town. Yes, even Rhett had told her to avoid that and she hadn't listened to him. She had been stubborn. Rhett took calculated risks and he kept everybody in the loop. That was his balance.

Scarlett's admiration for Rhett increased as she remembered how well Rhett had lived before and after the war. How well he groomed himself, how popular he was even if he was full of controversial ideas. His ability to laugh at himself.

She could never laugh at herself. She had always taken herself so seriously. But she had been silly too. If driving through Shanty town had been an awful risk, the other senseless risks, inviting Governor Brown to her "crush", using convicts to run her mill, even embracing Ashley at her own mill.. she had sensed the animosity in others and their changing attitudes but she had been too silly to question them.. too full of herself or uppity as Rhett had put it. She had run after money after the war but only she had seemed to want it. And how many extravagant gifts she had given! She could have given something to Rhett. She had seen him give that lovely satin for Fanny Merriweather's wedding, give so many packets of money to Miss. Pitty, his gifts to Belle Wattling, Wade, Ella, Bonnie.. She had been generous to all the wrong people. Rhett liked people even if they didn't think he was so very clever, even if they didn't sing his praises. She had made that mistake. She had gone after people who thought her superior and powerful. People she could bully into submission.

Now that will change.

This time she will take a risk, for Rhett's heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Rhett hated her Peachtree mansion and now Scarlett began to hate it too. When she thought about the house, the rich red carpets seemed to pall in favour of the wide, sunlit floorboards of her plantation home. The many-layered window drapes looked cumbersome and confining. Simple, elegant portieres would do. And the design of the house! Heavens! What good would a ballroom do? Nobody danced or gave parties. They were all whispering together over someone called Joseph Brooks. Scarlett was very sure Atlanta would be buzzing with excitement too.

Suddenly it became clear to her. Rhett was a morbidly frank but during the blockade, but instead of bringing more guns and leather, he brought ball gowns and hoop skirts. He was indirectly boosting the ego of the fair Southland. And even after the war, when he entered food speculation, he later on gave away his ill-gotten gold. It was as if he used money to mingle in society. When she will do the same too.

The plan grew riskier and Scarlett liked it. This time she didn't care what others thought. She only cared about Rhett.

That Peachtree mansion had to be re-built. Rhett hated it and even the children never enjoyed the extravagancies. She would build a respectable Colonial house. But inside-

Scarlett smiled to herself as she mediated her plan. If she was right, this business about Brooks would take a few months to come to fruition. The house must be ready by then. She will fight tooth and nail to get back into the good books of Atlanta Society. She would plunge into the world of Atlanta matrons and swim hard, even if felt unbearably suffocating. She would do anything for Rhett.

* * *

The Butler family was exiting from the church one Sunday morning and Mr. Addison found Mrs. Scarlett Butler, waiting near the pews by the doorway, a ravishing smile on her face. He looked behind him once and realized with a start that the smile was meant for him and walked up to her.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Addison." said Scarlett, putting out a neatly gloved hand. Her eyelashes, long and black, seemed to flutter so demurely that Addison did not notice the sharp eyes that glinted underneath. "How do you do?"

"I do very well, thank you." replied Addison, crisply. "I heard your visit to Charleston was coming to an end. I am rather sorry to see you go. I fear we would miss your cheerful company."

Smiled smiled brightly at this. "Oh yes, I have enjoyed my stay too. But I do have this urgent business to attend to in Atlanta. You see, my husband and I-"

Scarlett flushed lightly and gently tilted her head.

"Yes?" asked Addison in a gentler tone.

"My husband and I were married in 1868 and we both wanted to live in Atlanta. And while I.. that is, I don't know much about houses or architecture. Mrs. Butler tells me you are the finest architect in Charleston?"

Addison flushed with pleasure from the soles of his feet to the top of his head and Scarlett thought he looked rather like a horse that had eaten a sugar lump. "Well, I must say the compliment is very generous. I do- I am an architect but I do not know if I deserve the title of being the finest in Charleston-"

"She also told me you were a very modest man-"

Addison did not speak for he was too busy basking in the glory of Scarlett's compliments to make any intelligent reply.

"Well, anyway, let me get to these unpleasant matters. I am sorry, Mr. Addison, I know this is usually the subject of men and I could hardly sum up the courage to speak to you. I am unworthy to speak but the circumstance has forced my hand.. er.. my voice-"

"Oh please, do not be so formal, Mrs. Butler. Do speak your mind. I assure you, I do understand your uneasiness. So, speak freely,madam and I shall listen in all seriousness."

"Oh you are most kind." Scarlett licked her lips like a child about to stutteringly recite Bible verses on a Sunday school stage. She spoke,

"My husband wanted to build a mansion for us at Peachtree lane. And you do know that I have lived in a plantation my whole life- just a plain, simple country girl." Scarlett paused here to look down, as if she were mildly embarrassed. "And well.. when Rhett built the house-"

Here she stopped and twisted the handkerchief in her hands.

"It wasn't like your plantation house?" offered Mr. Addison, with a smile.

"Yes!" sighed Scarlett, as if in the greatest relief that someone understood the delicacy of her feelings. "And you know, my little child, my little Bonnie died in that house.. and my husband has gone abroad for rest cures. Bonnie's death affected him terribly. So, I want you to come with me, assess the architecture of the house and perhaps we can demolish it and build a simple Colonnial house."

Addison looked taken aback. He hadn't expected this. "Err.. Mrs. Butler, I assure you, you do have my deepest sympathies. No woman could have endured as much as you did. But, how could I possibly alter the house which your husband has built? It wouldn't be right. I couldn't-"

"Oh, you don't understand. Rhett hates the house too. He did it in a whim. You have seen the way he is during family meetings and parties-"

Addison chewed his lip knowingly. "A Colonial house,eh? A thing like that would cost a lot of money-"

"Rhett will pay for it!"

"And who will discuss the plans I make?"

"My dear brother, Ashley Wilkes. He was a great war veteran-"

"Oh, I know all about Wilkes. A quiet, well-learned man. We were in a troop together."

"Oh, Mr. Addison, you are a great war veteran too! I had quite forgotten. How impertinent of me to have mentioned Ashley."

"Not at all, Mrs. Butler. Not at all."

"So, would you come with me when I travel to Atlanta?"

Addison looked shocked once again. "What now?"

"The ship leaves on Monday. My children and I are in cabin A. I could get you a place, my husband has these privileges you know-"

"Well..I.." Addison stammered. Then he said the woeful hope in Scarlett's eyes. Suddenly he felt a sense of protection creeping over him. Here was a poor woman who had lost her child in a terrible accident and was probably remodelling the house to ward off evil spirits. Yes, women were silly like that.

He smiled. "Rest assured, Mrs. Butler. I will"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Addison was aghast as he walked through the halls of Peachtree mansion. Having a natural appreciation for architecture, most of the buildings he had seen, admired and built were tasteful and reflected simple grace and beauty. This house! This was a monstrosity! It struck him rather hilarious that Rhett should have built such a hideous thing! Rhett- the man who dressed so immaculately and moved with such poise and grace. Whatever possessed him to build this? His show at Charleston must be a farce! Addison stifled a grin and sipped his coffee in Scarlett's parlour. She beamed at him from across the table.

"That is a fine broach you are wearing, Mr. Addison. I believe I've never seen anything like it."

"It's been in the generation for ages. I know the Yankees tried to get it, but my sister hid the thing between the cracks in the bricks of our house."

"How very clever."

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" smiled Addison, self-assuredly.

"Now Mr. Addison, about this house-"

"It can be done, Mrs. Butler. I shall work on the design and when Mr. Wilkes approves of it, we can begin building."

"Oh how wonderful! And how long will it take?"

"Oh, two months at least."

"Good. Two months is good time."

* * *

Scarlett and the children stayed with Aunt Pitty who was full of questions. An old-fashioned Colonnial home? How refreshing! Wouldn't it cost a lot of money? What with the depression and all that."

"Aunt Pitty,please-"

"I know it is a sensitive subject, Scarlett. But I couldn't help wondering-"

"Well after Bonnie's death-" ventured Scarlett, haltingly.

"Oh yes of course. I do understand,dear. I do understand."

* * *

The house was demolished, re-designed and rebuilt in months' time. During those long, tedious days, Scarlett made sure she was discussing the designs nearer to the lawns where everybody could see her. She was quiet and patient, looking just about helpless and dim-witted enough for the shrewish matrons to spy on her in surprise. Addison lived up to his name. He was an excellent architect with a keen eye for beauty and taste. This time Scarlett did not haggle with the cost of raw materials. She decided to choose her battles wisely. And it as the days went by, a beautiful, white, five columned Colonnial house, rose up in from of her like a beautiful Southern lady. Scarlett was pleased.

But her pleasure was short-lived for Rhett was back.

* * *

Rhett made a slow tour of the house, looking into all the rooms and studying the all around simplicity and elegance. He looked pleased but his eyes were still gimlets. "I was in Charleston last week and a strange story came to my ears. It seems you have attributed the design of the previous, hideous building to me!"

"Oh, how could Addison have said such a lie!" declared Scarlett, in feigned surprise.

"I know it was you." drawled Rhett, smoothly.

Scarlett walked into the parlour and rang for Pork. "I'll fetch us some sandwiches and tea." She looked up, squarely and unapologetically. "Allright I did. I admit the truth. But Addison is from Charleston and if I told him I was initiating everything,he would have been incredulous and would have borne such animosity to me. I couldn't tell the truth."

"Good girl. I see you've learnt to manage people better." replied Rhett, with a mocking grin.

"Besides I didn't think you would care what I did. I thought you said, you didn't give a damn about anything I did."

"We shan't ponder on that question since you very well know this is nothing like what I meant. I fear, I must stop your access to my money."

Scarlett stood up at once in quick temper. "Rhett, you can't! You know you can't!"

"Oh but I will. You can pay for the whole place yourself."

"Rhett, don't be mean. This is the house you've always wanted isn't it?"

"It was, years ago. But I will never live here now."

"But you will give me the money?"

"No."

Scarlett looked about, furious and disappointed but she had expected this. And she had arranged funds by selling her store and tapping into her share of Rhett's money. They sat in silence for a while and the clock struck nine. Rhett didn't want dinner and after a long smoke in his favourite chair, he planned to leave. But as he rose up, Scarlett grabbed the crook of his arm. "Rhett, sleep here. I think you will like the new bedrooms."

"Heaven's no, Mrs. Butler, I will never live in this wretched place. I only came to clear up unfortunate misunderstandings."

Scarlett suddenly stood on her toes and pulling down Rhett's black head, she kissed his lower lips.

"Leave me alone!" returned Rhett, pulling away and walking to the door.

Scarlett breathed hard and called after him. "You aren't afraid are you?"

Rhett cocked his head lightly and Scarlett could hear his laughter rising softly with the night breeze. "I don't want to give you any hopes, my pet. I told you I did not love you."

Rhett was about to open the door. But Scarlett ran in front of him and closed it shut. "What has love to do with anything? Can't a man and woman have a little fun without bringing sentiments into the picture?"

Rhett's eyebrows shot up in complete surprise. He grabbed her by the shoulders and Scarlett thought he might roughly thrust her away. But then he shoved her against the door and he began to kiss her. Scarlett returned his kisses with equal fervor. When they broke apart, she walked upstairs to the bedroom, surely and decidedly and Rhett followed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Rhett watched Scarlett sprinkling a little perfume on her bed and trimming the gas lamp to a dull flame. There was a warm breeze through the windows which suited the mood of the room. "Pleasure without love. I am surprised, Scarlett. I thought you held sublime love in great esteem. To sink as low as this-"

"Rhett, don't spoil things with your foul talk. Now, you just wait here. I'll get myself ready-" replied Scarlett, balling her hands into fists to hide the trembling of her fingers.

Rhett walked towards the bed with a soft, amused grin. He smelt the perfume on the sheets and with a cynical look, he began to remove his boots.

When Scarlett reappeared, for a fleeting moment, she thought she saw Rhett draw a sharp breath. She was wearing only a corset. But it was a satin corset with pearl lacings, the one Rhett had bought for her to wear on their wedding night. She had put on a pound or two now, but the extra weight only added in her favour. The corset further enhanced her shapely breasts and the curves of her hips. Her curly black hair descended in locks on her firm, white shoulders. She still wore stockings on her legs. Scarlett looked directly at Rhett and she saw that he too had partially undressed. He had unbuttoned his shirt to his waist and his boots were leaned upon the wall.

When Scarlett drew closer, Rhett parted his thighs so that she could walk up to him and still stand a head lower than him. She removed his shirt and threw it over his head, never breaking eye-contact from his coal, black eyes. She felt his arms, snaking up her hips and shoulders, enveloping her into such warmth as she had never felt before. She reached into the top of her corset and brought out a long piece of cloth. A grin spread across Rhett's face as she climbed out of his grip and went behind him. She slipped the cloth over his eyes and entwined the two ends tight. Then breathing heavily, she began to trace her palms roughly over the hard muscles on Rhett's shoulders and chest. She gently nipped at his neck and ran her tongue along the side of his neck.

"How does that feel?" she asked.

Rhett grunted. "Go on-"

Scarlett waited for a moment and then gripping him suddenly by the hair, she took his mouth in hers and began a surge of long, passionate kisses. She pressed her palms into his chest and pulled him backwards on the mattress. She climbed over him and drew herself heavily across his body. She breathed so hard over his hard muscles that she almost felt him shake under her. With one long arm, she caressed him and continued her kisses. Then she pulled away. After a long beat, Rhett felt something wet and soft on the points of his chest. He moaned a little and immediately felt a soft nip of teeth.

He groaned and tearing away his blindfold, he wrenched Scarlett's right arm and pulled her against him so hard that she slammed against his chest. His fingers crudely pried at her corset lace and cupping her soft flesh, he gave a well-placed slap. He kissed her and rubbed at the sore spot so hard that it seemed as if he were rubbing more pain into her. He forced her lips apart and sent a wave of sensations, electric and warm all over her body. With a final tug, he threw her corset away. He landed a few more rhythmic spanks before reaching down to remove his own trousers. These few moments were all that Scarlett needed to reach past his fingers and hold him at her mercy.

Rhett muttered under his breath but Scarlett could sense his pleasure at her new confidence. She squatted down and began to send waves of pleasure across his body. Whenever he made the slightest move to take over, she squeezed threateningly until he had no choice but to remain under her power. Her kisses became more leisurely now, her breathing became more regular as she neared him to a painstaking climax.

"This is too much!" said Rhett at last, through clenched teeth. Before Scarlett knew what he was about, she felt herself being picked up and pushed against the wall so that her soft flesh was perking against the cold hard surface. Her arms were wrenched back and her wrists were in his vice-like grip. With the other hand, he reached under her. She shuddered under his grasp, trying to kick him away to regain control.

"Enough." said Rhett, before pushing himself into her from behind and there they remained until the swirling darkness enveloped them both.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter**

Scarlett awoke earlier than Rhett with the memory of last night still vivid in her mind. She basked in the warmth of Rhett's brown body next to her and with a shy laugh, she pulled the sheets higher up her bare chest. The figure next to her tossed lightly, as if Rhett too was beginning to awaken from his sleep.

"Rhett?" called Scarlett, eagerly. Her eyes were soft and tender, a mellow, wistful shade of green. She reached out and ran her fingertips through Rhett's jet black hair. "Darling?"

The figure grunted half-annoyed and half-drowsy with sleep.

"Rhett, wasn't last night wonderful?! Oh, the things we did. The things I did!"

Scarlett blushed in pleasure.

"Rhett, listen.. I do know what went wrong between us. Oh darling, if you want to know why I loved and clung on to Ashley for so long, it was because he spoke to me the way you spoke to Bonnie. I could never be tender and gentle. I'm not Melanie. I have and always will be bullheaded, taking charge, smart and shrewd. But I adore tenderness in a man. And Ashley fitted my ideal. Gentle voice, soothing tone, soft sentiments.. He could reproach me with just a look, Rhett. "

Scarlett talked on, regardless of whether Rhett was awake or not. But he had been awake for some time.

"You said you tried everything with me. But you didn't try the one thing that you were natural at. Your tenderness.. The way you treated Bonnie. You were kind to me too.. But you trusted Bonnie with the velvet frocks, that Shetland pony.. You trusted that even if she was like me, she would take care of those things. That she would nuture them. You were never like that to me. You gave me a bonnet, but you had a smirk on your face that I would flirt and prance about like a giddy fool. You gave me money but you predicted that I wouldn't be a real lady. You often blamed me for not raising Wade and Ella right.. I truly was hurt- More than anything, I want to be treated just like any other woman."

Rhett slowly sat up but he didn't say a word. Scarlett leaned against him. "Rhett, that is what any woman wants. A man who trusts that she can nurture things. That is real kindness. That is love. Mother was always worried and afraid. She never thought I could..with my nature.. I wish sometimes that she approved of me. I would have allowed my children to mess around with my hair, given them hugs and kisses, I would have chased them down lawns and tickled them. till they cried - and I would have told real adventure stories. The kind you tell me.."

Scarlett thought for a moment.

"Rhett, let's have another baby. I promise I'll bring it up right. Maybe not kind and gentle like you but I'll do it in my own way. I'll show you that I can be a good mother. I'll be different from the others but it won't matter. I'm not afraid."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

"Your enthusiasm is admirable, my dear" replied Rhett, reaching for his clothes which were heaped up in the depths of a chair. "But it's still to late, Scarlett. Another child?! My God, would you listen to yourself? After everything that's happened-"

"Listen, Rhett" said Scarlett, her voice conveying a sense of urgency. "You.. you must listen. I know I haven't been kind or understanding to you before. I..I know all that. I know I've hurt you terribly. But the first time you met me, at Twelve Oaks - what did you see? Rhett, you saw a girl who went after her beau with determination, just like a man, no fluttering sentiments, no cluttered thinking.. just securing Ashley Wilkes and slapping him when he wouldn't respond.. Rhett, that is what made you love me. You love me for that. Can you deny it?"

"No. I have never denied it."

"Then I can't really change, Rhett. I can't speak like other women-"

Rhett smiled in amusement. He sat down in the armchair and reached for his socks and shoes. Scarlett sat down by his knees. "Oh, you know what I mean. I keep trying to think of lovely things to say.. to melt your heart. But I can't."

Her eyes stared helplessly at Rhett's brown face. That intense feeling of love, impending sense of disappointment, fear.. all mingled together and choked any possibility for words in her throat. Her fingers, suddenly damp, spread in quiet desperation on his knees.

"It's difficult, isn't it?" asked Rhett, quietly.

"Terribly difficult" admitted Scarlett, ruefully. She raised her eyes in despair. "Rhett, I know what will happen if you leave me. You will meet another Melanie. I just know you will. And she will say wishy-washy things, be endlessly kind to you and then behind your back, she will tell everyone else how you've faded after the war, how you are a shadow of everything you once were. She won't help you. She'll glorify your weaknesses.. because that is what any woman does. But I.. Rhett, there is still so much to do together. I could bring a firmness, a constancy- don't you want that? We could balance each other out. Rhett, why do want a woman like Melanie for? She would bore you to tears-"

"Right now, being bored is not my biggest fear" replied Rhett, the corner of his mouth suddenly drooping and his eyes suddenly twinkling in sarcasm. His hand idly, kindly played through the curls on her head.

"Rhett, say you love me" said Scarlett, her eyes peering almost beseechingly at him. "Don't look at me like that. I can't bear it."

He pulled her up across his chest until her face was only a few inches from his.

"You have changed.. a little. You can appreciate the difficulties in conveying sentiments and feelings. That arrogance has gone. But- There is a lot more you need to learn. We started out the same way- you and I."

"But you've changed after Bonnie's death, didn't you, Rhett?"

"That's right. Scarlett, do you realize that we both were able to do the things we did only because of one thing and one thing alone?"

"What's that, Rhett?"

"We both never gave thought to what we ourselves felt during times of hardship-"

Scarlett shrugged her shoulders lightly. "Oh, well.. I made that decision years ago, just after the war, when Mother was dead. Everyone around me were crying and growing crazy. But I couldn't bear to fade out like that. Not me. I had to live and live grandly. I decided I will never be hungry ever again. I couldn't bear it-"

"Bear what?"

"Just fading, Rhett. Fading out and never being there. Being of no importance. Insignificant. I have to matter. I have to be real and noticed and loved by others."

"Is that your fear of running through the mist?" asked Rhett, smiling lightly.

Scarlett looked puzzled. She crinkled her eyes thoughtfully and then nodded. "Aren't you afraid of that too"

"No." replied Rhett. "My name has already been crossed out over our family Bible, remember? I do not have that fear."

Scarlett felt his arms tightening as he said the words. "Then, what are you afraid of? You are not afraid at all?"

"I once had a fear-" said Rhett, with a sigh. "I faced it when Bonnie died."

"What was it?" asked Scarlett.

"It doesn't matter. I faced it. My God, did I face it. And it changed me forever."

"How?"

"It caused me to think of what I felt and thought- for the first time in my life. How much I had suffered in myself. Suffering that I had suppressed for so long. I acknowledged them and finally realized the things I loved, the things I valued and how much the world had changed around me. I will not walk down that road again."

"Do you think that if I thought like that... that you could love me and care for me?"

Rhett laughed softly. "Oh Scarlett, sometimes you are too precious for the things you say."

"That's a door I fear opening." said Scarlett, ignoring his laughter. "If I started thinking about how I felt, I'd go crazy. I never thought about Mother or Pa's death.. the way it affected me.. not even Bonnie. But when you left, I just couldn't brush it off then-"

"Couldn't you?" asked Rhett, a tone of tenderness not kindness creeping into his voice. "Why?"

"Rhett, you are my soul. And if you no longer want to live life on your terms, then there must be something deeper that caught your attention. Rhett, don't let it pull you in. I need you. And I know you need me. Don't look back."

"My baby, I was looking back all those years.. when I was a blockader, a speculator.. I loved what I was so much, I never wanted to let it go. But it has begun to pall. When something like death shakes you out of yourself, you can't afford to look back anymore."

"I..I don't understand. I don't understand at all."

"I know. And somewhere in your mind, you still carry that picture of you, a young girl of sixteen, Scarlett O'Hara, the belle of three Counties still running through cotton fields and lying in the sunny grass, smelling flowers and hearing bees in the air."

"You are thinking of Tara" said Scarlett, pleased by the picture he just gave her.

"You like thinking of that, don't you, Scarlett?"

"Yes. It is my fondest memory."

"Then you are looking back and everything you've ever done was to get back to that comfort again."

"Oh Rhett, I'd give anything to be back again."

Rhett nodded lightly. Scarlett once again noted that faint look of feeling in his eyes. She wondered why he looked at her so affectionately and yet so full of pity. And then she realized he never said he loved her.

They sat like that for a while and then Scarlett herself rose up to go about her morning affairs. She did not press Rhett any further for a declaration of love. She merely acknowledged the fact that she had spoke as tenderly as possible and if there had been no declaration, then that was that. She'd get him in the end. She was sure of it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Rhett had dressed quickly and headed out to issue a few orders regarding his departure to the servants. Scarlett gazed after him, a look of pride and possession creeping into her eyes. She wanted to think of how kind and loving Rhett had been just then. This was their second, genuine conversation together. They had spoken and acted like normal human beings. She felt relieved. She looked forward to more such moments. But there were a few words spoken by Rhett which made her faintly uneasy. She didn't want to think of them but her mind kept floating back, like a moth to a flame.

All her life, she thought Rhett and Ashley were the two men she could never comprehend. She had always linked them together, pitted them against each other, compared them.. tried to conquer them and they always seemed above her reach.

But now her notion of the equality of Ashley and Rhett appeared vaguely challenged.

It was in the way Rhett spoke. When she advised him not to look back, he said he had been looking back for so long. Ashley wouldn't have said that. Ashley would have taken her in his arms and helped her look back too. Rhett spoke those words as if he had been foolish. It was so strange.

And when Ashley had spoken of memories of riding with her through the county hills and the picnics by the lake, he never spoke of comfort of the memories.

Rhett mentioned that word "comfort".

But until then she had thought she was extremely uncomfortable and unhappy with life. The memory of herself, sixteen years old, lying contentedly on the fresh grass of her beloved Tara was her only beloved memory, listening to the buzzing of the bees, the sweet smell of the white magnolias.. It was a comforting memory. It was strange that she hadn't been aware of this comfort for so long.

Scarlett never had the ability to think in abstract terms. But after spending moments of affection in both Ashley and Rhett's arms, holding similar conversation but subtly different, her mind could not help drawing comparisons and a vague, dark idea taking shape.

Suddenly a shiver ran down Scarlett's spine and before she could press the thoughts out of her mind, Rhett came barging through the door.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Rhett did not speak. He stood there, one hand gripped firmly over the wooden knob on the door. Instead he glared at Scarlett, his eyes boring into hers in blatant irritation.

"What is it?" asked Scarlett, surprised and puzzled by his sudden appearance.

"I seem the to have overlooked one room on this upper floor. I don't know how I walked past it. But the door was ajar and I had a look. Scarlett, what do you think you are doing? You don't know what you are up against!"

Scarlett walked past him to the stairwell landing. She opened the door and walked down the long corridor and opened another door to a long room. Inside the room, there was a long heavily varnished and polished wooden table and several chairs drawn on all sides. The sole ornament in the walls was a picture. The picture of the Democrats newest hero, a Mr. Baxter who has been prophesied to end the Reconstruction era.

"I thought you didn't give a damn about anything I did-" she said, quietly. "Besides, I am not doing anything wrong. I have to get into the good graces of the people of Atlanta and if this is the only way, then so be it. I met Dr. Meade a month back and I met a few of the young boys too. Young boys planning to be good soldiers in the coming war. Oh yes, I know all about it. I am not as ignorant as I used to be. I know that something serious is afoot and I did use your name to get Dr. Meade's attention. You see, Rhett.. they are all holding meetings and the saloons and local halls aren't safe anymore to plan things. So, I graciously offered them a place to meet."

"They will burn this house to the ground!"

"Perhaps. Do you care?"

Rhett angrily began to descend the stairs. He looked up at her. "No, I don't care. A thing like this is too crazy for me to get mixed up in!. Just what do you think you are doing? You don't know anything about people. And you are going to learn things the hard way. You don't know how crazy a group of people can get when they work themselves up to a war frenzy. I know. I've seen things. You don't know, my poor simpleton. You will be crushed. This is a serious move in the conflict between the Republicans and the Democrats. There is going to be a bloodbath somewhere. And if you want to step into it, then let me warn you that it will crush you."

Scarlett heard him slamming the front door. She ran to the window and saw him ordering Pork about angrily. She smiled to herself.

* * *

That evening Scarlett was at Ashley's house. India Wilkes was there too. After Melanie's death, she had been so broken-hearted and repentant that Ashley had invited her back to his home to keep house and take care of Beau when he was back from school. Scarlett found Ashley in a small, narrow study, hunched in a deep chair by the fire, reading a large book. His long fingers, gently and respectfully turned the pages and his eyes ran engrossed along the tiny printed lines.

Ashley was slowly recovering from Melanie's death. The hair on his head was as gray as ever but he looked healthier now. India had been taking good care of him. There were lesser visitors now. But the house looked more cheerful what with Beau dragging in his friends whenever he came home for a holiday. Beau had many friends.

Ashley seemed pleased when Scarlett spoke to him about Rhett. He looked genuinely happy for Scarlett. "I told you once before that Rhett and I were similar-" said Ashley, with a smile. "We had been brought up with the same ideals yet we chose different paths. I embraced the ideals and Rhett.. well, I suppose non-conformity appealed to him."

"What's that?" asked Scarlett, sipping her cup of tea.

"Non-conformity is to go against the rule. Scarlett, don't you see.. we are both lost. I have lost my world of ideals and Rhett.. when the world we knew went, there are no clear rules. How could he follow non-conformity when there was nothing...no rules.. to measure up against?"

Scarlett looked dumbstruck. "But he sympathizes with you-"

"He probably realized his own illusion only now-"

"Ashley, how can you tell-"

Ashley gazed at her affectionately. "Scarlett, I find it easy to read other men. I can tell what they are thinking but I don't voice my ideas because it doesn't make things any pleasant. I like my life to be pleasant and harmonious-"

"Ashley, how did you know-"

"Rhett Butler has always followed non-conformity. Think about it yourself and you will see the pattern. When your daughter, Bonnie Blue died, he didn't even want to bury her because she was afraid of the dark. But I think that's where he realized that somewhere in life, he must conform. No one gets buried above the ground in a well-lit place. Such a thing is for fairy tales. We all have to descend into darkness, into the narrow crevice in the ground. For once, he couldn't go against the tide. His own motto worked against him."

Ashley spoke on, but Scarlett did not hear the words. Her hands turned chill and she felt a heavy cloak of dread descending upon her. She wanted to scream.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

A feeling unlike anything Scarlett had ever known seemed to overwhelm her during the next few days. She tried to forget her last conversation with Ashley but she couldn't. More than anything else, Scarlett understood the way she thought about people. She always applied her skills like formulae. If one did this and this, one could expect this and that from a person. But to realize that someone else might also think this way was intolerable.. even abominable to her.

Try as she might, after a fortnight, she could no longer put off her grief and tearing up sheet after sheet of letter paper, she finally composed herself enough to write a seething, scornful letter to Rhett. It ran along these lines,

"Recently I realized that whatever praise I gave to you, whatever cherishing hope I had of securing your love has been immature and utterly contemptible. If you ask me now, I tell you, I don't love you. I hate you. I hate you, Rhett Butler, for everything you've done to me. If only I knew.. I don't know why I didn't realize it. You told me so many times before that you were selfish and unscrupulous and I never paid attention. I don't why I didn't.

I never realized that you followed one simple rule of doing the opposite of whatever was expected of you in any situation. Ashley was the one who told me. I am not afraid to mention him anymore. I spoke to Ashley, why shouldn't I? I don't care what you think about it.

Did I ask you to bid for me when I was Charlie's widow? You made it look like as if you did it for me but really you did it for yourself. You purposely dragged me out into the limelight, making me forget my Mother's teachings. You made me look conspicuous. You made the matrons of Atlanta despise me for my conduct.

And leaving me defenceless in Rough and Ready during the war. You said it was because of some kind of noble thought.. but you just ran away. The right thing to do would be to come with me and Melly to Tara and wait out the war but you were so full of yourself that you had to go against the rules and run to war, even if it was in the last gasp.

And getting me that awful wedding ring, those vulgar dresses, egging me to build this house.. Do you think I liked to parade like a slut? I don't. I like to show off my arms and shoulders and maybe a little bosom but I have never wanted or even liked those dresses you bought for me. It made me blush for their vulgarity.. the way they clung to my back showing off every curve. I never said anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

And even that night of passion.. the right thing to do would have been to call Ashley to a duel or to divorce me.. but you made love. Even there you had to follow your faithful formula, didn't you? Always go against tradition.. against the general rule. Like a machine.. no feelings.. just the simple, dry formula. I thought there might have been some feelings, good or evil that you harboured about me. But the truth is, you did it all for yourself. You never gave a thought to me.

I have understood you like a book, Rhett Butler. And I hate and despise you.

When I realized I loved you, I thought I would put you up on a pedestal and exalt you to the skies but now I see you don't deserve anything.

You are a monster of selfishness. You've ruined everything.

Scarlett wiped off the angry tears that blotched up the lines and angrily sealed the envelope to be mailed. Once Pork left, she threw herself on her bed and wept bitterly.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Scarlett went back to Tara. She stopped the coach just at the entrance through the great oak trees and stood there, bags and all, just staring at her white plantation home. Her eyes were swollen with unshod tears.

 _"Could you love me, Scarlett? Could you find some place in your heart for me?"_ echoed Rhett's voice from the past. _"I am wickedly ensnaring you in my trap, my dear.. so that you will depend on no one else but me.."_

Scarlett stiffly jerked her head in refusal as she remembered this. The very memory seemed to cruelly claw out a flood of emotions from her. Emotions that seemed to overpower her, threatening her very existence. Just why had she fallen for Rhett? He had said so many many times that he was trapping her, using her.. Just why hadn't she taken any of his words seriously. Was she so stupid that she couldn't understand how he had corrupted her? Or was it because..

Had she been so very vain?

Here Scarlett stopped shaking. A quiet respect seemed to break though the tide. Respect for a man who had been as selfish as her. So, there was a man who thought as deviously as she had thought. A cool customer just like herself when she married Charles and Frank. A man who took and never gave without expecting something back. But if Rhett was her soul then was she also living in an illusion?

The last question was thrown into the winds of Tara. Scarlett walked under the oak tree and grasped it's hanging branches. She gave them a tug and looked up at the network of snaking braches. She had stared like this in wonder during her childhood. She looked at the spot of red earth where she stood.

 _"Every bit of land is exactly like the other"_ Rhett had said.

"Oh, you could never be so wrong" said Scarlett, with a sad smile. "Every bit of earth is different. The earth of Tara is full of life and beauty. It is alive with the popping of cotton seeds, giving birth to the stalks shaking in the mountain breeze. Can't you feel it? And the red, muddy slush of Atlanta.. the ground thundered with building and the hoof-beats of horses carrying people everywhere.. That ground was different. Every land is different, for a different purpose. You cannot just give up-"

Scarlett's thoughts seemed to linger for a while, not taking any form or direction. Another coach was driving past her and quickly hailing to it, she clambered into it and went to the Tarleton plantation.

* * *

She did not know why. But the Tarleton plantation, especially Beatrice Tarleton.. she always had a kind of fascination for that woman. She knew that Beatrice Tarleton was a horse-woman through and through. She didn't much like her as a person but she had always admired her passion for raising horses. Beatrice was the only woman she knew who loved a thing more than a person. Her own Mother could never be tied down by anything. Mother always lived for others and her family. Most of the other women she knew were like that. But not Beatrice Tarleton.

As soon as she entered the Tarleton farm, she smelt the strong odor of horses. And there was Beatrice Tarleton, bending over a beautiful mare, brushing her coat. When she saw Scarlett, she gave a flushed smile and waved back.

* * *

Soon Scarlett was sitting in the Tarleton parlour room, sipping some tea. Beatrice had never questioned her bags or her travelling attire and Scarlett didn't mention them either. Instead she asked Scarlett after her own children- Wade and Ella, news of Atlanta and offered her own news in return. Then inevitably the conversation turned to the four Tarleton boys who had died during the war and to the death of Ellen and Gerald.

Scarlett, feeling uncomfortable cut the conversation short and looked blank.

"I still have a lot of work to do around this place, Scarlett. There's a new horse come in just yesterday. She's a beautiful piebald trotter. I need to give her a good brushing down. Want to come with me?"

Scarlett gratefully accepted and went out to the farm through the back door.

* * *

Beatrice brushed her horse's silky smooth hair, murmuring sweet endearments to the animal in-between brushings. Scarlett watched her. She was only brushing the horse but each stroke seemed heavy with meaning and purpose. Beatrice looked so passionate, her cheeks flushed red and her eyes brightly shining.

"You look so happy" said Scarlett, fascinated by her enthusiasm.

"Oh yes. Being with my babies always makes me happy."

"You never worry about other things.."

"What other things?"

Scarlett shrugged. "There is so much to worry about. Mother never had any passion like this. She was always busy living for us and the slaves around Tara. She was a great Lady."

"Oh yes, Ellen O Hara was a great lady"

"Don't you ever-"

"Oh!" Beatrice Tarleton looked up in surprise and then laughed as if she was shocked Scarlett could even think in such lines. "Oh my dear, that is not for me!"

"Oh."

"Oh no, I could never live like that. As much as I love Ellen O Hara and deeply respect her, I simply couldn't."

"Why not?"

Here, Beatrice looked puzzled. "Well.. " She hesitated. "Scarlett, I know all about your Mother. I know that she once loved a young man. I know all that. Stories like that always reach ears faster in the country."

"Yes?"

Beatrice sighed. "Scarlett, that is what happens when you place value on people than things. When the people leave or die, you will be broken-"

"I don't understand."

"My four sons died and I should have given up and died by now. But I didn't. Why do you think that is?"

"Why?"

"Because of my horses, my dear. These beasts that I love more than anything else."

"I suppose they are the finest horses in Clayton County."

"No, it isn't that. I find myself in raising horses. It's for me. Something special to me that I love."

"But isn't that very selfish of you?"

"I suppose so. But I couldn't live any other way."

"But great ladies are always meant to give up everything, aren't they?"

"Which is probably why it is impossible-"

Scarlett did not reply to this.

"Scarlett, I probably sound like a traitor to Ellen but seeing that you are nearly thirty, I am not afraid to speak my mind. I don't really believe in being a lady or even a great one at that. I mean, I don't go about doing things thinking that I am going to be kind and helpful to others.. If people are benefitted by me, then I am happy but I don't go plodding around just for it. I even think it is futile. It isn't possible to be entirely selfless."

"But Mother was!"

"That is probably because she couldn't marry her lover. Consider Ellen with compassion, Scarlett. When her family denied her happiness, she later denied herself happiness. She came here, adapted to Georgia and lived for others because she needed to feel in control."

Scarlett frowned. The words were true. Ellen was sensitive and gentle but it was she who controlled and operated Tara. It was strange she never bothered about this contradiction before.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Several memories, forgotten from years past, suddenly began to resurface in Scarlett's mind. She remembered once, she was a little girl, scampering wildly down the carriage path to Tara, being chased by a few black boys who were scampering and laughing with the thrill of the chase. She reached the steps to the plantation house first and triumphant slamming her hand against the veranda post, she turned to her pursuers and put out her tongue. Then she gave a beaming smile and ran inside. But just as she crossed the threshold, she quickly veered a few steps back into the porch and stood aside in loyal admiration. Ellen had been planning to make her rounds to the houses of their more unfortunate neighbours and this afternoon, she was setting off, her hair in a tight, smooth chignon, her black taffeta dress- crisp and fresh and smelling of lemon-verbena. The black child who always followed her about, now carried two boxes of Ellen's hand-sewn clothing for a few scrawny infants and a vessel full of soup for an old widow. Mammy thundered behind Ellen, muttering words under her breath and occasionally chiding the little girl to keep her mind on her work. As Ellen stepped into the porch, when she saw Scarlett, her soft eyes instantly filled with reproach. Scarlett immediately bit her lip and stuck a foot behind another and looked extremely sheepish. One word from Ellen asking Scarlett how she got the tear in her dress or the scrape on her knee and Scarlett would have instantly plunged into the adventure of trying to crawl under a stubborn hedge to catch a stray chicken and falling over a jutting piece of rock in an effort to hop across the garden stretch on one foot for the longest time. But Ellen never asked those questions. Before Scarlett used to wonder why but off late she had begun to accept that her Mother may be too gentle to inquire after such coarse things.

Instead, much to Scarlett's exasperation, Mammy began to enrage at her. "Miss Scarlett, what have you been doing with yourself since this morning? Making such a hole in your dress and running with them field-hand children. You know better than to run about like that and worrying your family. And what have you been eating? I can see something red in the corner of your lip. Now don't swallow it! It better not be those berries-"

"Mammy-" said Ellen, softly.

Mammy instantly stopped speaking and turned to Ellen respectfully.

Ellen threw a glance in Scarlett's direction. "Give Scarlett a bath and mend the tear in her dress."

"Yes, Miss. Ellen" said Mammy, faithfully.

Ellen walked down the steps and got into the carriage. She arranged the folds of her skirt about her and signalled for the coachman to take off.

Mammy shuffled back into the house before realizing that Scarlett hadn't followed her. She shuffled back out and called for Scarlett to follow at once. "Miss. Scarlett, now you better do what your Ma told you. Miss. Scarlett-"

But Scarlett stood extremely still, clutching the post and staring after the disappearing carriage. Now the admiration had gone and instead a vague sadness was in her heart. A single tear ran down her cheek as she remembered how she had squirmed in her Mother's soft gaze. Her Mother had the power to make her feel absolutely ashamed. And she deserved to feel ashamed. She really shouldn't have run like that with the boys or torn her dress. She simply couldn't understand why she was so different or couldn't control her impulses better. But her Mother loved her anyway. Mother was wonderful. The fount of wisdom and a pillar of strength. But as Scarlett turned, she couldn't help wondering with a childish wonder why she couldn't attract her mother's attention or love with the sweetness of her face or the glitter in her eyes. It was a vague question. Very vague and stirred a dumbed down sense of disappointment. But she would try harder. Maybe she just hadn't looked bright or impish enough.

She shrugged and followed Mammy inside.

* * *

A year later, Ellen had begun her lessons to her children on how to be little ladies. Scarlett, on some pretext or the other had managed to evade the lessons and wandered often into the cotton fields or the orchard. But somehow, as much as she laughed and enjoyed the fresh hilly air, the loneliness that immerged during early childhood seemed to grow stronger and stronger. She crept back to a window sill and peeped inside. Suellen was anxiously memorizing some poem and Careen was reading the Bible aloud. Ellen was seated in her favourite armchair, very erect, and trimming a frock. Scarlett looked in on this scene and with a final, defeated sigh, she went inside to join them. That evening began her first lesson in being a proper Southern belle.

* * *

While Scarlett couldn't share much of her experiences with her family, she never failed to relish them on her own. She witnessed baby animals giving birth, collected eggs in baskets, dug in the dirt for potatoes, brushed ponies- She enjoyed the life in the plantation home. Others spoke as if they loved the land but it was Scarlett who acted out on that love. She loved taking brisk walks, riding slowly on her horse to savor the County landscape. In these occupations, she found very little female company. As the years went by, she was beginning to grow in despair. She had failed to make any girlfriends and Mother never asked her why. She stayed late with the beaus in the County and Ellen never questioned that either. The things that were expected of Scarlett were to walk daintily on pigeon-toed feet, dance in rhythm and make polite compliments. This Scarlett found too easy. Her mind was naturally drawn to selfish desires which she had come to regard with fear and guilt.

* * *

It was a few years later. Scarlett remembered being at some gathering in the main town and she was standing in the crowd, a sun hat over her head and a shawl about her shoulders to protect her flawless white skin and her attention was suddenly diverted to Stuart Tarleton and India Wilkes who stood a few feet away from her. They were talking something, she could not catch what they spoke. But India was bending her head and in that plain face, she saw a soft, winsome smile. India was listening attentively to something Stuart was saying and when she looked up, her eyes were brilliant with love and there was a contentment on her face. Scarlett remembered staring at the couple with curiosity, then astonishment and then an unexplainable rage. What could Stuart possibly have been saying? He always says silly, childish things. And he was always playing silly pranks. And why was India smiling like that? How could she, who was so plain and frightfully boring have something to be so contented about?!

Scarlett remembered feeling an odd sense of emptiness. A queer longing for love that only a mother could have filled. And when the crowd had broken up and India had left in her carriage, Scarlett remembered walking just by the twins and laughing out brightly. Stuart turned around and was pleasantly surprised to find Scarlett regarding him with such gay familiarity. "Why Stuart Tarleton! I could hardly recognize you in that smart suit you've got on. You are getting to be more and more like a gallant County swain. I could swear trembling down to my poor, weak knees when I saw you walk in with Brent. And Brent, how could just stand there like that without giving me so much as a handshake. I've come home for good from Lafayette. And I just know you boys will show me a good time here-"

Stuart and Brent stared at Scarlett, blushing to their ears and making fumbling responses, all the while wondering how come they never thought Scarlett was so beautiful before. They didn't realize that was the day when Scarlett had decided to make herself be noticed.

A decision which was made seriously and deliberately in the mind of a girl who had refused to succumb to the feelings of absolute powerlessness.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

When the first trickle of memories clouded her mind, Scarlett did not know what to make of it. She was at Tara. But she had never felt Tara as she did now. The red earth seemed to vibrate under her feet. She saw the cotton fields, the blood red furrows as if for the first time. The surrounding whispers of the pine forests, the blue sky and the waving magnolias. Their appearance did not lose or gain their brilliance according to her moods but instead, they were calling her to them, offering her a serenity she had known only when she was a little girl. She felt strange that she should remember all this again. That memory of chasing after a stray chicken, she bleakly remembered her childhood fascination of watching chickens lay eggs and leaving droppings everywhere and people coming to collect them and putting them in baskets and scattering them amongst the young cotton plants. She remembered asking somebody what they were doing but she felt she already knew the answer. Nothing was wasted on a plantation. Everything was used for everything else. She remembered being fascinated by the idea of using and reusing resources.

Another vague memory rose of herself as a little girl, following the open line of drain water from her plantation home in vivid curiosity and coming upon a group of scantily clad black women about to take their baths from a tub of water. The water flowed right past the women and Scarlett remembered asking them where it all went. The women laughed so hard and one of them took her by the hand and pointed to her a large pit that had been dug several miles away. Scarlett instantly tried to break into a run and was pulled back rather roughly. "No, Miss. Scarlett. Mist. Gerald would sell us if her knew we let his daughter poking around here. You had better go on home, Miss. Scarlett."

Tara was calling her again. Tara was calling her to be spontaneous and free. Tara was a bed of spontaneity.

Suddenly Scarlett, to her greatest surprise remembered her honeymoon in New Orleans with Rhett. She had been wildly spontaneous and free then. He had been so amused by it.

"But that wasn't really me" she thought, confused and irritated by the frightening feelings this connection seemed to create. Something had changed her. She could sense it now. It was after the war, just when Mother died and Pa had lost his mind.

Something had changed her forever then. And the realization that the answer was not far ahead struck Scarlett's heart cold with dread and fear.

* * *

Then one day, it happened.

She was leaning against a wooden post in the drawing room of her plantation home and she wasn't really thinking anything at all. But the pose seemed unusual for her since she was always moving about the house entertaining guests or attending to her own affairs. She was leaning very lightly, resting her head on the solid frame. Her eyes were trained on the view outside the front porch. Suddenly she saw Mammy come out of the kitchen, her arms swinging and sweat on her brow. Mammy saw her and immediately stood very still.

Scarlett looked at her.

Then she smiled inwardly. Mammy sees me quieter than usual and perhaps even sadder than usual and she is worried about me. She thinks I might be losing my head over the business with Rhett. Then she smiled smugly. Mammy is feeling disgusted that I, Scarlett O'Hara, the liveliest belle in the County have taken to just lazing about the house. She feels disgusted and she might just speak her mind just now. She feels confused and disgusted at the same time.

She grinned impishly at Mammy and then that grin froze on her face.

Now she knew. Now she knew what had changed her.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

The realization hit her like a bag of bricks. And she wondered why it should be so. The answer was there, in plain sight. She wondered why she forgot it. But it had been so forgettable. So ordinary. But it had made such a huge impact on her life.

Her hands trembled when she remembered now.

It was after the war.

Suellen and Careen had the insatiable hunger of typhoid convalescents.

Wade whined about his dislike for yams.

The servants wanted more food.

Melanie was weak and thin and twitched in pain even in her sleep.

Gerald had lost his mind.

Ellen was dead.

Tara was blackened and covered with Yankee footprints.

Twelve Oaks was in ruins.

And she remembered the words she had spoken when hunger gnawed at her empty stomach, _"As God as my witness, the Yankees aren't going to lick me. I'm going to live through this, and when it's over, I'm never going to be hungry again. No, nor any of my folks. If I have to steal or kill- as God as my witness, I'm never going to be hungry again."_

* * *

Scarlett's knees wobbled and she felt as if she were about to faint when she caught the most unexpected sight on the outskirts of Tara. Just at the entrance by the Oak trees, a coach had stopped and a figure was alighting with a spring in its steps.

"Great balls of fire! It's Rhett!"

It was all Scarlett could do to keep herself from fainting as she half ran across the wooden floor and through the garden, down the path to Rhett. Her pace slackened abruptly as she neared him. He did not say a word. He merely stared at her.

The awkward expression in his eyes told her that he had come quite reluctantly after reading the contents of her letter. There was something close to fear in his eyes. Yet the rest of him seemed to exude self-confidence as usual. But for once, Scarlett didn't care.

"Rhett!" she said, gasping for breath. "Rhett.." She put out an unsteady hand and gripped Rhett's brown arm. Her chest heaved in ragged breaths. Her eyes scanned his face and detected the same look of waiting.

"Rhett, you always said, that I didn't care for the feelings of others. That I'm like a hungry cat and I bullied people to get my way. You always said that. You said I like holding the whip hand.. that I use people's feelings against them-" Scarlett took a deep breath to calm herself. "Rhett, you were right. You were absolutely right. But you don't know how I got that way. It was after the war. I came here to Tara and Mother was dead, Pa was crazy, Suellen and Careen - they were just recovering from typhoid, Melanie was weak from childbirth and the servants were all depressed and confused- Tara was wasted and Twelve Oaks was burnt to the ground. Rhett! Rhett, listen.." Scarlett's face twisted in pain. "These two lines, I told you.. I kept repeating them to myself, I tortured myself- I kept repeating until I believed that everyone around me was useless and helpless and that it was up to me. I used to cry- I didn't like it at all. I swear I didn't like it at all! I swear it! But you see, I couldn't face the truth. I couldn't face it. "

"And what is the truth?" asked Rhett, softly.

"That this was not the way-" Scarlett's voice faltered. "People need time to cope with death and everything. Not everyone is as sensible as..as.. And some might never." Her voice echoed. "Some might never- Rhett, what is it that is so terrible about having feelings? Why does it hurt so much? Did God give them to us to punish us?! I bullied people into ignoring their own feelings because I didn't want to them to lose everything - their energy, happiness.. They were all losing it, Rhett. I could see it, right before my eyes. My family, looking so helpless and hopeless. Just standing around and looking blank. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand letting them slip from reality. And I lived in the reality of it. I saw things for what they were. I knew our whole world was gone. But I just rode over people's feelings. But its the feelings that cause a person to slip out of reality, isn't it? My own Mother-"

Scarlett's hands were growing cold and clammy. Her face looked drained of blood. "I could never let that happen." she whispered. "Mother never recovered from her feelings to her cousin. I knew it when I was a child. I don't know why I forgot later on. But I know it when I see it. Pa never recovered. When I saw him, I was astonished. Pa! Of all people! That's what feelings did to a person. When you have feelings, and something or someone takes it away, you lose everything. I couldn't let them.. I couldn't face it, Rhett. What happened to people. What happened to Mother. I couldn't. So, when I forced myself to see how helpless and weak they were because of their feelings, I started experiencing life like I wanted to- right from the start. I could see that the whole problem was hunger and not anything else. I went hunting for food, I made people work in the cotton fields, I gathered the crops, I worked hard with my own two hands and I loved it. This was the way things were meant to be for me. I know I don't make much sense but-"

"No I follow you-"

"That must be because we are so alike" said Scarlett, with an uneasy smile but she could detect no answering emotion.

"Rhett, you were right about everything. I am a bully, a dreadful bully and I've lived selfishly and unscrupulously. But it wasn't done deliberately. I didn't want to be this way. Why do you think I cried from my nightmares or drank from a bottle. It wasn't done.. all right, perhaps deliberately but not happily. Mother never appreciated me for anything that was truly me. And I wanted so much to be appreciated. I wanted so much to be loved for who I was. And I really needed her protection because I was always so spontaneous. But she never did. I don't even know if she knew I was so different from her. And if no one else cared, then I had to care for myself. I had to protect myself. And I did the only thing I could. I just turned down how I felt. And I tuned into what everyone else was feeling. I became very good at reading others. Their feelings. And I used their feelings, I abused them to get my own way. And I did it all to be loved. I... I knew a lot actually. I knew Ashley was passionate for me, I just couldn't believe it wasn't noble because I didn't believe Ashley could be anything but noble. I knew Frank loved me too.. For all his prattle about Suellen, he liked the way I looked. I preyed on that. I knew Suellen didn't really love Frank. I knew Melanie prided herself in loving me and wanting to be like me. I used that as a shield to hunt for Ashley. But I never could catch you because you hid your feelings so well. That is not until that night.. when I knew you loved me. That you could love me so fully and so bitterly.. I couldn't get angry with you or bully you into submission. I couldn't be angry anymore. And I had been so angry.. ever since the war. I was so angry and so unhappy.. "

Scarlett stared at Rhett, once again completely astonished that he could actually love her and actually demanded feeling"s from her. "Rhett-" she said, in sudden tenderness.

"Don't!" said Rhett, instantly. " I don't want to know."

"But I must tell you."

"No."

"Then why did you come here?"

"I came here to do just what I did now. To listen. Because I am the only one who would ever listen to you. And you could never be frank like this to anyone but me."

"All right, I'm not asking for love or security or anything. But I do love you and that person you are looking for is still here. The person I once was. I'll prove it to you. I'll prove it to you."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Much to Scarlett's satisfaction, Rhett stayed on at Tara for the rest of the day. While she could think of nothing else to say to him, since every meaningful word had been said and every other word would appear superficial, she settled down to mulling over the next step of action she could take. Whenever her eyes rested for a fleeting second over Rhett's carefully coiffed black hair and swarthy brown face, she felt her heart tearing to pieces with yearning. She wanted to be as carefree as she was with him during the days before the war. She wanted to feel alive again and safe. And she diverted all her energies to her calculating mind. There must be some way she could show Rhett that she had the courage to step out and make him happy.

With these thoughts in mind, she walked into the kitchen where Suellen was supervising the cooks over supper.

"Suellen, we simply must have a barbeque here at Tara just like we used to during the old days. I know a place just by the river- I could plan it all. I know I could. Think of our children growing up without ever knowing how we used to court swains and make acquaintances during the old times. Wade is so tight lipped, I sometimes worry that he would grow up utterly humourless-"

Suellen laughed to herself as she watched the cook ladle out the gravy. "Scarlett, I would give anything to have those days back again." she said wistfully. "We were so young and so full of dreams and ideas-"

"But we can have those days back again!" interrupted Scarlett, emphatically.

Suellen looked nonplussed.

"I'm not dreaming of the old days. I am talking about throwing a barbeque right here at Tara. I can arrange it!"

Suellen's mouth hung open in surprise and scorn. "What do mean? You aren't serious?! Oh, Scarlett!" Just then Will entered from the back door. He sat down at the kitchen table and casually munched into an apple.

"I don't see how things have changed. We could cook meat and pork and invite our old friends. That spot by the river is just fine. We could dam it up if the water's too high- And there's a sloping grassland that is just perfect for running and having all kinds of games. And we could even tie swings for the girls-"

"And who are you going to get to help cook the food? We haven't got enough field hands to prepare the place, cook the food, clean up afterwards-"

"I'll hire free blacks" effused Scarlett, feeling rather drunk from her wild idea.

"That would never work!" snapped Suellen at once in a mix of embarrassment and anger. She looked at Will and then back at Scarlett.

"Why not? I know I can afford-"

Suellen's face grew white. "It's not about the money, Scarlett! You can have all the money in the world but..but.. Surely you can't be serious, Scarlett. In the old days, we had our own faithful fieldhands- our people.. and quality folks coming to our barbeque dinners. Now, everything's changed. Free blacks?! Just how would they get along with our own house servants? They'd look at us with impudence just like how the Yankees have taught them to. And what about the general air of the party? What could we talk about except the old times and ways? If you still insist on going ahead with this, you would only succeed in rattling our neighbours!"

Scarlett thought for a beat. Then she cheered up again. "Then, we'll do the work. If we could get out into the fields and pick and seed cotton, why can't we set up a hot stove and cook meat? We could serve the food ourselves and-"

Suellen flushed hard at this too. She angrily flung down a hand towel and stormed out muttering, "She's stirring up trouble and I won't be a part of it!"

Will watched Scarlett quietly as she voiced her own discontent with life. "Scarlett, just why do you want to do this?" he asked at last.

Scarlett looked at Will and for a moment, the certainty with which she looked and spoke to Suellen faltered and she felt Will could pierce into her innermost thoughts with his quiet gaze. "I'm not trying to stir trouble or rattle anyone. I miss the old fun we used to have and I want to bring it back. Why should we have to walk around moping when we could live as we pleased? And what is the use of upholding traditional values when the world has changed so much? Free blacks or field-hands..they are still people and they will work for wages. I know I can manage them!"

Will stood up and gazed hard at Scarlett. "Yes, but Scarlett, would you be willing to step out?"

"What do you mean?"

"No everyone can think as clear headed as you."

"I don't think people are going to fight over a barbeque."

"I didn't mean that."

"Then, what did you mean?"

Will smiled to himself. "I'll talk to Suellen. We'll decide who to call and how to take everyone to that place you mentioned. You can plan the rest. I know you have good intentions, Scarlett. But sometimes that is just not enough. Sometimes you need to take the risk and have the courage to really step out-"

Scarlett looked back him and quietly nodded.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Although Scarlett's announcement of organizing a barbeque and Will's silent support in hosting it seemed sensational at first, over the days that followed, the household at Tara accepted it and even began to look forward to it. Suellen adamantly decided it to be held on a Saturday and a happy gleam came into her eyes as she thought of all the acquaintances she herself had made and how she could call them for the barbeque.

Scarlett was anxious should Rhett abruptly leave but to her surprise, he still stayed on. Everyday he left on horseback with Will touring the vast countryside and the neighboring villages and old towns.

The words "the old glamor and charm .. and catch the towns and villages where the old times must exist" came to Scarlett's mind and again she worried about Rhett. He was looking back and it frightened her.

"I won't think about it now" she told herself. "I'll think about it tomorrow."

* * *

Then one day, just as Scarlett returned from supervising the building of a temporary dam on the river at Tara's outskirts, she threw down her bonnet and watched Suellen eagerly polishing her best silverware for the cookout. She cheeks were burning pink. "I never thought I would actually use these things. They seemed such a waste of money. But now.. to finally have quality folks at our plantation-"

Scarlett smiled. It was a genuine smile. She was able to read Suellen's feelings and not consider them with contempt. Of course her little sister was happy. She always loved to socialize with friends and family.

"When I spoke earlier about the lack of quality folks, I wasn't myself. I do see the importance of adjusting to the changing times. Oh Scarlett-"

Suellen paused and looked like she was about to burst into excitement. "I'm going to invite Mrs. Thomas Anderson. They are a Yankee family and they settled here in our County just two years back and they are the nicest people. They love our customs and our traditions-"

"I've met a few of them" replied Scarlett, eagerly.

"Yes, I seem to remember a Mamie Bart-" intervened Rhett, suavely. Scarlett glared at him in fury. He grinned widely and lit his cigar. "Sister Sue, just what did you mean by these wonderful Thomas Andersons who love the Glorious Old South?" asked Rhett, ignoring Scarlett's entirely.

Suellen looked uncomfortable for a moment. Before her, Rhett sat with languid grace on an old settee, his powerful arms and legs completely relaxed like a panther lazily lying in the sun after a good kill. She should not feel unperturbed by Rhett. And yet those dancing eyes sent out a very different message. As if he were weighing her words and storing them up for a future tete a tete. She glanced at Scarlett and found her sister looking completely annoyed and even a little nervous.

"Well, Mrs. Jane Anderson wasa teacher in a public school up north and her husband is a lawyer. But after the war, they decided to move to Georgia. She says its because even though she was a Yankee, her family first settled here in Atlanta."

"How convenient." said Rhett, smoothly. "I would love to meet these people."

Scarlett stared at Rhett. She could sense trouble ahead.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Wade arrived early on Friday morning and by that time Scarlett hired a group of freed blacks who were willing to tend to the preparation and serving of the food. They were a mixed bunch of men under one black man who knew how to read and write. Each one looked hungry for work because most of them had run away from former plantation owners and now under the changing government and unsteady political atmosphere, most of them were unhappy and bewildered in their new found freedom. Life at the moment seemed harder for these former slaves but they still held their pride and demanded more wages. Some of them even concealed a look of cunning behind their vacant eyes. It was a strange situation. Scarlett plodded on unperturbed but even she realized that it was better these men were kept a little away from the actual site of the barbeque.

Ashley Wilkes and India decided they would come too. When Scarlett asked Rhett about this, he merely shrugged.

An added surprise was Suellen's growing list of families. She had made several girlfriends on her trips with Will to Johannesburg and now they all had families of their own. They were not from the lineage of big planters. But they were decent folk, struggling to cope with the losses in the war just like any Southern family and they were quite happy to come up to Tara. This time around, there were several children.

Suellen kept badgering Scarlett about the number of children. The last thing she wanted was for everything to look like a nursery but Scarlett worked on this. She somehow changed the idea of a barbeque party. Usually people sat on benches and ate with their beaus. The matrons sat on one side and the men on the other, each attending to their own social circles. But seeing that the newer generation was going to dominate the crowd, Scarlett decided to lay out one common bench surrounded by a ring of trees where everyone could sit, men and women. Those who wished to sit elsewhere had benches by the oak trees. And the children were seated on the sheets spread in the sunny sloping grasses with a view of the river. And apart from this, there were activities which only Scarlett could have thought of. She decided on pony races for the children. Several of the best ponies were hired from the Tarleton farm for the day. And the day before the party, Scarlett ordered some men to build a small, simple, wooden stage with low quality planks from Ashley's mills. She sent up a mule laden with bags of colourful fabrics and old gowns that looked more like pre-war outfits. A servant was posted to watch over everything. When Suellen asked Scarlett about this, the latter said that the stage was for any impromptu recital or play which anyone wished to perform. Just how this would happen, Scarlett did not analyse. But she merely wished to add as much provision for various possibilities in a barbeque party like never before.

Soon a sturdy see-saw was added on the grassy slopes beside the river, a couple of swings on the branches of a muscular tree, hoops and sticks in plenty.

Scarlett flitted in and out of the house, on horseback or on foot, in a coach or carriage meeting people, making arrangements and she was so busy and distracted that no one could hold her down long enough to ask exactly what they must expect to see that the barbeque party.

* * *

The day of the barbeque arrived. It was a day of bright sunshine and the warm rays lighted up the pine trees and the white-starred magnolia trees. The guests arrived one by one, slowly and gracefully in their coaches, their children peering out, sensing a general air of excitement and goodwill. Suellen greeted her guests alongside Will. Rhett sat in a shady corner with Wade and Beau beside him, chatting and interrupting each other over the news of their school. Ella was already on the swing, kicking her legs and making herself swing faster.

But Scarlett was nowhere to be seen.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Scarlett stood well within the dark and cool cluster of the pine trees of Tara. At a distance she could see the sluggish yellow river banked up on both sides by the soft red earth. She looked up into the darkness of the canopy with a queer kind of surprise. She had never actually been in this place before. So many times she had wandered up and down the drive from her plantation home to the Oak trees near the main path and although she had entertained a lively imagination of these virgin forests at the outskirts of Tara, she had never actually felt the curiosity to visit here. And yet, here she was now.

Standing in the middle, looking up into the soughing pines, she wondered for the first time how her mother had neglected the gripping realities of such wondrous nature. In her mind's eye, she saw her father, ruddy and stout, riding in cocky pace on his horse and leaping over the high hedges. His white mane flying in the wind and his eyes alive with the rush of the moment. Her mother viewed this as dangerous and yes it was, but how it just be dismissed as dangerous? Wasn't it so much more? The thrill, the excitement- why hide it all? Why was it to be such a secret to hide from her mother? Why couldn't mother just stand and laugh at father's antics? Scarlett knew she would have.

Suddenly she felt seized by a surge of emotion. So much of what she wanted had been lost in Mother's vision for Tara. They had all stayed true to her vision but not true to themselves.

She understood her family like never before. Mother had somehow longed and needed her beloved cousin but he had been exiled unfairly. And she had lost some part of herself in him. Pa saw her as a gentle lady from the Savannah but he did not realize that she was too idealistic and impractical in her vision. After all, Georgians would have accepted any decent folk into their social circle. Didn't they accept Gerald even though he was Irish and hardly had any formal education? Who in Clayton County had demanded girls to be raised as "Great Ladies"? Of course, it was all very exciting at that time.

Now Scarlett wondered why it had seemed so exciting. Why was it so exciting to be a Great Lady? Why was that considered such an honor? And why in Mother's way?

Somehow she now understood that she had made up this lie to cover Mother's inability to romp around and enjoy Tara with her. And this lie covered a sea of childhood heartache and disappointments.

And Pa's inability to run the plantation and manage the slaves. Why was that such a secret? Why was everyone adjusting and tip-toeing over things.

Mother pretended as though she was acting under Gerald's orders and Gerald pretended that he had a loving wife. But in reality they only needed each other to support their own narrow worlds and when one was gone, the other's world collapsed.

And Scarlett had lost parts of herself in this superficial alliance.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Scarlett wiped some tears on her cheek and arrived on foot to the barbeque. She walked as if in a dream. Suellen rushed to her side at once, quickly chiding her for coming so late and then putting on a quick smile and beckoning for her to join them at the table. She could hardly eat but she managed a few bites before pushing away the plate. Her eyes wandered to Rhett but she could no longer be satisfied to know if he was enjoying himself or not. She somehow no longer cared. There seemed to be greater needs- things that needed to be set right ,right away.

When the meal was over and everyone were deep in conversation, Scarlett called Wade aside.

"Wade, honey- listen-" Scarlett looked squarely into her son's face. "I..I've just realized something. You know I asked you to manage Frank's store once you were done with college but- I think I've given some consideration to what your Aunt Melanie said-"

Wade's eyebrows shot up in quick surprise. But he remained silent and watchful.

Scarlett tried to laugh. "During my early years, we hardly needed lawyers. But the..the world..is constantly changing." Scarlett's voice trembled but she kept smiling. "And.. we do need lawyers for so many things-"

"Mother, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you can study law-if that is what you really want-"

Wade looked away for a moment and then looked at Scarlett. She smiled. He quickly nodded, trying to supress his happiness. Then after a few seconds of struggle, she awkwardly reached for his hand and he gripped it tight. Then he ran back to be with Beau. Her eyes followed him back to his seat and then rested on Rhett. Rhett had watched the whole thing. His expression of disinterest was unchanged.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"It will be all right" said Scarlett to herself. "Wade doesn't look very bright and sometimes he act all timid and quiet but he can be a lawyer if he really wants to. He can. It's the interest that matters, isn't it? And Melly was so encouraging. She must have known Wade better than herself. Melly understood him and she wanted him to do law. So, Wade will find a way. He will be a lawyer and a good one at than..even if he looks so quiet and moody now.."

Scarlett wiped some sweat off her forehead, feeling uncomfortable and vaguely irritated. She glanced at Rhett. He'd always told her that she had only a peasant's crude intelligence but here she was.. able to read into the future and pick up abstract patterns. She was able to do it.

She could be highly intelligent too.. if she wanted to.

But she hadn't wanted to.

Because if she had tried to think like this, she would have known instantly that her mother did not love her. Ellen didn't love her precocious nature. Her eyes never shone with pride when Scarlett, as a child, had climbed trees, won races, collected rocks and things from the gardens, splashed and tore her frocks by clambering on the rocks across the river..etc.. Ellen had only looked and disapproved because it did not align with her vision.

That's why Scarlett had shut down this ability to note nuances, expressions and predict future outcomes.

And as she stood in the sun, watching her barbeque party, the old fear of running through the mist gripped her in a frenzied hold.

* * *

Things appeared enveloping and frightening to her. Some children were clamouring for their parents to mount them up on ponies.. but the ponies were meant for older people, weren't they? Why were the children asking for them? Why was Ashley looking at her as if she had some rules to say? Why was Suellen talking for her and calling for the house servants to help the children up on the ponies?

What was the meaning of all this?!

Scarlett began to feel flushed and terrified.

There was Rhett. But what good was Rhett? Look at him, picking a quarrel with Mrs. Anderson- or is it.. is she picking a quarrel with him.. what is she doing?

Why was she praising the Old South to the skies?

What was she actually saying?

What was Mr. Anderson saying? Something about being near the swamp, the mosquito problem, the trappers who were constantly getting their chickens from the coops and the isolation from the main town..

Now, why is everyone looking so shocked?!

What did Rhett say?

Something about Southerners being old faithful dogs who other people think can't learn new tricks but once they do.. the world beware..

And the Yankees were like cats.. biting off more than they can chew and then struggling to swallow it.

Very clever of Rhett to say that. But how very horrible.

He has offended the Andersons.

He had offended Suellen and Will. Could anyone offend Will? Was he really offended?

What was the meaning of all this?!

Why was Rhett walking away?

She's seen that look on him before.. Some great meaning locked in the impatience of his eyes. What was it?!

Scarlett clutched her head in fright and despair.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Suddenly she heard loud, excited yells coming from the river. Some children had decided to go wading in the low water and the dam had broke through. Rhett had walked up to his horse, but he ran back and before anyone else could move, Scarlett bitterly supressed her overwhelming anxiety and wade into the water, grabbing some child's hand and pulling it to the shore. She didn't know how long she kept at it. All she understood was Rhett was collecting the nailed boards and some black man ..one from the troop of men she had hired had volunteered to help him. After pulling out a girl of two and a little boy, she sat on the bank, dazed and drenched.

People were talking things over her head and she could feel the alarmed stares of the women in the party. More and more hired men began to appear, drawn in by the commotion. They had huge, mocking grins on their faces that Scarlett felt like scratching their eyes out. When Suellen began lamenting over the unexpected sour turn in the party, Scarlett lashed out,

"Who asked you to let these children in in the first place?! You all do these things without asking me- And you-" Scarlett jutted her jaw towards the grinning back men. "Wipe that insolent grin off your face- I told you not to come here! I'll speak to your manager about this. I won't pay you. Now, get back!"

Everyone looked uncomfortable and someone offered to help Scarlett up. But she managed that on her own.

"Nobody knows the trouble I took to set up this party. I planned all these events and now everything's ruined. Don't you people know how to behave in parties? Why can't anyone do anything right?! All you people do is sit around and-"

Scarlett shook off her wet bonnet and limped to the table. She laid her head in her arms and burst into tears. Her face was burning with shame. Her mind was spinning and she felt as if she were spiralling into a deep unknown void that first appeared after Bonnie's death. It frightened her terribly.

One by one the guests began to leave. Scarlett found a more sympathetic Suellen pushing a plate of food to her and Scarlett cried that she wasn't hungry. She sobbed and sobbed until everyone was gone and only her own family was left in the solace of the hills and the trees.

When Scarlett looked up, Rhett was gone. Suellen was leaning on Will's shoulder as they sat under a tree. Wade and Beau were riding ponies and so were Susie and Ella. Scarlett sat up and wiped her eyes.

Will nudged Suellen and the later ran to Scarlett. "Will's sent those men away, Scarlett. They wanted their wages. There was some talk but he managed it."

Scarlett spoke through angry tears. "I should have never kept the party. The whole thing was ruined, wasn't it?! I've ruined it-" She began to sob so hard, that Suellen grew pained still. "Scarlett, I don't have your ideas to keep a party like this. Yes, it was ruined but don't get so upset- I've never seen you get so upset. It isn't like you- You are always so strong-"

"Why does everyone keep saying that?!" yelled Scarlett, angrier still. "I'm not strong. It's as if you all deliberately want to pin something on me. It's no use. Everything's gone. I can't keep anyone together. I just keep snapping at them and they all step back afraid.. I can't-"

"Is that why you are so upset?"

"No-" Scarlett hesitated.

"Then what is it?"

Scarlett didn't answer.

"Tell me-" pressed Suellen.

"I keep.. you remember after the war, how we struggled- during those days, I started seeing this nightmare.. that I am running through the mist and something is reaching out to grab me. I'm running, looking for a place of safety but I don't know what it is.. I still have that nightmare.. I'm terrified-"

Suellen looked bemused. She stared seriously into Scarlett's face. Scarlett couldn't bear her searching glance. She put her head down and continued weeping. Then she heard Suellen's voice.

"Then Scarlett, the next time you see that nightmare, just imagine.. I'm there.. as you are running.. I'm there in the mist.. And when you are running by me, I put out my hand and I'm giving you Pa's old hunting pistol and now you are armed and you can fight-"

Scarlett looked up in shock. She stopped sobbing as her mind accepted the lovely solution to her ridiculous fear. She looked at Suellen and found the later nodding and smiling through tears.

She instantly hugged her sister.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Scarlett stayed in her room for the next few days. Rhett had left the same evening of the barbeque party and his departure left Scarlett in low spirits. She felt gloomy and upset but somewhere in her mind, she marvelled at the ridiculous solution offered by Suellen for her ridiculous nightmare. It was a silly nightmare. Running through the mist.. why, there is no mist in Georgia. And things reaching out at her. And yet what a lovely, thoughtful solution - Pa's old hunting pistol.

And Suellen had been so kind. She had infinitely greater patience than Rhett.

It slowly dawned on Scarlett that the reason she had those nightmares was because she was unprepared to deal with her Mother's death and her own Pa losing his mind. With Suellen's patient, gentle promptings, she remembered how the others had cried and talked over Ellen's death and Gerald's state. They were honest with their feelings and found comfort in each other's company.

Scarlett had just repressed all those feelings and they had subconsciously ruled her mind for so many years. Suellen understood all this within just minutes. Scarlett found new respect for her sister. And she found it a huge relief to finally lean on someone with her cares - even if that person wasn't Rhett.

"Don't be too hard on him, Scarlett. Rhett just isn't his usual self after Bonnie's death. I know I haven't been with him much but when I first met him he had that gleam in his eyes, so alive and so powerful- He..he isn't like that now-"

"He ruined the party-" said Scarlett, glumly.

Suellen's cheeks flushed and she stayed quiet.

"Were your friends very much offended?" asked Scarlett, quietly.

"I think the Anderson family might not visit us..at least not until they get an apology." Suellen leaned back and sighed. "I was so much reminded of that last barbeque at Twelve Oaks. Rhett said something there too and offended all the men, didn't he? And he walked away after that. I guess some people never change-"

"You should have seen him in Atlanta- picking arguments and saying all those tart, clever things- making people look foolish- That's the reason I hated the very sight of him. He was so insolent and so confident- and there I was.. keeping my mouth shut and staying pleasant just so that I don't offend people into hating me- That's what Mother said- But no, Rhett just had to steal attention and then ruin everyone's good mood-"

Suellen chuckled. "Will.. I think you should talk to Will. He keeps taking Rhett's side and calling the Andersons as eager cats- He says its about time someone spoke bluntly to that woman who prides herself in patronizing the Old South like its some long, lost relic of the past-"

Scarlett remained dull.

"Cheer up, Scarlett. When you feel better, we can take the coach and visit them and make whatever amends we can-"

"That's no use. I wouldn't be able to do that-"

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't understand. I don't get along with people like that- I.. that's what we both quarrelled on at first.. Rhett and I. I built that Peachtree mansion and I threw this grand crush and everyone avoided attending as though I was stealing their money or something- And I started bringing other friends- women who loved to have a good time but not exactly from our kind of society and Rhett didn't like that. We quarrelled.. I quarrelled.. truth is, I hated him then- he looked like he had a heart of ice - as though nothing would shake him- as if nothing mattered-"

"He seemed to dislike your friends-"

"Oh you don't know, Rhett- his friends aren't upright or trustworthy at all. He's always poked fun at the most decent families-"

"Strange that he should have quarrelled over your company then-"

"Well, he didn't quarrel- he just withdrew- stopped caring- as though he was just a visitor staying for a spell-"

"Oh, then if I know anything about men- your selection of company mattered a lot to him. Did you quarrel over that again-?"

Scarlett frowned as she sifted through troubled memories. "Several times, yes.. He was very particular that Bonnie should be accepted into the best families-" Suddenly she sat up in shock. "Suellen, you don't think-" Then Scarlett slumped back down again. "No, Rhett would only steal all the attention with his arguments and curt remarks and walk away laughing-"

"Then maybe that is why he is so afraid? Maybe he can't help himself? Maybe that is what he is?"

Scarlett laughed cynically at this. "Rhett is always like this. Always picking on things and seeing things that aren't there and he always comes up right- He's led such a strange, off-track life-"

"Men aren't so hard to figure out emotionally, Scarlett. They are far worse than us- just children-"

"Rhett isn't like that-"

"That's what you think. Just talk to him and you'd be surprised. The thing that makes them angry the most is what they feel sad about. For men, unexplained anger is always a good indicator of sadness- Just talk to him. You'd be surprised at how simple his heart is."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

A week later, when Scarlett was seated at the porch and glumly glancing through Aunt Pitty's letter, she saw a black man walking down the avenue through the Oak trees. As he came closer, he took off his hat and Scarlett instantly recognized him to be the same man who had jumped into the river to rescue those children when the dam broke at her party.

"What do you want?" she asked, putting down her letter.

"I came to talk to you, ma'am-" said the black man, looking a little flushed and embarrassed.

"About what?" asked Scarlett, curiously. "What is your name?"

"My name is Jeb and I came here to ask you, ma'am.. if you would be so kind as to introduce me to that Anderson family that came to your barbeque-"

"Introduce you?" echoed Scarlett, surprised. She returned a stern gaze. "Why would I want to do that?"

"I want to work for them. It's hard finding jobs for us free folk. Before, we belonged to people and they told us what to do. We never had to go out looking for our next meal. We never had to think about what we want to do or who we want to work for. But such a thing has become important now and we are struggling."

"Well, I don't see why you can't go over there yourself and ask for a job. Why should I have to recommend you!"

"Because ma'am.. I heard them say that they were having trouble living near the swamp and I know all about how to deal with pesky trappers. I know because I've worked before at a plantation which was just next to a huge swamp and we used to keep an eye out for trappers all the time and I kept those unwanted trash a-hopping with my gun-"

"You can shoot?"

"Yes'm and I'm a mighty fine shot too-"

"What else can you do?"

"I can ride a horse and drive one- they said they were far away from the main town. I could cart them up and down all day if they paid me for it-"

Scarlett put down the letter and sat up in her chair.

"Ma'am.. I've got a wife and five children who are starving and we all found each other just last year and I've been trying hard to find a job with quality folks.. but thing is, they don't trust us no more. Most of them just take one look at us, ask us what wages we want and then send us away- I got me jobs in stores, town houses and things.. but those jobs ain't any good cause they just replace you just like that- Now, quality folks wouldn't do that. They'd take an interest in what you can do and who you are-"

"What makes you think I can help you?"

Jeb reared up his head and gave a swift glance. "Ma'am you were trying something new with your barbeque party and I thought you might help me. God knows, there are so many of us here looking for good jobs with old folks.. we ain't all useless and ungrateful-"

Scarlett relaxed a little but still stared at the black man. "Allright" she said, after a long pause. "I'll see what I can do. But you have to dress better and do you know how to read or write?"

"Yes'm, I can read and write..jest a little-"

"Allright then. Come next week. I'll see what I can do."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Scarlett and Suellen paid their visit to the Anderson family the following week. Mrs. Anderson profusely affirmed again and again how much she was inclined to put the whole barbeque incident behind her and in the next few minutes she bought the conversation a full circle to the unfortunate barbeque party once again. Scarlett very nearly forgot her promise to Jeb and only when she caught him standing anxiously by the window did she remember her task. She had been busy mulling over Rhett that she had missed most of the conversation but now she listened keenly to what Suellen was saying.

Mrs. Anderson looked at Scarlett from time to time and somewhere during the conversation she remembered thinking how distant and coldly courteous the older sister was compared to the younger one. But towards the end, she realized that she had made a mistake. For suddenly their conversation had taken a very pleasant swerve and the same older sister was now full of good humor and gaiety. Scarlett began her turn in the conversation by recounting how amiable her earliest Yankee customers had been and how much she had liked their views and ideas. She went into whist and it turned out Mrs. Anderson played whist too. Suellen looked a little surprised at this revelation but kept quiet. She saved all this information for later. Mrs. Anderson went from being pleased to being flattered. Scarlett persuaded that the Anderson family and their circumstance here in Clayton County was purely God's doing and there was a grand meaning behind it and the Georgian people would soon welcome them all in open arms. While she spoke all this, she could not help thinking how Mrs. Anderson looked like a well-fed pig just then, digging its snout in the trough and looked up, eyes wide with a mouth full of food.

When they finally prepared to leave, Scarlett asked to see the place and Mrs. Anderson introduced her eldest son and asked him to show them around. They walked along the garden path and then across the lawns and a grove and finally they could see the edge of the grove where the trees grew scarce and the ground dipped into swampland.

"You must have a huge difficulty with the swamp so close by-"

"Oh yes! We keep losing our animals to swamp trappers and some of them are even bold enough to steal from our hen coops. But I wont go into our domestic affairs. They must bore you." replied George Anderson.

"Oh..no.. not at all" replied Scarlett, flashing a charming smile. "I know it must be hard for you all to live here so far away from your own people. Even the help around the house must be so unreliable- I suppose that's one area that we ourselves can boast about. We have still got our loyal people about the house.. they are all happy and contented to just stay with us till they turn old and grey and they are so good at the work they do.. not like the free folk who you can't trust with a sack of cotton-"

Suellen looked bewildered from Scarlett to George wondering what on earth her sister was talking about.

They turned back to the house.

"Goodness, when I see a swamp like this, I remember how our sow and her chitterlings were lost in their depths.. It was just after the war and food was scarce and we needed able hands to keep Tara going- Suellen, do you remember going into the swamp, calling out for the sow? No? That's right. Because only people who know about the swamp can go boldly inside and retrieve the lost animals. Swampland isn't for everyone and there are so many things hiding in there.. you would need a man who was a good straight shooter. Luckily we have one."

* * *

Before Scarlett could signal the carriage to take them away, she stuck her head out and said, "During the old days, my Pa never thought twice about buying slaves from one plantation to another. When he saw an opportunity he took it and he was well respected for having able bodied men to work for him. He often said, it brought families closer."

After a month, Jeb found a new job at the Anderson's home.

Scarlett found an odd pleasure in helping that man find a secure place to provide for his family. And Jeb was happy too and so were the Anderson's. How subtly she had dropped hints here and there, during every visit about Jeb and how well he could shoot. Yes, she had played a large part in his success. And how had he thanked her? By bringing a young black girl from Savannah who was hiding in Macon. This girl also needed a home but the difficulty was she spoke fluent French and very little English. She could sew well and she was a very good lady's maid. But she was unable to find work because she couldn't speak English. Could Scarlett find a place for her too?

Scarlett looked at the girl from head to toe, noticing how crisp and proper she looked in her pressed calico dress and how find her embroidery work was displayed on her parlour table.

She began to wonder which family she could persuade this girl into.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

Jeb had written a small note. It was dictated by him and written by one of the Anderson boys in an elegant hand. When Scarlett glanced across the lines expressing gratitude and sincere appreciation for her efforts in placing him with the family, Scarlett felt very pleased. It was the first time in a long time when somebody in the world appreciated her for something and everyone knew that praise from an age old house servant can never be flattery or fake.

Now with very few people to turn to, Scarlett felt she owed it to herself to keep the note and help other former house servants in similar predicaments. She felt she deserved it. She needed to hear kind words. She needed to be appreciated and praised. She found it brought her happiness and a sense of belonging to the world.

She couldn't turn to beaus to satisfy this need for she was still in love with Rhett. Somehow he occupied all her thoughts whenever she was tired or upset. So, she felt it would be disloyal to approach any other man as during her flirtatious days.

She couldn't turn to her family for she was ashamed of appearing needy and vulnerable.

She didn't have many girl friends at all after Melanie's death. So, she gladly turned to the black house servants. They were a trustworthy, reliable lot. And with her success in placing Jeb, she wanted to try her hand again.

This time with Hanna, the little black lady's maid.

* * *

After talking to Hanna and letting her fix her hair, Scarlett decided that the best place to take her would be to her Aunt Pauline's house. She would exhibit her there and get some names of worthy families from her Aunt who almost knew every family in Charleston. Scarlett announced her two week trip to Charleston the next morning and the family at Tara looked surprised and even amused. But Scarlett looked so firm and impersonal that no one pried further into her affairs. And yet Mammy pushed out her lower lip in disapproval and vowed to have a talk with Hanna herself.

When Scarlett descended down the stairs in her travelling clothes with Ella by her side, she found Mammy scowling and talking rather heatedly with Hanna.

"Mammy, what do you mean by yelling at Hanna?" asked Scarlett, annoyed.

"I wasn't yelling at her, Miss Scarlett. But I was right about one thing-"

"What's that?"

"This girl is only the first one from a long line of her type, waiting for you to put them in families.. she's got two sisters in row. She'll spring them on you when you find her a job in Charleston-"

"Is that true, Hanna?" asked Scarlett, surprised.

"I have two sisters, Miss and they need jobs too cause we're all poor and confused about just where we belong in this new world. But I wasn't gonna spring them on you like how Mammy said-"

"Never mind what Mammy says. Now we better get going or we'll be late!"

Hanna bowed and ran to add her small trunk to the coach while Scarlett bid her good-byes. Mammy looked sullen and disapproving. "Just like your Ma. Tramping all over God's blessed land, doing things for people that cared nothing for her- wearing herself out, not eating right-"

Scarlett turned back in shock. She blinked in surprise and pleasure at this unexpected, rather outrageous compliment. "Mammy, you aren't comparing me with Mother are you?"

"Well, you're Miss. Ellen's daughter, ain't you? It's bound to be in your blood. I'm only sorry I can't come with you, honey. But you know your Mammy is getting too old for travel-"

"But Mammy, Mother was so unselfish and kind. How could you possibly compare me to-"

"I don't know what all that is. But I sure remember Miss. Ellen started out like you. First she helped one servant..then another and another and she just got so good at it.. And it took away all her time and health. "

"Well, that won't happen to me, Mammy. Don't you worry about that!" said Scarlett, her eyes snapping happily as she clambered into the coach and waved good bye to the family.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

 _"If you was just half as nice to white folks as you is to blacks, I expect the world would treat you better"_

Scarlett felt a little surprised when Pork's words several years ago, almost a decade ago, came to her memory. She glanced over at the maid who sat by her side. Here was Hanna. She had been called "Anna" by her former mistress who had also taught her to speak French. But her parents had intended for her to have a Bible name. This girl was well-mannered, soft spoken and generally stared listlessly into space. Scarlett planned to show her off to her Aunt Pauline but the problem was Hanna was a ladies maid and such servants never had any real cause to enter the parlour room at all. Perhaps she could lure Aunt Pauline to her own bedroom by pretended to ask her some suggestions for her dresses- Scarlett frowned and thought hard. She was starting to sense some difficulties. With Jeb, it had been a little easy since she knew for certain that the Anderson family could afford to hire him. But she wasn't sure if the families in Charleston were wealthy enough to hire maids. For all she knew they could all still be poor and starving. She threw a glance at Hanna.

"Hanna, you didn't tell me how much you were expecting for your position-"

Hanna looked wide-eyed at this and even a little alarmed.

Scarlett couldn't help grinning at her startled gaze and prodded, "My Aunt would find a family for you- I'm sure I can put some notions into her head but I have to know what you want in return-"

Hanna swallowed and then smiled. "I'm not asking for much.. just lodging and food and a little pocket money-"

"How can that be enough?" replied Scarlett, annoyed.

"It's enough for me, Miss."

Scarlett directed a steady gaze at her and suddenly Hanna began to look upset. "Miss.. I thought- I know I should have told you before.. but.. When we refugeed, we were starving and I believe we had only fruit to live on and we never had no eggs or meat or anything.. and I.. well.. some months later, I noticed my eyes weren't seeing like they used to-"

"You're.. you're not-"

"Well, Miss. Scarlett-" Hanna's hands were trembling but as the tears welled in her eyes, Scarlett could now see that her right eye was completely blind.

"But it's-" Scarlett looked indignant and stunned at the same time. Hanna wiped her eyes.

After a long while, Scarlett spoke. "When you fixed my hair, I thought you were very good with your hands. I never dreamed that you were blind in one eye-"

"I didn't want to fool you, Miss. But there's no place for me to go. And I don't know any quality folks except my own family and they're all dead. I have no place to go." Hanna wrung her hands desperately. "All I want is lodging, food and.. and .. maybe... in time.. some doctor who can tell me what to do about my eyes- I don't want any salary except for some pocket money-"

"Yes.. yes, I understand" said Scarlett. She gave a feeble smile of reassurance. "Well, I'm glad you told me at least now. Don't cry your eyes. I'll find a place for you-"


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

Scarlett felt uneasy. She threw a furtive glance at Hanna and frowned to herself. A few years back, if she had ever met Hanna and had the same conversation with her, she would have thought her a fool for revealing her blindness and not asking for a salary. She would have also thought Hanna helpless and foolish for allowing starvation to take away her eyesight. Somehow she did not think this way now.

"What has changed?" asked Scarlett to herself.

Before, she had been a harsh judge of people who wouldn't seize opportunities, people who still pretended that the world hadn't changed and that they could afford to be genteel and generous. She would have judged them to be fools.

But she didn't think that way now.

When she looked at Hanna again, she knew the young woman was looking for the exact same thing that she herself had looked for - security. And somehow, ever sine Rhett walked out on her, she was becoming more and more convinced that that the feeling of security would never really exist for her ever again.

"Hanna, listen-" said Scarlett, after a moment. "I shall speak to Miss. Pauline all about you and I can only hope she looks past your blindness and helps you find a good Charleston family that will take you. But even then, I think you should demand a salary... after all, you are free now-"

"Oh no, Miss. Scarlett." Hanna flushed hard.

"Well? Why not? A little money saved up in a bank will do you a lot of good, wouldn't it?"

"No ma'am." Hanna looked upset and perplexed. But she couldn't speak English well enough to express her feelings. But she tried. "If I ask money.. the mistress..she will not speak to me- not freely.. like in the old days-"

"What do you mean?" asked Scarlett, frowning. "Your mistress used to confide in you?"

Hanna looked bewildered.

Scarlett repeated her question in simpler words. "Did your mistress speak to you about herself?"

"Oh yes!" answered Hanna, with an expansive smile. "She spoke only to me."

Scarlett gave a patronizing smile. "That was only because we were all rich in those days. Times have changed. Now we can no longer idle our time-"

"No. No." replied Hanna, shaking her head vehemently. "It's not money-"

"I don't understand. Of course its money-"

"No, it is not. Forgive me-" Hanna began to speak in broken English. "Quality folk..always the same...no matter what troubles come. My Miss.. she speak to me all day long.. I fix her hair and she speak to me.. she tell me stories..ask my advice and I speak to her.. and I feel I belong. I am in the family. I belong."

"Yes yes..but times have changed now. Your Miss can't afford you-"

"No. My Miss.. she died-"

"Oh."

"If my Miss were still alive, she would tell me tales before the war.. I would still listen and I would belong-"

"But all those tales would only bring sadness, wouldn't it? What is the use of it all?"

"The use? Why? I feel important because I make my Miss happy-"

"By listening to her."

"Oh yes! Yankee family was willing to hire me for a week. They offer good money. But I refuse."

"Why?!"

"Because they hire me, pay me and then where do I go? Where do I belong? I am not important. Just something to be paid-"

"But..but-" Scarlett felt distressed. "Why should you care? You have money,don't you?"

"Money I have. But I want to feel important too. Money cannot give me that."


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

"You said that you had two sisters. Wouldn't you feel important if you could buy them good food and good clothes? Wouldn't that be a sensible thing to do?"

Hanna spread her hands with a smile. "Miss, if the family I went to work for ...if they gave me a salary, then I will take it. It is the sensible thing to do. And my family will be happy. But I will never ask for it. Not now when everyone is still poor. Everyone must be together in happiness and sadness-"

"It still sounds foolish to me. "

"Miss, today I buy a dress for my sister and today she needs a dress. But after wearing it ...after two days.. she thinks about the stain she got on the dress and how her hard work makes her spoil it. She does not remember my gift anymore. She thinks only about what she wants-"

"Then I'll say that you have a very selfish and ungrateful sister!"

"No Miss. Not ungrateful. But yes, selfish. Everyone is."

"Are they?" quipped Scarlett, feeling a little annoyed by Hanna's words.

"Yes. That is why money isn't enough. Once it goes, no one remembers. But a kind word ...that everyone remembers-"

"Oh fiddle-dee-dee..."

"And when I listen and listen to my old Miss, she likes me and thinks I am good to talk to- And when she is in trouble..I am able to make some idea to make her happy again and she take my idea- because she likes me-"

Hanna's eyes widened. "But I don't do this for my own happiness- I do really like the Miss. I tell her so- What is the matter, Miss? Why are you sitting with such a smile?"

Scarlett smiled ruefully. "I was remembering my Mother. When you spoke, I remembered her. She was a lot like this. She took real interest in everyone and everyone loved me.. especially me."

"That is nice" murmured Hanna.

"No. I don't think it was-"

"Why not?"

"You see, Hanna.. sometimes, sometimes.. just listening and taking real interest is not enough... sometimes, a Mother has to share herself.. especially with her children-"

"Ah.. to be close?"

"Yes. I think I always wanted her to be close to me. I always wanted it. But somehow she couldn't-"

"And this upsets you so much even now?"

Scarlett looked up and squared her shoulders. "Yes. It does. But what really upsets me is.. when the war happened, every family lost a father, a son, a beau or a husband.. and all the mothers cried for their dead. And whoever was badly wounded, they came staggering back to their mother's arms."

Tears welled Scarlett's eyes.

"But I was the only one who lost a Mother in the war. The whole thing was turned upside down. I was all right. All through the flight from Atlanta, all I could think of was my Mother and how good it will feel to be safe again... Isn't that what the men are dreaming of when they return from the war? They dream of their mothers- someone who has the house stable and safe.. someone who will know what to do after the drama is over.. they all found their mothers but I didn't find mine. And all the ladies I know.. they fly to protect their children..grown men and women.. they still worry after them and care for them.. and their grown children..yes, they make mistakes and they are learning.. but they've still got their Mother, backing them.. Someone who can set them on the right track and soothe their fears.. And God took her away-"

Scarlett's shoulder's shook but she didn't cry. The tears seemed to hold in her eyes in bitterness. "I stopped feeling then. What was the use? If she were alive.. then.. at Tara, life would have been different. Mother would have taken care of Melly, Pa wouldn't have lost his mind, Suellen wouldn't have disgraced herself by associating with Yankee riff raff and Careen wouldn't have gone to a convent. Things would have been hard but life would have had meaning. But not only did God take her away but he always make the entire load fall on me- so I couldn't feel anymore- I couldn't.. I couldn't.."


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

For the first time since after the war, Scarlett wept for her personal losses. She always thought that if she ever opened the floodgates, the pain will be so huge that she'd rather die and she was partly right. Her heart squeezed and tore within her but out of grief and bitterness, only a few tears slipped down her cheeks. She did not grieve as she thought she would. Somehow, when she brought up memories of her Mother and Gerald, the memories were mixed.. both old and new. When she thought of her Mother, she remembered her tall, slender form, wearing black taffeta and her black hair combed to a smooth chignon which seemed to weigh her head a little backwards. But to this, she also mixed realistic memories of her Mother working tirelessly during the war, on her last visit to Tara. She remembered her hassled face and her worried expressions. This balance of memories seemed to give her strength to stop her tears and cry another time. When she thought of her loud, blustering father, again, to her surprise, her memories were mixed.. both old and new. When she remembered Gerald, looking so lost and childlike during his last years, again she found she could not lose herself in grief.

It was common sense that held her back.

Scarlett decided she would rather tell the truth to her Aunt about Hanna. But first she would stay a few days and subtly show her Aunt how good a maid Hanna could be. So, without Aunt Pauline's knowing it, she was being prepared to like the little black maid with a soft voice that spoke such fluent French.

* * *

Aunt Pauline could not help feeling deeply sympathetic towards Hanna. When she heard of her blindness in one eye, the old Aunt clicked her tongue and commented to Scarlett about how everyone had suffered in their own way because of the war. But her Aunt did not immediately offer to find some position for Hanna. Scarlett thought with impatience that she would have to wait another week before she could hint at her Aunt to do the same.

Whenever they went visit, Scarlett always kept an eye out for the kind of family that might be interested in keeping Hanna.

One evening, they happened to visit a family where the old gentleman was a Dr. James Mosby who had served as an army doctor during the war. He was retired now but still making a few house calls. When the family agreed to take Hanna, she was effusive towards Scarlett in praise and gratitude.

Scarlett was pleased but it was a bittersweet happiness for her since she always imagined herself to be surrounded by her friends and family and Rhett when she finally became a Great Lady. Mammy's words had planted hopes in her heart about a change in herself but she had always expected to impress Rhett.

And he wasn't there.

* * *

One evening, as they sat knitting at the table, Scarlett looked up and asked her Aunt how the entire Robillard-O'Hara alliance came about and how it was received at Savannah. Aunt Pauline was surprised by this question but nevertheless, she like reminiscing the past and she began to think.

"It was such a long time ago, Scarlett. Your Mother was very young and she was a very pretty girl. And she had many beaus from Savannah and even one or two from Charleston. She was the youngest in the family, a very well-brought up young girl. And your Mother fancied a wild and reckless cousin as a favourable beau. We were all against it. And we sent that boy away because we were ashamed of his wild behaviour."

Aunt Pauline dropped her knitting and frowned. "Our times weren't like the present- Nowadays young ladies marry whomever they please in just a few days of courtship. When I heard that Edward's daughter- that pretty, rosy-cheeked Prudence was going to marry her beau in just a week, I thought-"

"Aunt, please.. I'd rather you spoke about my Mother- What happened after her cousin died?"

"Oh you know the story?" asked Aunt Pauline in surprise. "Did you hear it from your father?"

"No. I think.. I..I don't remember. But I want to know-"

"Yes, he died. He died in a most undesirable place. None of us speak of him. But your Mother blamed us for his death. She set her heart against us and threatened to go to a convent just to upset her poor father who was a Presbyterian."

"Why was it so terrible for her to go to a convent?"

"My dear!" Aunt Pauline dropped her knitting once again. "It isn't necessary! Your Mother wanted to go to a convent and your grandfather was against it because ...because the entire thing was .. well, He was a Presbyterian!"

Scarlett looked blank.

"My dear, it isn't necessary to step out of the social class and do good deeds to receive pardon for one's sins. It is faith and faith alone that will overcome. And all this work of writing prayers and church worship readings with the Apostles in mind.. we don't believe-"

"Yes Aunt" replied Scarlett, hastily. "Was that when my Mother met Pa?"

"Yes. He was an old gentleman and he had been courting her for sometime. They were married in few days time."

Aunt Pauline looked up shrewdly. "Why all these questions now Scarlett? What makes you wonder so much about your parents?"

Scarlett shrugged lightly. "I often think how two people so unlike each other could be so kind and devoted to one another-"

"I have never spoken for very long to your father and it was so many years ago. But I recall him to be a kind man, a little boisterous and ambitious gentleman but kind and gentle nevertheless. I am sure Ellen admired him for those virtues."

"Yes, but I don't think Pa understood Mother very well-"

"It doesn't really matter, Scarlett. Your Uncle Carey doesn't understand me very well too. But I don't mind. You see, Scarlett- men are like children. They talk big and work themselves up into fine tempers. But the truth is, deep inside they are like children. They have to know that they are important. I am sure Ellen made your father feel important-"

"Oh, yes.. she always did!"

"Well then-"

"But Aunt, how can that alone make a happy marriage?"

"Are you saying they weren't happy?"

"No, I-"

"Why should it matter, Scarlett? Why after so many years?"

"I know that Pa thought my Mother was a walking miracle. We all did. But I don't know how- Pa was an Irishman- And Mother did not understand many things about being Irish-"

"Scarlett, my views are old-fashioned but there is good sense in them. Not everyone falls wildly, passionately in love when they are married. When your Mother wanted to get away from us, your father appeared and he was a gentleman despite his unknown lineage-.. And in a way, he must have been a kind escape for her. And she made the best of the life he could give-"

"Mother worked for an unfair amount of time on Tara. In the end, Pa couldn't do without her-"

"Ah yes-" Aunt Pauline's eyes twinkled. "Always take the lead but defer the credit to the husband"

Scarlett looked bewildered.

"Scarlett, a woman may work twice as hard as a man- But she must never say it out loud or prove it out in front of men."

"Why not?!" cried Scarlett.

Aunt Pauline frowned. "Because our men aren't mature enough to understand!"

"Pa was a little boy in many ways-"

"Not just your Pa. All men are that way- When the good Lord cursed Adam and Eve, he made sure Eve an never expect any kind of leading but only domination from Adam. Our husband will never lead us. They will never willingly put their hands to work and getting results. They would see it as a slur to their pride. And if we did approach them or reproach them, they would roar and growl like lions. It is we, the wives who do the actual work. We bend our backs and pass the credit to our husbands when in fact, we are the true leaders."

"I don't see why any woman should stoop to-"

"My dear, you have very many things to learn. By the time a man has jumped through several hoops to win your heart, the least you could do is credit your accomplishments to him. Think of it like as though you were handling a child. Imagine yourself sitting with Wade and drawing a picture. He scribbles outside the lines and keeps making mistakes. But you fix it up and you show it to everyone and tell them Wade has done it, don't you? That's your motherly pride. And in return, you have Wade's adoration. That's the ultimate reward. Every woman wants to be adored-"


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

Aunt Pauline sighed as she studied Scarlett's face. "Scarlett, I know being raised by two parents who were so different from each other must have been confusing to you-"

Scarlett shrugged distractedly. "I don't know, Auntie. Whenever I think of them or try to do anything they said, I can't .. all I have are impressions- Mother ..working hard and appearing so wise like Holy Mary and Pa , always so loud and hearty and vigorous. Sometimes, I think that between them, they didn't really care about how they appeared to their own children-"

Aunt Pauline clicked her tongue. "Now Scarlett, before you go judging your parents, you've got to realize these times aren't like the old times. You still can't take your parents words as sacred. You've got to weigh them.. some are good instructions.. some aren't. And if they said terrible consequences on certain things, then you've got to think if those consequences hold up in today's world or not-"

"Mother always wanted me to appear genteel and sedate- she said it was an attractive quality for a lady to possess. That and.. never appearing too intelligent, outspoken or headstrong-"

"Are those values holding up now?"

"I don't know" mumbled Scarlett, confused and worried. "That is just it, Auntie. Now when I am travelling around, helping people, I feel so afraid.. I always imagined someone would be with me when I finally stepped out and became more like my Mother-"

"You mean Rhett?"

Scarlett looked up and saw that knowing look in her Aunt's eyes. "Has he been here?"

"No. But I know that there has been some upset between you and Rhett Butler. He's been staying with his mother these past few months, hasn't he? Does he come to visit you?"

"Yes. Yes, he does. There isn't any upset between us-"

"Perhaps there is, perhaps there isn't- But let me tell you this, Scarlett. You've got to start sorting out the words of your parents and your own feelings regarding the way things are going with your life. I hear you talking of sending Wade to law school.. what is to happen to the store? Why didn't you give it up long ago? What about your house? Who is to live there and where will you raise Ella? And are you content to live in town? You must know where you are headed!"

"I always thought I would think and decide these things with Rhett by my side-"

"Never mind him. From what I heard from his mother, he was never himself after his little girl passed away. You must be strong for the both of you. You simply must. There is no other way-"

* * *

Deep down Scarlett knew her Aunt was right. But fear gripped her. It seemed strange and frightening to really step out and grip life by the horns and live it. Until now, the dream of winning Ashley over had sustained her through the troubles and trials of the post war and reconstruction era. Now, she could kindle any such fantastic dreams about Rhett. And yet there was a thin sliver of hope. Perhaps if she really took charge of her affairs, Rhett might have a change of heart and become madly in love with her.

And the longer Scarlett lay on her bed and remembered Rhett, the more she convinced herself that what she felt was the truth. Rhett would come to her. There is no other way.

* * *

Weeks later when Scarlett returned to Tara, she went riding out with Will and surprised him with her questions.

"You always told me I didn't know what was going on in people's minds-" said Scarlett, by way of explaining her intent.

Will stared at her calmly and after running his hand through his pinkish hair, he began to speak,

"Well, Scarlett.. since you want to know. I'll explain with Suellen as an example. Now, I know you think her silly to want a carriage and dresses during a time of poverty and famine as after the war. I know this for a fact because you told me so yourself. That is why I am referring to it."

"Yes?"

"Now. Perhaps inside I agree with you. Perhaps I too think Suellen was spoiled and silly. But telling that to her face.. just like that.. won't make her feel any kinder towards me. You see Scarlett, if I speak my mind, I hurt her pride and make her feel small and then she would set out to prove me wrong. And that ain't useful to me at all."

"So, what are you saying?"

"What I am saying is, if you want Suellen to do anything for you, you've got to start genuinely taking interest in what she likes...even if it is only carriages and dresses.."

"Oh you mean flattery-" said Scarlett, rolling her eyes.

"No. I mean. Genuine interest like how I took a genuine interest in Tara-"

"But, didn't you-" Scarlett stopped. Until then she assumed that Will stayed on at Tara because he had no other place to go. That is what he said himself. But now she remembered he told her that after showing genuine interest in Tara.

Will nodded ahead.. he was following her thoughts. "I seemed interesting to you because I was first interested in Tara. That's the first secret to knowing other people.. I mean, understanding them. "

Scarlett ran these words through her head. "Then Rhett was wrong. According to you, everybody is selfish. Not just me and-" She stopped and blushed suddenly. "Now, Will... what would I get out of understanding Suellen's mind or any other person's mind.."

"Why, it saves you from being lonely. Why if you showed genuine concern for some woman's knitting ideas, she might show some interest in your own sawmill business-"

Scarlett looked surprised. "I think you are mistaken-"

"No, there are ladies like you. The only reason why they don't compliment you frankly is because you pretend their words don't matter and you make them feel small and unimportant."

"But they've always been so judgemental-"

"Yes, but you would be surprised by how quickly you could turn those opinions around!"


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Scarlett stared for a long time at Will and then with a quiet sigh, she laid the tips of her fingers on Will's arm and said, "Will, I do understand everything you are telling me. And maybe I will try what you say. But I want to tell you one thing. Its... it's something I've never told anyone - even Suellen. And.. and I want you to listen to me - like a brother, do you understand-"

Will looked steadily at Scarlett and Scarlett felt from his gaze that he already knew what she was going to say.

"All my life, Mother trained me to be a great lady just like how she was. But there were moments when she never actually understood that I was different from her. I'd like to think that whenever she saw the real me, she only saw it with reproach and saw it as something to be corrected.. But Mother was always such a sweet and gentle person." Scarlett paused a moment and continued. "Anyway, all I knew since childhood was if I could only do certain things, then, I'd reach this place where I would feel loved and safe. I thought that way. I don't know why I did. I don't understand that. But that is the way its always been. Mother wanted me to be a belle and I was, she wanted me to smile and walk sedately and dance and I did. And I won the approval of every County Swain, my Pa, my Mother.. And I lived on this. But you know the one person I was aiming to get approval out of?"

Scarlett gave a nervous yet bitter laugh. "It was Ashley. Ashley Wilkes. I suppose it could be interpreted as something else but there it is. I wanted Ashley Wilkes to approve of me. Because he was such a gentleman - the best gentleman there ever was in Clayton County and any praise from him.. from the highest and the best...would satisfy me and set me up for life."

"Scarlett-" began Will, with a faint smile.

"Believe it or not, Will.. Melanie could understand. No one else did.. not even Rhett. Rhett thought I was in love with Ashley. But I wasn't. I only wanted Ashley's approval. I wanted him to tell me that I was gentle and kind and sensitive and delicate-"

"Couldn't you have known that on your own?"

"But I'm not those things" said Scarlett in sudden tears.

"How do you know?"

Scarlett snapped in anger and blew her nose in a handkerchief. She felt so angry that she couldn't even speak.

"When you kicked Jonas Wilkerson out of Tara, I thought you were showing your sensitive side. You cared that much about Tara-"

Scarlett shook her head and to her frustration, she felt tears slipping down again.

"Scarlett, perhaps you did head after Ashley Wilkes and perhaps whatever compliments he could give you were worth that much.. but can't you see it like this - By chasing after your ideal, you have learnt how to run a business, how to sow and pick cotton, how to deliver a baby and manage a large house- you've learnt these things by chasing your moon- And now you don't have the moon, but you have these skills.. and you can put them to good use, can't you?"

Scarlett stared at Will, and her cheeks grew pink and warm with gratitude and embarrassment. She tightly clutched Will's arm, the only sign that his words were making good common sense.

"Now the question is, can you?"

"Can I what?"

"Can you stop running after anyone's approval and do something really useful with all the things you've learned?"

Scarlett smiled and blew her nose again. "I can try. But I am afraid."

"Why?"

"I see now that I may have trampled all over Rhett's heart in that rush to reach that safe place- Oh Will, somehow I have this dreadful feeling that Rhett is going to be mean and nasty about all my past sins-"

"Let him be mean and nasty, if he must. But you do what you have to do!"


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

When Scarlett left Will, her heart felt momentarily light from laying her burdens and confessions on Will's shoulders. But in the very deepest chambers of her heart, she felt guilty and afraid that she did not tell Will that after Ashley, she has set her mind to pursue and get Rhett Butler. She was almost helpless in her hopes to secure her husband now. And yet the very same deep chambers resonated with uncomfortable truths about Rhett.

During her conversation with Will, Scarlett had heard herself speaking for the first time. It seemed like the first time. How clearly and wonderfully she had explained her own nightmare of running through the mist. Yes, that was what she had been doing. It felt like she had been doing that since she was born. Never mind who she was running from or where she was running or why she was running. **The point was she would always be running or in Rhett's words -always be reaching for the moon.** Ellen had been that place of safety and security. And Ashley had been a temporary relief. Or rather Ashley's words had been a temporary relief. The way he rode down to Tara from his European trip, a handsome, learned, cultured man and yet so full of chivalry and nobility, taking off his hat and looking up at her. How overjoyed she had been in her teen years. She had assumed so hastily that since Ashley appeared so genteel and noble, he would identify the same qualities in her - or when he said he identified them, that he spoke the truth. She never for once imagined that Ashley harbored thoughts of lust towards her and avoided her as if she were some poisonous temptation. Scarlett shuddered as she thought these words and recoiled with disgust at her own conclusions.

But now the trouble was whenever she tried to fit the same coat of armor on Rhett, her own experiences with him rose in a loud shout against her. Hope conflicted with fear for now several things were becoming evidently clear. She cast her thoughts back and marvelled at how two conversations they had had - the one on the night after Melanie's reception and the one after Melanie's death, two very different conversations but how similar they had been in tone and emotion.

In the first, She had been high-handed with Rhett. Rhett was drunk and he was raging and bellowing. But she could see that he was jealous of herself and Ashley and she had coldly remarked that he was jealous and he would never understand that kind of love. That he was only capable of carnal lusts. She said she had felt pity for him and she had walked away.

And in the second, they had changed places. She was the one earnest and pleading now. And Rhett had been as cold and dismissive as she had been before. He copied her tone and her lack of emotion - the words were different, the situation was different but the tone and emotion were the same. Almost as if he wanted to hurt her and cause her as much pain as she caused him.

And now several instances came leaping to her mind when Rhett played tit-for-tat. It was strange that just after she had excluded Rhett from her relationship with Ashley, Rhett had taken steps to secure Bonnie's affection and exclude Scarlett from his relationship with the little girl. Just as she closed the door on him, he closed the door on her. She had been insensible then. It was strange how everything he had adored about her, her single-mindedness, her bravery, her quick words, her frankness... everything that he loved about her was what he hated about her now. He called her single-mindedness - stubbornness, her bravery was now childish tantrums, her quick words were thoughtless and selfish, and she should have been soothing instead of frank. Even as she thought this, she wondered if Rhett might be crazy for turning the tables on her as he did in the end. And it wasn't even that she defended herself or that she couldn't change - but wasn't he overreacting to everything? They had both been bad and horrible with each other. Why couldn't he see the good with the bad?

Why was his heart fixed on her being bad and why was Scarlett's heart threatening to fix itself on him being good despite her brain telling her otherwise?

Pangs of dull pain wrenched her heart now but she couldn't cry just yet. She glumly wondered why. Her heart tore and twisted within her. Was there any way to resolve this stabbing pain of conflict?! Anxiously she clutched at her head and reached for some headache pills.

She was at her own home now. And in front of her were some unopened letters. One was a thank-you note by Hanna and worded by Aunt Pauline. She decided to open that one later. The others were some bills. Already somebody else wanted her to find a suitable place for him to work in. Cookie had sent up the maid to tell Scarlett that a man was waiting at the kitchen's rear entrance with his hat in his hands, waiting to speak to her. Scarlett smiled lightly. Her only solace was in her present occupation now. She felt happy when she thought of that. It made her happier than many things- almost as happy as her darling sawmills.

Distractedly she tore open Aunt Pauline's letter and another smaller letter fell out.

Her hands trembled violently as she picked up the paper and her eyes fell on her Aunt's wispy writing,

 _"Rhett visited us last week and inquired after you-"_


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

She skipped over Hanna's many words of gratitude. She skipped over Aunt Pauline's usual cordial sentiments and raced straight to the lines that began with Rhett.

"Rhett visited us just a week after you left for Atlanta and he stayed for just a half hour. I remember our last conversation about Rhett, Scarlett and I wish to tell you that he didn't at all seem bitter or withdrawn. He was actually quite cordial. I was the one who asked him about you (Just to see what he would say) and he replied that you had right now settled at your newly constructed Peach tree house and were visiting Tara from time to time. (You see, Scarlett, he doesn't know that you were in Charleston). I told him. I told him I met you just a week ago and I never expected to meet him in tow. Strangely, instead of looking surprised, he looked very interested. He laughed off his lapse in knowing his wife's whereabouts and inquired at length to what made you come to Charleston. I naturally told him the good you were doing - helping faithful house servants find new places of employment and he seemed.. well, his face was rather blank. But I suppose he must be happy. It _is_ a very good thing you were doing,my dear. He left very quickly. I asked after him and he said he might visit Atlanta soon and left, I must say, rather abruptly. Now what I think about this whole-"

Scarlett's mind veered off at this for she hardly cared what her Aunt Pauline thought. The main thing was Rhett had asked after her and he had seemed interested to know what she was doing. A small flicker of hope lighted in Scarlett's chest. And for the first time in months, she smiled and rather laughed in relief. She knew her joy would be short lived for there were still many miles to go but she was feeling so relieved. Her eyes closed and a single tear ran down her cheek.

Just then the doorbell rang and one of the servants went to answer it. Presently, there was a soft knock of Scarlett's own door. "Mr. Wilkes is waiting at the parlor."

Scarlett wiped away the tear hastily and looked up in surprise. "Mr. Wilkes?" She thought for a moment and then nodded, "Bring the tea into the parlor. And bring some sandwiches too. Tell Mr. Wilkes I'll come down terrectly-"

* * *

Scarlett's spirits lifted considerably as she walked down the stairs to receive Ashley Wilkes. She dressed demurely but she could not resist applying rouge to her cheeks. With even a glimmering chance that Rhett might come back to her, her self-confidence rose with every step. She looked almost in good humor as she entered the parlor room.

"Ashley! What a lovely surprise!"

"Scarlett, you look as lovely as ever." replied Ashley as he warmly touched her hand and settled down into the comfortable sofa. His eyes were twinkling at her. "Well, Scarlett, what's all this I hear about you trekking everywhere across the South and finding jobs for our former slaves-"

Scarlett opened her mouth in surprise and Ashley's laughed. "Why Ashley, how ever did you know-"

"Well, the town's agog with this latest news about you. So before your Aunt Pitty any other busybody had a chance to rattle you with questions, I thought I would be the first to congratulate you. Truly Scarlett, I feel happy for you- We've been hearing very good stories-"

"Who has been telling them?" asked Scarlett, surprised and a little alarmed.

"I first heard it from Aunt Pitty. She says she heard from someone in Charleston-"

"Oh!" Scarlett realized Aunt Pauline had tattled to Pitty and she knew that was enough to get the whole town talking. "Aunt Pitty is the most awful tattle tale!"

Ashley smiled again and munched into his sandwich.

"But it is very sweet of you to come here to wish me, Ashley. Tell me, how is Beau and how is India?"

"India has returned to Macon and she is quite happy there. Beau is doing well too. He and Wade seem to be getting along really well-"

"And how are you doing, Ashley?"

Ashley smiled his gentle smile. "I am the same as always, Scarlett. You know me. I don't have the spirit or the zeal to cross miles doing noble deeds like you-"

Scarlett blushed this time. "Oh Ashley, you make it sound so romantic and ...and .. like something out of a novel. But it's not. It's actually rather tiring work-"

"But you enjoy it. Scarlett, it's your energy and your vivaciousness that I will admire the most- I know I can never be like you-"

"Do you want to be like me, Ashley?" asked Scarlett, sipping her tea and looking calm and happy.

"Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think we all would like to be somebody else for a change-"

"Ashley, I don't even do the things that I do for the nobility of it or the goodness of it. I help house servants find places because it needs some creative persuasion. And of course there is a lot of joy in helping others. I have only recently stumbled on this kind of happiness. Ashley, why don't you reach out too. Why don't you teach people or ..or.. give important talks or something.. you've been all over Europe and you read so many books-"

Ashley began to smile.

"Ashley, I do mean what I am saying. I am saying this because you know I care about you. I promised Melanie I would always take care of you"

"What a sweet thing to say." said Ashley quietly. He sighed. "Oh Scarlett, if only you could understand- When I was raised in Twelve Oaks, my early years there weren't filled with so much drama or excitement. Our family were uniformly quiet and unvarying. As a boy, I was very quiet and in the shadows. You couldn't really notice me in a small crowd. I never spoke much and I never did much. But I observed. I observed a great deal. We were never chastised too much and we were never rewarded too much either. Our world was books and we lived in our libraries. Do you understand, Scarlett? Each day was as unvarying as the next and when you live in this unvarying world from the moment you were an infant until the day you turn a man, you realize that there is nothing good in reaching out-"

"Ashley-" Scarlett looked stunned as she heard Ashley speaking so plainly for the first time. Or was she really hearing him right for the first time? She felt confused and could not tell.

"It is true, Scarlett. Maybe to you, the world is full of excitement and possibilities. But to meet that world, you have enthusiasm, the sense of adventure and wonder- you have these things that propel you to venture out. You work hard and you want to work even harder to meet goals you have set against time and have these seeds planted in you- seeds which haven't been rooted out-"

"Are you saying that you might have once been like me?"

"Perhaps- I don't know, Scarlett- We are all born the same way, aren't we? But whatever spirit I had was met by a blandness.. What would have happened if you ,as a little girl, came home in a tattered dress and up to your knees in mud?"

"Pa would have spanked me or Mammy would have bugged out her eyes and stuck out her lips and marched me straight to the bath to get scrubbed and then I would never hear the end of it till the next afternoon-"

"Aaah, but at Twelve Oaks, Father would only nod to the servant to help me get washed and dressed and that would be all. There would not be very many cheers or frowns, do you understand? So, nothing really matters very much- My childhood was an dull blandness which I have come to love- Twelve Oaks with it's slow charm and unvarying days-"

"Oh Ashley... Ashley, why are you telling me all this?" Scarlett's joy vanished at once. "Oh, you must be depressed. You must be missing Melanie dreadfully-"

"I do." Ashley reached for his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. "She was a dream. I kept calling Twelve Oaks - kept portraying it as a glamorous place.. a safe place and the quiet life I led there- And she helped me uphold that dream. In that, she was a lovely dream. "

Scarlett understood exactly what Ashley was only now. His realities were limited because they were limited long ago by his family. Marrying within cousins, reading and only visiting art museums and things.. Ashley was robbed of his right to have positive experiences with the outer world, to use his creative ideas, to be enthusiastic and productive with some outside venture. He could not even comprehend the value of these things-

"Ashley for what it is worth, I saw you so differently. Perhaps your life was different but mine- I looked upon Twelve Oaks house as if she were a white lady with her regal stone columns, like something out of Greece. The very columns spoke of predictability and stability- qualities I searched for all my life. And you were never dull to me Ashley. I thought you were well learned and you always were very good at sifting books and making sense of literary things. I know I am not very good at explaining but-"

"Scarlett, how kind of you to say these things."

"But I mean them, Ashley. Every word. I have great respect for all the Wilkeses. I have always admired Twelve Oaks and I especially loved and respected Mr. Wilkes. I believe I should like to know the history of the Wilkes's family-"

Ashley looked very pleased at this. "Someday I'll let you accompany me to Twelve Oaks grounds, Scarlett. The place is lost now but I do go there once in a while to remember the old days. I stand among the ruins and think of how life was back in those days. If you want to know the history, I would be interested to tell you-"

Scarlett smiled and she wondered how she ever thought she could infuse enthusiasm and a zest for life in a person as bland and stagnant as Ashley. And as she stared at Ashley, she thought how similar his eyes looked to her own Mother's eyes.

"How is Rhett?"

This question snapped Scarlett back to reality. "Rhett is all right. He will be returning from his trip soon-" replied Scarlett, hiding the real state of her marital relationship from Ashley. Then eager to clear Rhett's name, Scarlett ventured, "I am quite glad that you got rid of convict labor, Ashley. I..I mean, if you didn't really want to work convicts-"

"See, even you think it is right-"

"Actually Ashley, working convicts was my idea. I know I hinted at it being Rhett's idea before but it was my idea. We all needed the money so badly-"

"Scarlett, after all... what is money but-"

"Ashley, money is very important. I have always looked on it with keeness. When I was just a little girl, I used to know just how much Pa lost by gambling. I knew who he lent money to, how much things cost and how money can be put to productive use-"

"Scarlett-"

"I think being a resourceful person is good and Rhett liked that too. We both were the same in that respect."

Ashley let out a laugh. "Oh, let's not talk of that!" When he saw that Scarlett was serious, he stopped laughing and looked at her intently. Seeing that she was still serious, he finally realized that she was speaking in earnest. And the realization bought understanding into his face in the form of a frown. But just as the frown formed, a well-trained mask appeared once again.

"Do think of it,Ashley... money can be spent in so many exciting ways.. as creatively and productively as possible. I know I haven't exactly done wonders with it but Rhett always challenged me by saying what I could do with his money and we had a sortof-"

Scarlett stopped for Ashley was nodding vaguely and rising out of his seat. "I must be off" he said, pleasantly. "I'll remember to call you the next time I visit Twelve Oaks. And I am once again very happy for you, Scarlett-"

Scarlett stood up and saw Ashley off at the porch. As she saw him leave, she finally understood what her own Pa had said so long ago. Their minds were too different. Money and all its possibilities did not exist for Ashley just as hens laying eggs did not exist for her own Mother. They were similar and their realities were limited in similar ways too. And they both could not-

Scarlett stopped here and walked back into her house.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

For the next few days, Scarlett's mind worked in a frenzy. She had to make a strong impression and she didn't have much time. She wanted to show that she too could live unselfishly. Now that she realized Rhett was soon coming to Atlanta, she remembered several of his stinging words. This one especially stood out:

"...when you are forty-five, perhaps you will know what I'm talking about and then perhaps you, too, will be tired of imitation gentry and shoddy manners and cheap emotions. But I doubt it. I think you'll always be more attracted by glister than by gold"

Whenever Scarlett remembered these particular lines, she balled her hands into tight fists in anger and an odd feeling of being provoked and rising to the challenged burned in her. "If Rhett thinks I am going to wait till I am forty-five to try and get him back, he's mistaken!" she said grimly and triumphantly. "Forty-five indeed!"

She stamped her foot in anger as she set to work. "Why must she wait till she was an old woman to get sense?! Why, she was Scarlett O' Hara! She was always the one who was blessed with an extra dose of sense in her family, wasn't she? Now that she knew she loved Rhett, she was no longer afraid! And she had learnt so much in these past few months. No doubt, she could be unselfish and kind if she tried. But she would take one step ahead. She would be noble and illustrious. She would become the best she could possibly be- completely competent in everything and Rhett would have no choice but to love her and come back to her."

She planned a grand campaign, almost one as grand as her barbeque party. She first bought a fine chaise and four and four strong horses. She chose the best driver who could drive that chaise across the county. Next, she wrote several letters and by the time the week was out, a line of former house servants lined at her door for jobs. Scarlett grinned in delight.

Next, she bought herself fine clothes. They were sturdy, hardy clothes made for travel.

Soon, she rode cross country, a little wild and reckless in her journeys. She placed people in good jobs wherever she found the opportunity and when she found none, she created them. She went to every dreary social outing, seeking people out, enjoying her new found fame. She read their feelings and used them to her advantage. They were all inclined to think that she was making amends for her past sins. She encouraged them in this. Let the old cats think that if they liked. Meanwhile, she utilized their feelings to the best of her abilities. She inquired after possible contacts, their family details, their earnings and ability to afford servants. She maintained a diary and listed her appointments and details of various families. And she maintained another, rather private diary. Wherever she went, she liked to keep a small clipping of what she thought of the landscape. Somehow land attracted her. She was constantly amazed by vast stretches of land the roads that wound through them. She seemed to have a natural talent to navigate and understand the potential of different types of land. She wrote these diaries as she travelled. She couldn't bear sitting still and making notes. Her writing was erratic from the jolt of the carriage but she didn't mind. She was finally on the move and she was happy.

Soon she began to make quite a name for herself. Not only could she easily convince people but she found she could also suggest jobs depending on the land available to the family. Thus, she found jobs even for entire black families.

Now all that remained was to ensnare Rhett!


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

Several weeks later, there came the news that Rhett Butler was in town. He had just alighted from his train at the Atlanta station and hailed a passing coach when Rene Picard waved to him from one of the wrought iron benches. Beside Rene sat Maybelle Merriweather with her little boy and they too had arrived just then and were waiting for Grandpa to bring the coach. They spoke for a while and then Rhett left. By the afternoon, the whole town knew that Rhett Butler had not gone to his house at Peachtree street but was pointedly staying at the National Hotel.

* * *

When the news finally reached Scarlett's ears, she at first felt a surge of anger. She had worked very hard to cultivate her friends and she had won most of them over except for the old matrons of Atlanta. Now by staying at the National Hotel, Scarlett felt Rhett was going out of his way to show everyone that all was not right in his family. "How tongues must wag at this!" thought Scarlett, in helpless fury. **"Why can't he just come here?! It isn't as if I am going to pounce on him and eat him or something! Why does he behave as if I would hurt him?! He is the one hurting me!"**

But Scarlett found she could carrying on with her work despite Rhett's shenanigans. She lifted her chin and dressed in the same hardy travel clothes and made her trips, hoping against hope that Rhett would still be in Atlanta when she came back and would come to their house. She hoped and hoped and there was nothing else she could do.

* * *

The days passed and almost every week she heard news of Rhett but he never once stepped into the house and she never saw him at the local bazaars or balls. She began to grow in despair. "If it had been any other woman she would have handled things differently" thought Scarlett to herself bitterly. Her hand gripped the glass of brandy unsteadily as she swung down its contents.

Then finally, something of an opportunity showed itself the following week. Pork had gone to the town to call the farrier to tend to her horses when he had come rushing back in an hour's time.

"Miss Scarlett.. Miss Scarlett.." he called with utmost urgency outside her door.

"What is it, Pork?" asked Scarlett, stepping into the hallway.

"Excuse me, Miss Scarlett, I don't mean to be forward but it's about Mist. Rhett-"

"What about him?" she asked sharply.

Pork licked his dried up lips and said with wide eyes, "When I went down into the main street, I saw some Yankees standing outside the saloon with guns in their hands and they were all yelling and hollerin.. and I got closer and I saw Mist. Rhett at the front of the crowd. There had been a brawl-"

"Is he hurt?!" asked Scarlett, anxiously.

"No Maam" replied Pork. "But he's drunk himself silly"

"What?!"

"Yes Maam.. Mist. Rhett's drunk as when he used to drink when Miss. Bonnie.. bless her little soul.. was passed away.. And he is just propped up there on one of the chairs and I think thre might have been a shoot out-"

"Oh no!" cried Scarlett, leaping to her feet and snatching up her cloak as she ran outside to the coach. "I must go there before its too late!"

"Miss. Scarlett, the Yankees took away Mist. Rhett's gun. But if he keeps protesting like he is now, he might end up in-"

"Pork, you come with me.. only you can handle Rhett- **Come with me**!"

* * *

Scarlett's mind worked fast. She was taking a risk. A huge calculated risk. Her plan was to get to the saloon, wade through the crowd, brush away the Yankees and bring Rhett home. She knew by doing this, everyone would openly know that's she cared about Rhett and with the backing of the crowd's sympathy and favour on her side, Rhett wouldn't have the gall to refuse her flag of truce.

She was taking a risk. And it was backed up by sound logic. She would win. She felt sure of it.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

Scarlett felt the sun on her shoulders as she was handed out of the carriage by Pork. The crowd around the saloon was immense and people were looking out of their houses and standing atop carriage blocks, straining to hear the words being fired at the front of the throng. Upon Scarlett's prompt, Pork made his way through the crowd and when some Yankee soldiers stopped him, he began to speak in reply. As he waved his hands and explained, the captain of the guard took a long look at Scarlett standing near her carriage, her fingers twisting her handkerchief and peering anxiously forward and he nodded for Pork to take Rhett.

"Take him elsewhere. If he stays here, I'm sure one of those drunken varmints will stick a bullet in him!" bellowed the guard. Pork rushed forward and pulled up Rhett by the right arm. Scarlett took a few steps forward when Dr. Meade who had been standing at the far end, called out to her to stay near the carriage. The guards arrested a few other drunks and were dragging them along. The crowds parted for Pork and suddenly Rhett's eyes fell on Scarlett.

Suddenly Rhett began to laugh. He held on to Pork and laughed hard. He was completely and disgustingly drunk. Scarlett blushed furiously from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. She blushed hard because instantly she realized Rhett was one step ahead of her as always. He knew at once that she had thought herself the "angel of mercy" when she came here and he laughed at her for her attempts to outwit him and to drive him into a corner. And finally she blushed because everyone was watching and Rhett was making a fool out of himself.

Yet, Scarlett could not step back in the carriage. She could not drive away. Pork's eyes pleaded with her to control her temper as he struggled with Rhett's weight. They did their best to hurry him into the coach but Rhett decided he would give a speech.

He pushed past Pork and threw up his hands in drunken comical effort. He seemed to address everyone as he slowly , drunkenly drawled,"

 _"Now that I have no shame, I will proclaim it._

 _Given the chance, I will go where the people are,_

 _Tell everybody; if you shut me here, I will move the very woods and rocks to pity."_

Rhett turned and took a long look of contempt and malicious humour at Scarlett. She shuffled in fear and horror and wished the ground would open up and swallow her. Anything to get away from the crowd.

 _"The air of Heaven will hear, and any god, If there is any god in Heaven, will hear me."_

The captain of the guard laid a firm hand on Rhett's shoulder but he flung it away. "Of course, I haven't married Procne but Philomela. But her treatment has been the same. I thought I cut out her tongue but here she is."

Rhett triumphantly and staggeringly stomped over to Scarlett and dragged her out to the crowd by the arm. "This is my wife, gentlemen and she has come to rescue me from you all- Such a caring, loving wife. She took a huge risk for me and even if she doesn't win my heart, she will win all of yours. For no one but a lady would come after her husband to such a place as this with such an unselfish attitude of humility, love and mercy-" Rhett nodded at everyone and laughed openly at Scarlett. His eyes devilishly mocked the tears in her eyes. Then drawing his voice to a loud whisper he said, "The only problem, my dear is the gods took pity and turned us all into birds- You don't want to be a bird, do you?"

"Pork, get him inside the carriage!" cried Scarlett, her hands trembling and her knees shaking and turning to jelly. The sun was too hot and she was sweating unnaturally. "I'll follow later- Take him... take him to the house-"

The carriage door was shut and it began to move. Scarlett swayed for a moment on her feet and then she found herself falling slowly to the ground.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

When Scarlett awoke from her dizzy spell, she found herself propped up on pillows in the tiny parlour room of the Meades. Her bonnet was lying on the table beside her and the doctor was patting her hand and rubbing it vigorously. Mrs. Meade stood nearby with a worried yet stiff look on her face. She was obviously displeased to have Scarlett in her house but she was acting under the doctor's orders. "Drink this, Scarlett- It will make you feel better-" she said, with distant politeness. The maid set a glass of lemon water beside Scarlett on the table.

"It's all right" said Scarlett, wearily. As she stood up, her head seemed to grow heavy as recent memories rushed forward like waves in a stormy sea. Unsteadily she sat down again and raised her hand to her head.

"If you are thinking of going back to your house, I suggest you stay here for the day. You aren't well, Scarlett. That was quite a fall you took and you are in a lot of stress. And if you are worried about Rhett, Pork is there with him, isn't he? He will help him come back to his senses!"

The doctor harrumphed in importance and then eyed at Mrs. Meade to take over but the lady simply looked uneasy. She was unsure if Scarlett wanted any feminine comfort.

Scarlett sipped her lemon water slowly and silently. But as the seconds ticked on, she grew more and more angry until she burst out in fury. "There's no use covering the whole thing up. You all saw him, yelling and laughing and-"

Scarlett shivered in anger and disgust and a man who could so utterly and completely abandon her to public opinion. Rhett had never ever acted this way before. For the first time in her life the thought of divorce genuinely crossed her mind.

The doctor harrumphed again and left the room. Mrs. Meade sat down opposite to her on the sofa and replied quietly, "He was drunk,dear. And anyway, I thought it was very brave - the way you came to meet Captain Butler. And very kind-"

Scarlett wiped away hot tears and set her glass down. She felt very very sorry for herself just then. "The way he went on about ...about some Pro.. someone.. I can't even remember the name- He's always like that. Rhett's impossible. He's always quoting something or the other and making me look foolish. The way he talks - in riddles and ideas. **It makes me so mad!**!"

Mrs. Meade smiled lightly. "When Dr. Meade gets into his medical terms, I too give up and simply leave the room. I can never make much sense of those things- Men are like that , Scarlett. And Rhett Butler has always cut a contrary figure. You must give him some time-"

"He never talks to me like one human to another- always like a perverse devil!"

"Scarlett!" cried Mrs. Meade, shocked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. But I feel so angry just now-" The anger burned away and now Scarlett felt frightened and ashamed. Were there many people laughing at her for being made a laughing stock by her own husband? But she was more ashamed that Rhett had seen through her actual motives and had ridiculed her to the core of her being. And below these feelings, she suddenly realized that Rhett had played by her own tricks and had won and it had stirred only angst and pain in her heart. This final thought caused her to be pensive for a moment.

"Perhaps I've been wrong. I've always been trying to outwit Rhett. Perhaps instead of that, I should just stand my ground and make him come down to me-" said Scarlett, amazed by the thought taking shape in her head.

She looked at Mrs. Meade and she looked back, both of them grasping at the daunting task of bringing Rhett Butler to their understanding.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

The next morning, Scarlett was having her breakfast alone upstairs when Rhett stood by the doorway. She looked at him, too angry to speak. Rhett hesitated and then walked inside. He began to assume his usual sardonic manner. "I suppose I put on quite a show yesterday afternoon in front of that saloon, Scarlett. I think I remember you were there and I took advantage of the situation. "

Scarlett set down her spoon and waited. Words of insult and emotion trembled on her lips but she kept silent.

"Anyway, I already asked you to get a divorce or a separation. I am not good for you, my pet. In fact, I will be a thorn in your side if you continue to humor me. And by way of apology, I'm sure the people of Atlanta will not know the particular Greek story I was referring to. So, don't worry, I haven't insulted you too badly at all!"

Rhett looked easy and hearty as he said the words. Scarlett remained cold and silent and after one long look, he left.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Rhett was gone yet again but this time Scarlett did not care where he went or if he would return. She was much too busy licking her own wounds. She now realized Rhett not only did not like her but would also take steps to crush her if he possibly could. She could not fathom why because she could not understand any present threat she posed on him. He was much richer than she and he had the backing of his family. His mother was his pillar of moral support and his sister seemed to be kind and thoughtful as well. Rhett was much more learned and physically stronger than she. In a way, there was no reason why he should hate her so or fear her. She detected this feeling when she had reached the house. She sensed he was afraid of her but she could not fathom why.

But she realized with severity that she could no longer lay her weary troubles on his shoulders. She would have to bear it alone and at this she wept in a mix of anger and grief. She had been counting on Rhett's strength and yet he seemed to be more afraid than she. And yet she could not dismiss Rhett out of her mind as well. Somewhere deep inside her head, she understood that Rhett had only manipulated in the same way she herself had done... perhaps as a last gap effort to keep her at bay and although it had failed miserably, she realized the heart behind it. And she could not dismiss it. She seemed to love him for his cunningness and devilry. And when she realized this, she felt appalled and vaguely amused at her own fancies.

* * *

She was to make a trip to Marietta that day and as she locked up the house and gave orders to her servants, she heard the knocker on the door and saw the entire Merriweather family waiting outside. Scarlett looked surprised and uneasy as she welcomed them into the sitting room. Gradnpa Merriweather and Rene Picard immediately began to talk of the house being extremely useful for organizing Brooks's campaign against Baxter and after a few sentences from Scarlett, they seemed satisfied to have completed their social duties and decided to visit her stables to look at her horses. Scarlett at once sent Pork with them and returned to the ladies inside.

Mrs. Merriweather had sat erectly and impatiently still Grandpa Merriweather left. She now took the attention of the room.

"Scarlett, I must say I am happy that you finally decided to pursue your husband and curtail his unthinking ways. Is Captain Butler still here?"

"No." replied Scarlett, flatly. "He left this morning."

"Yes. Well-" said Mrs. Merriweather, stoutly. "Give him time. He will come back and make amends."

Scarlett looked annoyed and bemused as to how to respond to the old lady's apparent imbecilic efforts to support her. Her mind shouted that she did not need such support and ordered her to feel ashamed and humiliated for entertaining these people at all. What she needed was to be alone and think.

But suddenly Maybelle, asking her son to go watch the birds through the windows, drew near her and tentatively slipped her arm around Scarlett's waist. There was a smile on her face and Scarlett was instantly reminded of Melanie at the Atlanta Bazaar when they had stood at their booth together. She had wished to scratch Melanie's eyes out then and the feeling returned once again. Maybelle had Rene's support and they loved each other. She had come here to show off her own happy family and look down on her from her lofty state. But the smile on Maybelle's lips was genuine. Scarlett could not deny that. There was sympathy and kindness in both, the coy manners of Maybelle and the hardy countenance of Mrs. Merriweather.

Suddenly and unwillingly, Scarlett's eyes brimmed with tears and she stood up abruptly. "I'll be back. I need a minute alone-"

* * *

She went into her study and clutched at her desk and bowed her head. The tears stayed at her eyes. They would not fall down. She looked up and she saw Ellen's face and slender form. Somewhere inside her, she heard a cry for love. Her mother had loved her but not in the way she wanted to be loved. Ellen was from the wealthy Robillard family and she had married a.. what was that word Rhett had used.. a peasant..? A peasant Irishman. And Scarlett herself was very much like Gerald rather than Ellen herself.

And Ellen ignored the Irishness in Gerald just as she ignored the hard facts of life on a Georgian plantation. And when Ellen said she loved Scarlett, was there truth in that love? Why should Ellen love Scarlett when she did not understand her or appreciate her down-to-earth shrewd thinking or spontaneity or even quick thinking and competitiveness? It did not make sense and it had to make sense! Love had to make sense! And half the time, she was fooling her Mother. And so, Scarlett never felt loved.

On that point, she bid a final goodbye to her Mother's heart and spirit. And as she said goodbye, she felt grief and yet light-heartedness at letting go of something that was never meant to be hers.

Then she straightened up and looked beyond the doorway. Right now, sharing her troubles to her friends made sense and their comfort to her made sense too. And she needed that comfort. And for the first time in her life, she decided to take it.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

Exactly a week later, Scarlett met Rhett once again. She was at a store with Maybelle, choosing fabrics when she saw Rhett standing across the road with a cigar in his hand. When he caught her eye, he strolled down the street and after nodding to Maybelle, he took Scarlett by her arm and drew her a few paces away.

"Shall we call truce for just a few moments, Scarlett?" he began, in an off-handed way. "I know what you've been up to these past few months and in a way I am happy for you too. But there is one thing I warned you about before. That hall you've rented out to hold political meetings. Perhaps you still think its a smart move but I know better. I've been to Arkansas just days back and I know that something terrible is going to happen. The good Mr. Brooks is about to bring the militia into his schemes and it may not end well for many of the supporters. In fact, his party is divided enough already and I think its going to spell trouble. So, close down that hall and don't allow them to hold anymore meetings there. Otherwise they'll see that the house gets burned down to the ground-"

Scarlett listened to all this, quietly and when he paused, she looked at him and replied,

"Rhett, I know you mean well and you know all a lot about politics but..." she paused and then continued, "I simply cannot understand what you are saying. All I know is that many Southern gentleman like talking about Mr. Brooks and by renting my hall, I have won their respect and approval. Now you want me to close down the hallway..stop the meetings. Why? There isn't a riot in the street just now. I don't see people bringing guns into the house. I don't even hear yelling and arguing. So, I don't understand. If you've been to Arkansas, then you would have more to your knowledge than me. But as for me, I simply cannot decide from what you've just told me. I cannot decide from your clever ideas and a prediction of the future. You can call me ignorant and muddle-headed if you like or an opportunist or..or.. what's the word.. something about acquisition.. I don't remember-"

Rhett looked as if he had been struck. He drew back and for a moment Scarlett thought she saw his fingers tremble. When he looked at her again, his face was blank. He spoke quietly now,

"So, you won't close down your hall?"

Scarlett breathed steadily as she gazed at him. "No."

"Because you don't have enough news of what is happening around you?"

Scarlett avoided his eyes now but still replied "No."

Rhett smoked his cigar and tapped away the ashes. "I see." he said quietly, a strange frightening smile on his lips. His gaze penetrated her to her soul and she hated herself just then. But something was driving her to speak the truth. Something from within was telling her to speak of how unjustly Rhett had treated her all those years they had known each other. She had to be fair to herself.

"When I ride cross country, I meet all kids of people, Rhett and I can persuade them to accept what I give them only by words. And my words need to be in a language that my clients can understand- about the present moment.. this day.. not occurrences in the past or predictions in the future.. but here and now. I..I cannot expect others to know as well as I.."

Scarlett struggled to explain as she saw Rhett withdrawing further and further in the conversation. "People do not think the same way at all. I cannot simply talk from feeling- "

The smile on Rhett's lips suddenly vanished. He drew back his breath sharply at this and after tilting his hat to cover his face, he jammed his hands into his pockets and abruptly walked away.

Scarlett stared after him, her heart twisting in pain because for the first time, she had been completely frank with him and he responded by looking small and ashamed.

"I've lost him" cried Scarlett, in despair. "He came back to see me and help me but I've hurt his pride. I've lost him. He'll never come back to me again!"


	49. Chapter 49

As much as Scarlett was determined not to close down her hall to political meetings, not one day passed when she would not hear of some news or other pertaining to the Brooks-Baxter war which was growing a hotter and hotter topic of debate amongst the Atlanta circles. People were divided over their opinions on big words such as disenfranchisement and the consequences of citizenship for black people. Soon these words became catch phrases that began to dominate conversations in every house party and bazaar. But Scarlett, by great effort, remained deaf and dumb to these curious excitements not because she wasn't interested but because she was still waiting for Rhett to reveal in some way that he cared about her safety.

In a way, she saw that he was still curious about her. She realized it must be because she herself was evolving. The Scarlett O Hara who stood at the top of the stairs just now, wearing travel clothes and preparing to mount her carriage and meet people was not the headstrong, stubborn Scarlett of long ago. She had changed once again. But she did not understand how or why. All she knew was Rhett had never expected to see her change and it puzzled him. It puzzled him enough to force him to come to Atlanta. The younger Scarlett would have been delighted to see Rhett helplessly hooked to herself whether in infatuation or love. But she could not think so vainly now. Instead, she wished she could talk to him as before. She remembered how many delightful conversations they had had and she missed those days. She wanted to talk to him, to embrace him, to feel his lips upon hers. But as quickly as these dreams came to the fore, she dismissed them. There was no use getting dreamy-eyed over a man who had treated her so badly just days ago. No, she couldn't depend on Rhett. It would be like ramming against a brick wall. Unwillingly she diverted her affection to her children, family and friends.

* * *

But as the weeks rolled into a whole month, Scarlett began to lose hope. Had she been wrong to tell the truth? To burst Rhett's pride?

She remembered his words of long ago " _Sometimes I think you carry your truth-telling too far, my pet. Don't you think, even if it was a lie, that it would be appropriate to say "I love you Rhett" even if you didn't mean it?"_

A fat envelope arrived by mail. It was addressed to her in Rhett's handwriting and preparing her mind for the possibility of receiving divorce papers, she cut open the seal and saw rectangular pieces of paper spill out on her desk. She picked up one article and saw it was a newspaper clipping. It was a speech made by Mr. Brooks in late 1873. Rhett had circled a few lines in red and then followed another news clipping and a small excerpt which he had written by hand. These were clipped together in a small bunch. Similar bunches lay scattered on her desk. Scarlett skimmed through all of them and heaved a sigh of relief.

Once her initial fears were dissipated, she read clipping after clipping and with some wonder, she realized Rhett was actually explaining what was happening in the political front of the failed Reconstruction of the Confederate States. When Gerald spoke of politics, he always cited events and people in broad terms and Scarlett had always dismissed her father's emotional ravings as childish and boring. But here Rhett picked out selective statements of speech in political meetings and certain particular actions that followed those speeches and he emphasised and underscored only those statements in a sort of summary that lead up to a very thorough, very logical understanding of what could actually be accomplished in the present political atmosphere. There was no room for sentiments or dreams or inspirational words. While Scarlett could not become interested in Gerald's outbursts which were more dramatic and wishful by nature, Rhett's lines of logic were much more mathematical and rational in nature. By reading Rhett's short, exact excerpts, Scarlett began to understand the importance of voting rights for Southerners and the interesting implications in granting citizenship for the blacks. Rhett pursued the point from different perspectives. He brought up arguments from the commercial angle, the moral implications, the rational outcomes.. even some very creative thinking. He did not leave a stone unturned.

Till then, Scarlet had always assumed that Rhett "got his information from somewhere or from someone". She never realized that he himself listened keenly and worked out ideas in his mind. She never suspected he had a capacity to absorb ideas and concepts which were not easily understood by others. Now that she thought about it, she remembered how Rhett had stirred anger at the Wilkes's barbeque – the very first time she'd seen him and he had spoken of travelling to the Northern States and seeing the mills and factories and mines – She had always taken that at face value- Rhett had seen and he therefore knew several things. She was just now beginning to realize that if any other Southern gentleman had visited up North, he never would have thought of looking up those exact places. In fact, the sight of such places would have created unease in his pretty ideas of States Rights and the Glorious Cause. But Rhett had done those things- he dived right into unpleasantness ...into uneasiness because that was reality-

"He is as practical as me...but he's brilliant whereas I can never even begin to understand as much as him!" thought Scarlett in wonder, her eyes running hungrily over the facts and logical fallacies and postulations so vividly highlighted and underlined for her ease of understanding. She had been good with mathematics during her early years at Fayetteville and then when she came home, that part of her – the intelligent school girl was never given much role or responsibility. Instead, her mother wanted her to learn to dance and make polite conversation to her beaus. Mathematics and logical thinking were attributed as purely masculine qualities. But now, after so many years, someone was taking the trouble of explaining things to her-

When she finished she felt the hairs on her skin stand up from excitement and wonder. She was aghast at how she had underestimated Rhett's intelligence. What a fool she was! Why, he was working on his ideas..He was as clever as...as..

She couldn't think of any great people but she was sure Ashley would know. Ashley would know those things. But how very kind of Rhett to take the trouble to explain to her. How very, very kind.

But Rhett was not a kind man.

"He must still love me or want something from me" thought Scarlett, clutching the envelope to her chest. She felt warm and happy. The letter in her hand wasn't romantic at all but she felt herself going silly over it. She felt like Melanie relishing Ashley's words during the war. There had never been anything romantic in those letters either.

She read all the clippings and Rhett's excerpts once again. To think, Rhett had taken her admonishments seriously and come down to her level. How very, very kind! How very, very thoughtful! He was a gentleman! And a genius... Scarlett immediately felt protective of him. She wanted to protect him all of a sudden – to put an iron case around him if she must and protect him from getting hurt from others. Then she laughed and blushed at her own ideas.

* * *

That evening, she spoke to Dr. Meade and Hugh Elsing and she locked up her hall from any more political meetings. Then purely out of interest she joined the circle of ladies who spoke about the suffragette and began to form her own opinions and views of the governance of the Southern States. But it was really that night when she read those letters again in the quiet of her own room that something new began to happen. Usually she would have been satisfied as to how events turned out and would have folded up the letter and put it in her desk. But something had changed. She wanted to read everything again, this time carefully considering what she could do with the information before her. A feeling of uneasiness nagged the back of her mind when she realized she was stepping out stronger because of Rhett's intellectual aid. She felt afraid and instantly wondered if she should be thinking in the solitude of her room at all. Then she gathered strength from her lessons learnt during these harsh months of separation from Rhett and decided to evaluate her own possibilities.

She put aside the whole Brooks-Baxter war because she felt she could do nothing about that except perhaps air her opinions in her own sewing circle. But in one of those excerpts there was a General mentioned - P.G.T Beauregard. Hadn't Melanie named her boy after that General? Rhett had referred to him in his writings and Scarlett was struck by that name. Wasn't that man pioneering a cable car company? Scarlett had never travelled by a cable car before and it sounded exciting. She rummaged through some newspapers and found a date mentioned when the General would be holding another public rally. It was in two days time. Scarlett was determined to be there. Rhett had said that the General's efforts for unification of white and black people would be a failure but Scarlett decided she wanted to hear the General's speech for herself. She wanted to hear the issues and she was sure she could work them into her activities. It might make her more competent and might open up several new avenues for her to learn new skills and solve new problems.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

Scarlett was at the rally. Wade and Ella sat beside her wearing their best clothes. Scarlett herself was dressed in her best and most fashionable gown complete with embellishments of ruffles, bows and bustling. She looked at the small paper in her hands and tried to make out the names of various speakers. She looked up and studied the large stage once again. It was wildly festooned with ribbons and flowers with an orchestra on one side tuning their instruments and a large group of ladies evidently helping General Beauregard to organize his rally. As Scarlett waited impatiently to catch sight of the General himself, her eyes fell on the tall gentleman quietly and lightly wading through the shifting crowds. For a moment Scarlett started with shock and a kind of unpleasant fear as her eyes fell on Rhett.

Scarlett didn't why she should feel a wave of apprehension as she saw Rhett. After all, she had sent that urgent telegram commending Rhett for sending his notes to her and slyly hinting that she meant to be in General Beauregard's rally in two days time. When she had sent that telegram, she meant to give the information as a kind of boast that she would use his notes to do something practical in her life. She never meant for him to trace her here! But a part of her liked the idea of Rhett seeing her like this. Why not? What had she to be ashamed of? She was looking lovelier than she had ever looked and both the children were with her and Wade looked so handsome and smart nowadays. What had she to be afraid of?

But the feeling of apprehension remained. When Rhett waved to Wade and Ella and finally arrived at her row of chairs in the assembly, Scarlett supressed a huge surge of anger and returned a distracted smile. As soon as she saw him, she knew that even if he spoke decently to her, as one human being to another, she would never truly feel completely happy or content. Not unless they could reach the camaraderie of old. If only she could live those times again. If only she were a young girl of seventeen and Rhett was courting her, she would be so charming and kind to him - she would have never let him go! But now even as she looked at him from time to time, a queer nervousness seemed to steal into her gaze. At the back of her mind, his hurting words, his callous behaviour, his deliberate sabotaging of their love seemed to poison her usual gaiety and dampen her spirits.

* * *

But Scarlett rallied herself when she saw the General mount the steps to the stage. Despite herself she felt a surge of thrill because she actually understood most of what the old gentleman was saying. She had always designated politics to the masculine gender and now she felt equal to them in this arena as well. And it was all thanks to Rhett. She looked at him from time to time, hoping fervently that the brightness of her gaze and the eager twitching of her hands will convey some expression of her ardent love to him. She felt intense and she hoped he would feel it too. But Rhett sat still with a stoic expression. Whenever Wade interrupted Rhett's reverie with a question, Rhett launched into a long conversation which always seemed to end with a joke that put them both in good spirits.

The General with his Creole appearance and charming manners spoke enthusiastically about unification and desegragation of schools and transport. There was an intelligent twinkle in his eyes that concealed a steely determination to bring people together to lay a solid foundation to the new industrial age of the South. When the General stepped down, somebody else began to elaborate on the General's achievements , namely cable cars that were being introduced in several parts of the Louisiana state. Several people spoke and then finally,.the General walked through the crowd on a line of carpet, bowing to the ladies and shaking the hands of gentleman as by. Scarlett, after looking pointedly at Rhett, quickly made her way through the crowds and bowed low to the General as he walked by. The General immediately stopped her hand in his, he began to speak. Scarlett, recognizign something of her own charm in the General's manners replied in the same tone,dropping huge compliments and uttering very pleasing remarks regarding the political rally.

"Why dont you join us in the cable car launch this evening, my dear?" asked the General, pleased by Scarlett to a good extent. "Wait with my little niece.. Rachel- there she is. She is your age and she will give you good company, unless you prefer riding with somebody else."

"Oh no!" cried Scarlett, quickly. "I would love to take a ride with your niece- it would be such a novel experience! " She shot a triumphant look at Rhett who was standing a few yards away.

* * *

"Oh, isn't it lovely of the dear General to treat me as his own family?!" she cried, her eyes shining at Wade and stealing a few glances in Rhett's direction too. "Now this is what comes of acquiring new ideas, Wade" she lectured, hoping listeming in too. "Its not enough just to know things, but to make the best of the present situation. Now, if i just stood quietly in a corner, the General would spoken to me. But I seized the opportunity and now we all can ride the new cable car! Think of what a will be. You can tell all your friends-"

Wade grinned at this and looked at Rhett. Rhett only gave a vacant, distracted smile.

Scarlett finally lost patience and when Wade walked a few paces forward, she went up to Rhett and began with a frown

"Why did you come here, Rhett?! And why do you stay so quiet? It isn't like you. It isnt as if i haven't . Ive put your knowledge use, havent I?! You ppreciate me! If I had even a tenth of your knowledge, Id put it to good use!"

"I didnt know riding in streetcars was equivalent to putting my ideas to good use" replied Rhett, cuttingly.

Scarlett looked dumbfounded and hurt. "I suppose you think it was an utter waste of time that you sent those notes to me!"

"Not entirely. You did shut down your hall to political meetings"

"You are a perverse wretch, Rhett Butler!" cried Scarlett, furiously. "What's the use of being so clever, if you cant put it to use. What is the use of thinking up great ideas if you cant bring people together! And here I was thinking.. Oh! Never mind what I was thinking! You think you are so clever and above everybody else..but I still stand by what I said before.. You've stayed up in your world too long that ite become unrelatable. Look at the General! He speaks of the industrial era of the Southern States and the unity between blacks and whites because black people care about the land just as much as their white masters. And he's found practical ways to put his ideas to work.. The schools and the transport.. That's a practical man for you! The kind of practicality I admire. We cannot all sit around and make connections like you!"

Somehow Scarlett's tone of voice grew louder and more intense. She was getting angry and she did not know why. She was feeling hostile too. Somehow every part of her seemed to dislike Rhett a great deal.

Rhett quietly took off his hatand after giving a small nod, he turned as if to leave her.

Scarlett called after him,her voice breaking "Rhett, I thought you would come with me. "

"I dont find cable cars as fascinating as you, my pet. Perhaps I shouldn't have come here. "

"Are you ashamed of me?!" asked sudden anger.

"Goodbye Scarlett" said Rhett, with grave finality. He turned and walked away into the excited throng.


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

The General Beauregard's cable car set off in its newly laid line in the midst of exuberant hoots and cheers. Scarlett gazed in wonder at the endlessly moving wire rope to which the different coaches latched on and moved quickly as if they were being pulled along by horses! As the cars pulled away, the young people in the sidelines, black and white, seemed to have a riot of a time as they whistled and turned cartwheels to show a rather exaggerated if not paradoxical support for the General's commercial endeavors. Scarlett found their laughter a little disconcerting. She felt they seemed to be mocking this occasion. She couldn't think why. Wasnt this a moment of great triumph for the South? Wasnt all this supposed to be unifying the people?!

As they hurried along the line, Scarlett tried to smile and be happy but then she remembered the shock of seeing Rhett walk away from her once again. The memory numbed her heart so much that she almost felt nothing. She wanted to be by herself. She wanted to cry but as much as her heart twisted in pain, the tears would not come. In truth, she was glad Rhett had left! Still her heart ached forlornly at why two people as like minded as herself and Rhett could not live together in peace.

She sat back in her seat and saw that Wade had moved to a nearby window seat and a young lady, as fashionably attired as herself was standing in the aisle with a good natured, rather brisk smile.

"Hello, I am Rachel Andrews-"

"Why yes!" cried Scarlett, her mood quickly changing to relief as the young lady sat down beside her with her feathery parasol on her knees.

"My Uncle reminded me to find you, Mrs. Butler and give you company throughout this joy ride. He has taken quite a liking to you!"

"Why, how very kind of the General!" cried Scarlett,blushing with pleasure. "I feel honored for being so singled out for such attention. This is a wonderful experience, isnt it?! From everything Ive heard today, the General is a war hero turned intellectual. He is so inspiring!"

"War hero he is!" replied Rachel with a smile. "But an intellectual, he is not! Im afraid my Uncle will be what he has always been..a charming ignoramous!"

Scarlett's eyebrows rushed together in a dark frown. It was queer how those words rang so similar to how Rhett referred to herself in the reconstruction days. "Why, after everything we heard today, surely there is a good future in uniting the South? Surely the General is right-"

Rachel sighed. "He's got a lucky hunch but its not enough to convince the people. Uncle changed a lot after the war. It must have been the stress. He's not good at this sort of thing."

"My goodness!" exclaimed Scarlett, visibly annoyed at Rachel's dismissal of her latest favorite. "You talk as if only certain people can speak about what is good for the South."

Rachel stared hard at Scarlett.

"When a person who has been sharp and shrewd all his life suddenly starts to think himself an intellectual and look for the hidden meaning in things, I can tell something is wrong. There are people who understand things in a deeper way. There are intellectuals who have insights. These people are well learned, they read books and share their ideas in a calm, elegant, simple way with a true passion to make others understand the sequence of their Uncle takes those insights and dresses them up as his own- Im afraid all this talk boils down to promotion of cable cars and supervision of lotteries!"

Scarlett flushed hard at this , hurriedly covering her mouth with her handkerchief. Something deep within her stirred in the most unpleasant way on hearing these words. In fact, the words seemed to be burning into her...right down to her soul.

"He wants everyone to get along, that much I am sure of!" concluded Rachel quietly. "The poor darling. Its all the stress. It really does a number on one's mind!"

Scarlett returned a vague smile and looked out the window. Outside people stood in clumps waving and cheering as the cable car moved by. The people inside waved back and chatted gaily with one another. Scarlett tried to supress her emotions but theybwere too strong for her. They tore through her body without pity and she quivered in distress. Suddenly she remembered several unpleasant things. She remembered how she had taken Rhett's own observations and used them to her advantage. She remembered passing them off as her own and denying to Rhett's own face that he played no part in her growing intelligence. Every complicated thought, every abstract idea...she borrowed those from Rhett and even Ashley. Suddenly she realized that while she liked to think of herself as someone mysterious and who liked to think of "higher things", she also treated those very things with contempt and tried to peddle off those insights as if she were peddaling lumber!

Now she remembered lying near Rhett and listening to his endless ideas and opinions and arguments and laughing at his thoughts and words by the light of the bedroom candle. She remembered wondering why Rhett should speak those things to her and now she understood once again that Rhett had loved her.

He had made love to her mind and she didnt even know it.

"Oh, the fool!" cried Scarlett, in fury. Tears kept running down her face and she wiped them as quickly as they came. "The fool! Did I ask for all this?! People don't go around loving one another from the start. He shouldn't have.. Not to me.. Not to me.. "

Mercifully the cable cars stopped near the station and people began to get down. Scarlett clutched her head that was throbbing badly and decided to go back home.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Scarlett sent Wade ahead with the bags and walked through the cedars to Tara. She felt sullen and tired. She wanted to lay her burdens on someone else's shoulders. But this time she knew she couldn't. She wondered at how elated she had been just a week ago. She was feeling adventurous and optimistic. Things were finally going her way when this happened. A dull pain weighed her heart. She stared at her home from afar.

How clever she had thought of herself when she conjured up the image of her own Mother as the Virgin Mary. She had imagined so many beautiful pictures in her head and childishly nurtured the notion that she was some delicate creature on the inside who could think beautiful things when all the time.. Suddenly Scarlett saw herself as a little girl with a muddied frock, cheeks red from running and a bleeding bruise on her knee and unable to attract her Mother's affection despite her charm and spontanity and feeling terribly anxious that she had such shameful feelings. The image shot up such strong emotion in her that she wept. How tenderly her own delusions had covered up the truth. But now, she could finally understand that it was a child's truth. So, the tears stopped quickly. Now as she stood looking at the newly planted cotton field, she saw herself in a similar position. She had exhausted herself and now, something new must grow.

She walked up to the house and climbed up the porch stairs. Suellen greeted her at the door and they sat together in the little parlor, drinking coffee and talking about the things that Scarlett saw at General Beauregard's rally.

At the end of the conversation, Suellen rose up and fetched some papers and showed them to Scarlett. "Now, Scarlett, don't get mad. I know these are basic calculations but I gone wrong somewhere and it isn't tallying properly. Could you please.."

Scarlett gazed at the sheet and replied quietly,"Its all right, Sue.. You were right to this part here and then you've muddled up the rest by leaving out these numbers! Here, I'll show you-"

"How nice of you to do all this for me-" remarked Suellen happily.

Scarlett finished the tally and while handing back the papers she asked ,"Sue, what do you think of Mother?"

Suellen, who was still skimming through Scarlett's writing, distractedly replied, "Mother? I pray for her soul often-"

"I was asking about what you thought of her as a person-"

Here Suellen paused and thought a moment. "I'd like to think of Mother as someone who worked hard and managed everyrhing. And after her, you are the next best hardworking O Hara this family's got!"

"But don't you wish Mother had been more affectionate? Dont you think that might have made you feel less anxious about.. about.."

Scarlett struggled to explain for she could not understand her own feelings. "Well, how about getting along with your friends? You were always anxious weren't you?!"

Suellen shrugged. "I dont see what Mother could have done about that-"

"But dont you see, if Mother had been more adventurous, we might been different?"

"How?" asked Suellen, dumbly.

"I dont know!" cried Scarlett, annoyed. "Don't you feel irritated when you have to..to..talk about yourself with others? Goodness knows.. Its always hard with people judging and complaining and gossiping-"

Suellen looked maddeningly vague again. Suddenly she brightened up and said "I think I know what you mean, Scarlett. You mean that when ,for example, Hetty Tarleton doesnt share anything about her fiance, I must respond by not telling my own secrets!"

"No!" cried Scarlett, losing her temper. "God's nightgown! I thought you would have more sense than this, Suellen! Here I am trying to have a decent conversation with you and you sound so stupid!"

"Well,this is what comes of asking you to help me with arithmetic. You think you know everything,Scarlett!"

Suellen stormed off and Will who had come in and witnessed the last part of their talk, smiled and said "You are wasting your time with her,Scarlett..she has no idea about the thing you said just now-"

"Then what was she so anxious about? She was always so worried that she couldn't meet her old friends again!"

"Oh..that's just to look at the latest fashions, eat dainties and sew patterns. Suellen only goes for that sort of thing. She gets anxious enough when she doesn't get enough of that alone!"


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

Scarlett returned to her own home in Atlanta. As she walked through the halls, she felt she had made a huge round-about turn and landed right back from where she had started. She felt trapped and caged in. But for once she could not blame her feelings on anybody else because for once, the person clinging to her skirts was her own self.

As she walked about her room, she caught sight of Ashley turning to walk down her driveway. She threw up her hands in exasperation because the last person she wanted to see just then was Ashley Wilkes.

* * *

"Well Scarlett, what did you think of General Beauregard's addresses to his crowd? Did you find it interesting?"

Scarlett felt her temper flaring up just at the coolness of Ashley's casual words. "Poor thing! He doesn't realize how his words are tormenting me! But pity me..! How will I ever get through this wretched visit without losing my temper or hurting my feelings?!" wondered Scarlett as she sipped her coffee and breathed hard to control her temper.

Scarlett described the rally as nonchalantly as possible but when she got to the cable car ride, she fancied she saw a faint smirk on Ashley's face. It wasn't hateful or deliberate but merely a true authentic expression of pity for the futility of the General's practical ideas.

Scarlett felt bristled.

Ashley began to talk, "You see Scarlett, there are some ideas that cannot be promoted or sold to the people in just a day or a week. Things like equal rights and same schools and transport.. these ideas take their own time to grow-"

"I thought all the people gathered there were having the most marvelous time listening to the General. I think they understood every word he was saying! He did sound extremely intellectual."

"Yes, you would have thought this to be so-" replied Ashley with a faint smile.

Scarlett snapped out in anger. "You think I don't notice these things. You..you think I don't look for the meaning in things! That I'm not capable!"

The words had a magical effect. Ashley stopped smiling and looked grave.  
"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Scarlett. I never meant to do so."

Scarlett looked distraught and stood up to go to the window. When she spoke, Ashley could only see the back of her head.

"Tell me, how would you convey the ideas, Ashley? What would you do?"

"I would know that if this was a difficult idea and based on that I guess I would prepare the people's minds. I'd like to think of their minds like empty cotton fields and each idea is a seed. Once you plant a seed you can't keep digging up the dirt and bringing out the sprout and saying "Look! Look! See how much it has grown! Keep planting cotton seeds.. they do grow!" No one can promote the growth of a seed. What it requires is a period of germination. When a person talks of an idea, the ones listenting must receive that idea and they must think about it in the quiet of their homes. Ideas take time to grow. They cannot be promoted in the manner the General wants them to be!"

Scarlett softened a little for she liked the example of the cotton field and ideas but then she replied, "Maybe your way of conveying ideas is the right way or even the better way, Ashley. But think of the people at the rally. These are ordinary folk who have homes to keep, meals to cook and jobs to work in- They can't stand all day or week to listen while others prattle on and one about big ideas."

Ashley nodded patronizingly.

Scarlett continued with determination. "It doesn't mean they cannot understand big ideas. It's just that they need to be interested in it. And if you want to secure the interest of ordinary people, you have to make these rallies into a sortof game where people win prizes. Everybody loves to win and they love to have this feeling that they've walked away with something real , here and now- And the General is doing just that. The cable car rides, the lotteries.. why they are all being done just to interest the common folks- They are practical ideas!"

Scarlett thought Ashley would dismiss her ideas but to her surprise, he looked at her with quiet respect.

"You have changed, Scarlett." said Ashley, as if noticing her for the first time. "I can't agree with everything you said but yes, I do understand your point of view. Sometimes, immediate rewards do interest several people. I remember our bazaars and different balls and parties held just to interest people in the idea of giving their belongings to the Confedracy. Scarlett, you could take this initiative of yours to a new level-"

"I was thinking of opening this house again to political meetings. Oh Ashley, do you really think there is any chance in it?"asked Scarlett, her eyes shining with the happiness of being understood for the first time.

"Oh yes, why not? But it would need careful planning-"

"I am never one for planning" sighed Scarlett inwardly. She stared out of the window, wondering what to do.


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

Scarlett anxiously paced the floor of her room. Whenever she heard the crunching of gravel, she flew to the window to look and walked back, chewing her lip in frustration. Yesterday, Maybelle Merriweather had dropped by to hear about her trip to General Beauregard's rally. Scarlett was careful to let enough hints into the conversation about Rhett having met her there and how they had spoken and sat together with the children. Scarlett knew that Maybelle would spread the news by that evening and she made sure that the people of Atlanta were informed that she and Rhett were still on friendly terms. But ever since Maybelle had left, Scarlett was consumed with anxiety. She wanted to know what everyone thought of her. If there was any sympathy for her. If anyone took her side and could give her comfort. She had come to the end of her rope.

"I can't go to Tara, I know what's there for me- I.. I can't live here like this.. day after day the same people, the same things to do- I can't.. I wish I could scream!" she cried to herself as she paced faster, clutching at her aching head. Suddenly she stopped. She heard footsteps on the front driveway gravel and she ran to the window to look. "Oh, Maybelle! Just..just wait a moment, I'm coming down terrectly!" she exclaimed in a mixture of gratitude and relief.

* * *

"I think this is a very good sign" said Maybelle, sipping her cup of coffee and looking at Scarlett through her wide eyes. "Rhett coming to the rally to see you and Wade. That is a very good sign that he still cares about you, Scarlett-"

Scarlett nodded her head trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. "I.. I'm glad that is what everybody else thinks-"

"I haven't told what you said to me to anyone else!" cried Maybelle, horrified. "Scarlett dear! How could I? It was told in confidence!"

"Oh" replied Scarlett, sullenly. "Of course!"

"Of course, Mother has to know-" continued Maybelle, vaguely embarrassed. "She demanded to know-"

"What did she say?" asked Scarlett, feverishly. Right now, she could settle even for Mrs. Merriweather's words- as long as they were comforting words!.

"Mother said Rhett was always a contrary person-"

"Contrary!" cried Scarlett, with relief. "Yes of course! Of course, Rhett was always contrary!"

"Yes!" cried Maybelle, getting excited at the emotion in Scarlett's voice.

"What else did she say?"

"She thought he was enigmatic"

"What does that mean?" asked Scarlett, nonplussed.

"It means it is very hard to understand Rhett- as a person-"

"Hmmm" replied Scarlett, wondering how she could switch back the conversation to herself.

"What did you understand about Rhett, Scarlett? I'm afraid I've rather been at awe with Rhett Butler ever since her bought that satin wedding gown for me. "And there have been so many things going on with him in this town and to think you were the only women who- Well, I know he must love you deeply-"

"Rhett likes to appear contrary" said Scarlett, with a shrug. "And he likes to understand people- I suppose that is the reason why he ends up offending them-"

"But it is not necessary to understand people in order to get along with them" replied Maybelle, thoughtfully. "But Mother wonder how you could ever really get him back- secure him, so as to say.. now that he is used to so much freedom!"

"What?!" cried Scarlett, her eyebrows rushing together in fury. "Why..Rhett doesn't like to be harnessed and rode on like a mule!"

"Scarlett, do calm down- I was only repeating what Mother said. There are few men who have trouble committing to a marriage-"

"Is that what she said!?"

"No. But it is the general feeling-"

"OH!" cried Scarlett, raising her hand to clutch at her neck. "Do they think that is my fault?!"

"No..no of course not!" cried Maybelle, vexed. "Scarlett dear-"

"How could it be my fault?"

"No one could do as much as you, Scarlett and you've always been so daring and adventurous. But this is a different kind of trouble, isn't it? Not a very adventurous one-"

"Rhett will come back just as soon as he gets over Bonnie's death. He..he just wasn't the same after Bonnie died-"

"Oh dear, yes! Of course.. he became so aloof and mysterious after little Bonnie Blue's demise. But it must have been a thrill to see him so unexpectedly at the rally- almost as if you were seeing a stranger- He must have looked as charming as ever-"

"Is that what people say.. that..that.. Rhett has become this aloof and mysterious stranger-" Scarlett's heart skipped a beat at these words. Suddenly she decided upon her future course of action. She had assumed signs of a gloomy future ahead based on a few disparate points. Now she threw them to the wind and looked upon getting back Rhett as a long problem. A problem she would solve not with her usual quick thinking but with slow, sure steps in consideration of people's views and feelings.

She knew her life at this stage was leading up to something crucial and decisive. She was sure of it now. The change had already begun.


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

Scarlett stood at the pier, her thick curly hair being blown out of her hat by the strong wind. She shaded her eyes from the sun and pulled her veil closer as she squinted at the approaching boat. It was a little ferry boat and a man helped her inside. She stood inside the boat, gazing intently across the sea at the little sea fort that was to be her destination. They reached the island safetly and Scarlett stepped onto the rocks and walked carefully up the winding path to the grounds of Fort Sumter.

She looked all around and impulsively removed her glove and ran her hand over the stout cannons that were still harnessed against the fort walls. A shiver ran through her spine and with a smile she pulled out a little diary and began to write the date and the words "Fort Sumter". She turned to a young man beside her and said "Now Tom, I want you to tell me everything that happened here. I want to know the details-"

The young man earnestly began the story of how the first firing at the Fort and the Star of the West began the Civil War.

Scarlett scribbled away quickly, making jottings and writing out short paragraphs. As she wrote, she began to realize that she had dismissed a great deal of history in her early years.

"So, the Fort was a place of authority for both the North and the South?" she echoed, wondering at how she could have missed the strong feelings that sparked the war between the Union and the Confederacy.

"Yes" replied the young man with enthusiasm. "We were seceding and we weren't sure of Abe Lincoln's intentions- Ma'am, the Yankees never wanted to do anything with the Blacks. They wanted to change everything ...everything that we held dear..our people, our way of life without actually understanding what was really going on here. "

"Yes...yes, I know" cut in Scarlett, not wanting to get into any complicated sentimental discussions. "Who is Major Anderson?"-"

"He was the leader of the small garrison, Ma'am - that was holding out here at the Fort. And when Mister Lincoln did send food to this fort, we opened fire on the boat that carried the food thinking there was going to be guns in there too-"

Scarlett wrote quickly, her tongue slipping out just a little with the effort. "I wonder if they simply couldn't have talked to the Yankees- after all the fort was a common place of authority and -"

"No Ma'am-" replied Tom, immediately. "Mister Lincoln was against us from the start- either way, it would have meant war-"

"How do you know?"

"Because Mister Lincoln said it wouldn't be democratic for the South States to separate from the Union.. He though the slavery problem was everybody's problem-"

"But that is not true!" cried Scarlett, growing furious with anger that Tom began to smile lightly. Scarlett noticed the smile and merely kept scribbling in her little book.

She began to walk down the path that ran along the fort walls. As Tom continued to explain and relate the events of the past, Scarlett discovered the reasons behind her father's passionate bellowings at Tara and why things had to take the course that they did.

"Of course the slaves would escape to the North and Yankees wouldn't want to concern themselves with capturing runaway slaves-" reasoned Scarlett to herself. "But to accuse the Southern people of going against democracy was too much! No wonder Pa was so angry!"

"Both General Beauregard and President Jefferson Davis agreed that it was hostility on Mister. Lincoln's part to send the fleet to Fort Sumter, even if they were carrying only food- He played a mean trick on us, Ma'am-"

Scarlett set her book down for a moment and smiled. "And to think we were all so proud about the Cause and that we've declared war...when all the while it was Mister Lincoln who had tricked us into firing our cannons!"

"Yes Ma'am-"said the young man, beaming.

Now Scarlett could understand why her beaus had run to training and practise with the fervor that they had gone with. They had fired the first salvo and now they had to keep up the spirit or else their pride would suffer- Now she could stop thinking of Ashley's barbeque party as the place where her heart was first broken to the place where she had heard the men dispute over the outcomes of the war and where they had rushed off to battle against the Yankees. She remembered how passionate they had been and how they had raced to their horses and-

Here Scarlett stopped writing and turned about abruptly. "I want to see the other forts- You did say there was a Fort Moultrie and Castle Pinckey? I want to look at them all!"


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

Scarlett returned late that evening to her hotel. It was a small, quaint little place that looked out over the Charleston Harbor. Her feet were swollen in her shoes from walking over the sea forts and she had a faint headache. She slipped off her boots and sank into bed, her eyelids dropping in fatigue. But instead of sleep, her old nightmare came back again. At first, as Scarlett ran through the mist, she seemed to wonder in shock at how she could dream this dream again. It was returning after such a long time. Why was it appearing again? And there were things reaching at her from the fog and she was running and searching for safety. Scarlett cried in her sleep and woke up upset and afraid. She quickly lighted the oil lamp and sat up in her bed. A window nearby was open and sea breeze blew the curtains of her room. She wandered over to the window and looked out. She saw several ships moored at the harbor and a few out at sea.

Suddenly tears brimmed her eyes as she remembered Maybelle's words about how everyone in Atlanta were thinking badly of her. Or something akin to that. She thought about how she had relied on Rhett's strength to see her through everything. And now he was gone and she had no one. The tears fell softly down her cheek and she cried till her heart ached.

Then suddenly as her tears subsided, she frowned and remembered having spent too much time walking along the walls of Fort Moultrie and having missed her boat to Castle Pinckney. She remembered waiting in the hot sun with just a little veil to cover her face and then, she remembered having missed her lunch. She put her hand to her stomach and could feel her tummy rumbling with hunger. Feeling embarassed, she walked over to her side table to see if the steward had cleared away all her sandwiches from the morning. The side table was empty and wiped clean. Now Scarlett was truly hungry and she quickly rummaged her bag, looking for something to eat. She found an apple and began to eat it. As she ate, she smiled to herself at her own silliness. She had missed her lunch and even her evening tea. No wonder she had the dream! But it wasn't hunger! Oddly enough, she had had a wonderful day! She remembered the only other day just like this one being the last day of her honeymoon when Rhett had been angry with her and she had eaten that huge lobster for dinner. She had been out all day that day too.

Then she remembered having angered Rhett the night before. What had they been fighting over? Oh yes.. Ashley! Scarlett vaguely remembered that fight. Why had she been so cross with Rhett? She should have cleared the air about Ashley and herself. Why couldn't she have just-

"But I thought I had loved Ashley then" she told herself, dazedly, as if in a dream. "Oh what a mistake that was. I lost Rhett because of that-"

Now she remembered how her decision to love Ashley and torment Ashley led her to have married Charles, move out from Tara to Aunt Pitty's house, support Melanie, and -

"That was three more mouths to feed..and all of Melanie's soldiers- And all the losses in Ashley's Mill-"

And all her fiercest and most bitter arguments with Rhett had been regarding Ashley Wilkes. She wondered why that had ever happened so. She wondered why she had been so critical of Rhett. Yes, Rhett had been exasperating. But her words had been rather cruel and that too over Ashley. She should have made up with Rhett just then. She should have talked to him when he came in drunk instead of strutting away coldly. She should have stopped herself from deepening their conflicts. Now she remembered how many times her Mother and Mammy had called her attention to the feelings of others. They had preached and chastised her so much during her early years that she simply turned off that little voice in her that told her to stop prolonging difficult arguments, to sit down and listen to other people's feelings.. She had turned off that part of herself. And now it was showing up in strange ways.

She wondered why she had never addressed Rhett's drinking and constant smoking. Why hadn't she ever pointed out the outlandishness of his ideas? Yes, they were good ideas in theory but they were terrible in practise. No wonder Rhett didn't have meaningful experiences-

Here she stopped and yawned. She walked back to her bed and fell asleep the instant her head sunk into the softness of her pillows.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

Scarlett sat in her carriage, sheilding her green eyes from the slanting rays of the sun and looked down the curving path of the Battery. From her vantage point, she could see the Butler residence. The driver had stopped the carriage here at her order. She had said that she wanted to enjoy the view of the sea. But the truth was different. As Scarlett gazed at the house, although her mind convinced her that knocking on that door and visiting Mrs. Butler would be good for her and perhaps she might even meet Rhett again, something else..a vague feeling, which almost seemed surreal seemed to gnaw at her heart. She could see herself entering the house and trying once again to play the part of a repentant wife and making entreaties.. But something in her revolted almost violently at this image.

She seemed to equate entering the house to a lifetime of captivity. While her mind convinced her that entering that house would be the best way for everyone, her heart disagreed with a fury that was too strong for Scarlett to fathom.

She felt anxious and pensive, which was unlike her usual, vivacious self.

She sat there,her fingers twisting in vexation. Suddenly the image of her mother as Holy Mary flashed before her eyes. She remembered how her mother and father never felt together. They were so different. And it was a mystery that they needed each other so much. And then she remembered her father often leaving her mother behind on the plantation to take care of the slaves and do all the management. She pictured herself in the same role now. She fell back in her seat with a sick feeling in her stomach. No, she couldn't.. She couldn't possibly.. She'd rather die than live like that..! It was like a noose. A perfect noose coming around her neck. She couldnt possibly surrender. Not unless...

When she saw Rhett leave, she knew she was losing her soul and yet his feelings were caged just as hers were. But something he did.. His tendancy to disappear, his tendancy to be guarded had changed something in her. She no longer felt it absolutely necessary to go back to Rhett. And the maddening thing was she didnt know why. She couldn't pinpoint the reason with accuracy.

Or if she must sacrifice herself as her own mother did?

Scarlett felt a wave of anger and realized for the first time that she really wanted to know why Ellen O Hara had found it absolutely necessary to abandon her family in Savannah and come down to Georgia for her father's sake. She never understood why. After all, she kept returning to Tara. In marriages, her love for Tara was constant. Why didnt Ellen feel the same about Savannah?!

"So, how about it Mrs. Butler? We cant start here for long, the sun would give you a headache. Shall I drive on?" said the driver, interrupting her thoughts.

Scarlett replied "Yes drive on but dont stop anywhere. I'd like to visit the shops down the mainstreet just once before you take me back to the hotel. I intend to leave for Savannah tomorrow. If you could bring around the carriage in the morning-"

"Yes, of course, Mrs. Butler!"


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

Scarlett was now in Savannah. She was stepping on the soil of her Mother's home town after so many years and to her plesant surprise, the war hadn't wiped out everything. Some of the old architecture still stood proud and elegant. The city hadn't been burnt to the ground!

Once she settled into a good hotel, she took out the letter which her Aunt Pauline had written back to her and ran her finger down the list of names - probable acquaintences and friends of Ellen Robillard during her girlhood. She had already written to some of the people mentioned in the list and had received replies from a few of them. But Scarlett was particularly interested in visiting a Ms. Anne Musgrove who has been a school friend to Ellen.

As her carriage turned down the cobble-stone street, she leaned out the window and saw a small, pretty-ish house with a small pre-war cast iron balcony. A middle-aged lady sat on that balcony, wearing a wide brimmed sun hat and a maid standing behind her watering her potted plants that lined the balcony ledge. When Scarlett neared the gate, the woman followed the coach with her eyes and Scarlett knew that her observer was Ms. Musgrove. She wore a black taffeta gown just like the one her Mother used to wear and that same black chignon high up on her neck. Yes, there was a definite similarity. Perhaps, Ms. Musgrove might be able to provide the answers to Scarlett's questions.

* * *

"Ellen was my dearest friend" said Anne Musgrove as she sipped her tea and regarded Scarlett across the small parlour tea table. "Now, you are her eldest, aren't you? Scarlett O'Hara- that's a sweet name."

"My Mother had three little boys before me- Only incidentally, I became the eldest-" replied Scarlett, with a charming smile.

"That's right. You told me all this at first. I do need more time remembering these facts." Anne sighed lightly. "So much has happened after Ellen left the Savannah. She never wrote back, you know- She was too unhappy-"

"But Mother always thought well of her Aunts and Uncles-"

"Oh no- I meant the place, dear- after everything that happened-"

"Well-" said Scarlett, smiling shyly and then looked up, hoping that she looked earnest and pained enough for the lady to explain why her Mother felt it necessary to forget her hometown and surrender herself to Gerald O'Hara.

"Ellen was the most loving person, Scarlett. She looked quiet and shy on the outside but she was full of life to the ones who really knew her. She never came to the fore front - oh no! She was always behind the stage- so to speak.. listening to her friends, making a joke or two, giving earnest advice.. She never liked her father much. He was a proud man and he directed everybody in the family. Her Mother was extremely outspoken and a daring lady. Very much opposite to Ellen in disposition. Her father was very surprised when the news came out that Phillippe was in love with Ellen Robillard-"

Here, Anne Musgrove hesitated a little. "You must understand Ellen's disposition, Scarlett- She wanted to be loved for who she was. And that was enough for her. She was nothing but pure heart and love. And in a way, Phillippe understood that. He knew that although Ellen was in a difficult family, as a person, she was free and was in her own original nature and he did love her. And Ellen loved him for it. She told me that she had never felt that kind of love in her life."

"Oh" replied Scarlett, a little sullen. Inwardly she felt annoyed and vaguely depressed.

"But it happened so long ago" said Ms. Musgrove, quickly. "I am very sorry I got carried away, dear-"

"That's all right." replied Scarlett.

"She must have led a very different life as the wife of Mr. O'Hara-"

"Mother was happy with Pa..Father" replied Scarlett, bristled. "She ran Tara- although she always gave the credit to Pa.. Father- But what I don't understand is, how could Mother have been so hurt by this one small thing? How could she..for so many years..?"

Ms. Anne smiled lightly. "Oh Scarlett, you are so different. I see you are the kind of person who can summon up the courage to do what's best for the family, even if it means sacrificing you own feelings in the matter- But not everyone is like you, dear- Perhaps your Mother could not see past her own individuality. Perhaps that was her blind spot. Everybody has theirs. And she needed someone- she needed someone to lean on. She was so dependant by nature- Phillippe Robillard promised to save her- to prevent her from slipping into the opinions and concerns of others- She needed him and he was going to be everything to her!"

"Oh!" cried Scarlett, for the first time understanding the seriousness of the bond between her Mother and her dark-eyed cousin.

"It was a real bond" said Ms. Musgrove, mildly amused by the reaction she had caused in Scarlett. "But it happened so long ago!"

"But she loved Pa too-"

"Yes, she must have!" agreed the lady, nodding her head. "Mr. O'Hara in a way saved her. She did leave her family with her pride still intact- Her family felt genuinely distraught after she left. Her father, I think, died of a broken heart. But he just didn't understand Ellen. His was an independent nature. Like yours- If she had married Phillippe, she would have stayed more true to herself, I think. But I do blame Ellen for not seeing the turn things would take. Phillippe Robillard was the dark horse of the family. He drank more than a gentleman ought to drink and he lost more money than a gentleman ought to lose. He was always found in saloons and barroms, gambling with unsavoury, disreputable hooligans. Bringing such disgrace to the family. He was a constant thorn in their side. Ellen should have known the turn things would take when she declared her love for Phillippe! How could her father approve of such a match?! No man believes in that kind of sublime love!"

Scarlett inwardly shrunk at these words.

"Mother raised us to be great ladies- That was what the people of Georgia expected from her and she did it with all earnestness. But of course if we had been Phillippe's children-"

Scarlett cast her mind back and she saw the image of Ellen, living in a smaller house, with poorer clothes and looking happy and hearty with Phillippe by her side and all her three children being allowed to be who they really were- there would have been more kindness ,more time to love and be happy-"

"Phillippe was her soul-" she said, her voice shaking lightly.

"We all have blind spots in our nature, Scarlett. And in a way, we are dependant on certain people to be the best we can ever be- Ellen knew she lost her chance when Philippe died- So, she settled for a second best. Mr. O'Hara no doubt loved and cared for her-"

"Pa worshipped her!" said Scarlett. "But I don't think he ever thought that she could be more than what she was- Oh! Mother should have waited! She should have waited so that Pa knew exactly who she was..and then maybe he could have-"

Ms. Musgrove smiled. "Oh Scarlett, why are you worrying so? Your Mother had many faults and she was still happy and she's gone now. Why should all this matter now? You are not so emotional. And you are not so dependant too. Why do you analyse the things that cannot be changed? You must live your life and make the best of whatever life has offered to you."


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

Although Scarlett was never analytical by nature, when presented with a clear pattern of how her own Mother had been hurt during her girlhood, she could now understand how the hurt had been carried on. With no help from Gerald, Ellen had been stuck with popular opinions and moulded her three girls in her own Savannah upbringing adhering to her instruction through minute details. If Scarlett would be more sedate then the men would favour her. If Scarlett would be more sweet tempered, she would make more friends among the girls. If Scarlett would.. If she only could.. If she might.. ought.. should.. It was all towards a hopeful future. But that future had changed when the war came.

Now that the truth stood out as clear as day, Scarlett felt a great release of emotion. She didn't cry. But she laughed. It all seemed so sad yet delicate, fragile yet profound.. Now, her childhood began to make sense. And she began to see her own self so vulnerable to the versions of the future predicted by her Mother's reproaches and careful instructions. And stories of her soul going to hell. Now she understood the impact of those stories on her own fears and insecurities. She pressed her lips to a thin line.

* * *

Two years went by. Scarlett was an extremely busy woman now. She extended the rooms in her Peachtree mansion. Four new rooms has been added and interestingly they had been designed and decorated after the long gone style of the Old South. She hired more servants and retired Pork. Pork went back to Tara to help at the farm. Prissy had married and was going to have a baby soon. Scarlett supervised the food in the kitchen. The cook knew how to make tea and various dishes as they made it in the Savannah, Virginia, Charleston etc.. Scarlett built two large conference rooms, a library and a large, cheerful room where people could sit around and do anything they pleased.. there were plenty of chairs and newspapers., ashtrays and spittoons..

The first important meeting between old Generals, the Governor and a few dignitaries occurred there in December. Normally these meetings would end in a verbal spat and people would walk out sullenly and the next meeting would almost never take place. But Scarlett provided guestrooms. The speakers stayed at her mansion and while they stayed, she raised their spirits with music, food and culture of the times gone by.

Scarlett picked up old paintings, sculptures, writings and even a portrait or two of the great leaders of the Confederacy. The people of Atlanta were highly sceptical at first but when they entered the house and came into the conference room, they saw paintings of the firings on Fort Sumter and small beautiful inscriptions of courage and infallible spirit. The rooms were practically furnished and very sedate and cheerful. Scarlett had displays of the old Confederacy notes and letters. She really had a lovely little museum inside too.

The men stayed over in the guestrooms and the conference resumed the next day. This kind of arrangement made it possible for definite policies to be framed and the first time a four day conference came through successfully, good opinion spread abroad of Mrs. Butler's excellent accommodations and patriotic sprit. Soon Scarlett's house was booked and buzzing with people. It became a place of action.

Scarlett herself was much altered in appearance now. She wore clothes of refined taste. She walked slower now and she was more firm and extremely persuasive in her hospitality to her guests. Slowly she became an influential person and she was approached more than once by the governor to help him bring about important alliances and business deals.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

It was rather by strange chance and fortune or even divine intervention that Scarlett began to meet and take interest in the political men who gathered at her house. At first she was inclined to dismiss their conversations as something above her own understanding. But as her guests stayed at her house, she began to remember their routines and habits and a certain familiarity began to steal into her associations with them. Slowly she was drawn to emotionally charged discussions and fierce arguments. While her heart raced with emotion, she watched feverishly as the men grappled with each other. And amongst them, she discerned and admired a few who waded through difficult emotions with humility and grace. There was once even a general staying at her house and the general's hands trembled whenever he was forced to recall anything even remotely related to the battle at Virginia. But never once did the general try to supress his emotions. He seemed to draw certain pride in his memories and the ensuing sadness did not swallow him up. He was not destroyed but rather he appeared wiser and more trustworthy. And from being in the company of wiser, older men, she began developing an entirely different set of values.

Sometimes she cast her mind to her childhood days when she mostly ran around with the black children around Tara. Her mother had neglected her social needs almost entirely and she had picked up peasant like ways of dealing with money and people. She often realized this with inward shame but the shame slowly disappeared. Every once in a while she would grow sad and then as the business of living her life pushed and pulled her through each day, she learned to accept her own limitations and even in a rare moment, could laugh at herself for being that way.

* * *

By the end of the first year itself, Rhett began to visit her house. She never forgot the day when she saw him standing coolly next to Mr. Ezra Williams , newly elected chairman of the agricultural department on her doorstep. Scarlett had just then stepped out and when she heard Rhett's low drawling voice and saw the tip of his hat appearing round the door's edge, she raced back into the safety of her room and bit back tears. She never gave much thought to Rhett during the past few months although he had generously supplied her with enough funds on her new venture.

She had given up on her romantic ideals a long time ago and in her mind, she began to consider Rhett as nothing more than a friend. Of course, they must remain married because although they lost Bonnie, Ella and Wade were still there and they loved Uncle Rhett. Scarlett still did not want to disgrace the family with a divorce. She did not mind the space in her relationship because she was never very feminine to begin with. So, months back she began to convince herself that to drag Rhett through the emotional chasm of their marriage would be too unfair on him and had excused him of that fate. Instead, she was resigned to live on half-truths and the occasional white lie.

But the instant she saw Rhett, she knew she had projected all her own uncomfortable feelings onto him. Although she had developed herself well enough now, she was inwardly terrified at how she or anybody in the world could help her patch things up between herself and Rhett.

She reluctantly left her room and greeted her guests. When her eyes met Rhett's she saw he had come out of true interest in seeing how she had remodelled the house and how she had become so successful. Suddenly she could see that Rhett wanted to be in the company of such truly fine people and this was something he had expected from her a long time ago. And it was coming a little late but he was here to enjoy it nevertheless. When she realized this, a measure of calmness crept into her body. She held out her hand to Rhett and let him kiss her hand. Mr. Ezra was a hearty man and his cheerful talk covered up the awkwardness of Scarlett and Rhett's first meeting in a whole year.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

Scarlett decided to be present when that particular meeting began. She gave a charming smile as she entered the hall on the arm of the seniormost gentlemen there and chose to sit on a chair that was as far away from Rhett as possible. The meeting began cordially enough on very light introductions and the morning coffee was served. While Scarlett sat as demurely as possible, out of the corner of her eye, she watched Rhett. Was he sincere in coming back to the house? Or was he still the perverse wretch she knew him to be? When the maid walked around collecting the empty cups and trays, Scarlett excused herself and slipped out.

She twisted the meeting's agenda in her hands as she anxiously paced the corridor outside. What did Rhett mean by coming here after all these months? She felt that she was trying to keep her head above the waters of her emotional turmoil and if she could only cause the same turmoil in him, his reactions would help her conquer her own avoidance.

But such an opportunity never came. When the meeting was momentarily adjourned for lunch, Rhett had quietly left. Scarlett had missed his exit and she felt disappointed and vaguely aggrieved. But as the month wore on, Rhett made his appearance three times. Each time, he was polite and respectful. But he also avoided talking to her when they were alone and stayed just one time for lunch and dinner. He got along very well with the gentlemen there and usually he never noticed her when he was in some deep conversation with them. But during his fourth visit, Scarlett was startled when she suddenly felt Rhett's hand on her elbow.

"I hope I am not causing you too much discomfort in my being here, Scarlett. But you must realize that when so much of my money is being put to use in your new venture, I must visit once in a while to know just what this is all about-"

Scarlett moved back in surprise and smiled lightly. "Do you like it? Do you like what I've done to this place?"

Rhett shrugged nonchalantly. "The people here are finer than your friends of the past. I can't say I prefer being cooped up in stifling rooms like this full of cigar smoke and gloomy paintings staring down at me- Whatever happened to the Scarlett I once knew? Shouldn't the décor here be something modern and flashy, smelling of money .. I think that was more your style. Ah, I see I've annoyed you. Maybe you've changed .. no.. grown a bit.. "

With that, he directed a gaze so focussed and disconcerting that Scarlett quickly walked away. When she turned around, he wasn't there. "That varmint" she cursed, under breath.

* * *

But the very thing that Scarlett had wished for came in the most unexpected way. Scarlett remembered on the morning of the fourth meeting that She had long ago invited Ashley Wilkes to be a member of that conference and he had agreed. But he would be late and would probably come by the afternoon. Ashley had somehow drifted away from the social crowd and by submerging himself in books and ideals, he had become almost unreachable by several of the men who had held him in high esteem before. He never hesitated to do small tasks around the house now and although he looked calm and composed on the outside, there was a haunting look of despair that could be seen in his eyes. But whenever Scarlett called on him, his spirits revived and he looked more cheery and optimistic.

Scarlett forgot that Ashley was coming until she heard his voice at the door and saw him step into the house. Instantly she knew what to do.

"Oh Ashley, I was beginning to be quite worried that you wouldn't make it to our little party! Now come with me, I want to introduce you to Mr. Richards. He is from Macon and he knew the old family-"

It was a cheap trick but Scarlett was on a small hunch. The last time when Rhett spoke to her was when she first began to notice that Rhett was bluffing at his own emotions. Instead of telling het that he was enjoying being in the company of learned and respectable men, he chose to convey his intention of coming to her mansion in a very dry, very rational way and Scarlett knew that something was off. While in the past, she chose to ignore this habit of Rhett's to be maddeningly logical, she realized for the first time that Rhett was not only being insincere, but he was also ignoring his extremely obvious emotions.

She could see that he came there because he liked it. But he did not admit it. And now she had a hunch that he was not capable of reading his own feelings. "Perhaps there is hope for me yet!" she thought, wildly.

Throughout lunch, Scarlett was loudly attentive to Ashley, urging the servant girl to bring in some of Ashley's favourite dishes and ensuring that Ashley was seated in the best seat possible, close to the fire and yet in the heart of the small crowd. She drew back the curtains to bring more light into the room and cited Ashley as the cause for these changes. She even had a small piano brought in and requested Ashley for some old compositions- And when Ashley looked surprised and pleased, Scarlett took great concern in the way his horse was tied up at the stables and called to the stable boy to take Mr. Wilke's horse for a walk in the warm weather so that the beast would be properly exercised.

When she first began paying attention to Ashley, Scarlett looked at Rhett and saw his face extremely expressionless and his eyes bland and unreadable. But this time, she did not miss seeing his hands curled up into tight fists within his pockets. When she saw it, she realized with a triumphant glow that she was indeed creating some kind of tension in Rhett for her courtesy to Ashley Wilkes.

"Does he still think I love him?"

"Is he jealous of us?"

"What does he hope to get from me?" she wondered as she continued to subtly provoke Rhett.

When the evening came to an end, and most of her guests had retired, Rhett approached Scarlett once again. "I see you are still hankering after Ashley Wilkes, Scarlett. I always said you were free to divorce me if you liked- Why go through all this hassle when you could be married to the man of your dreams-"

"You've always wanted to know about me and Ashley, haven't you, Rhett?" replied Scarlett, trying to understand the meaning behind the gleam in his eyes. "I hope you aren't going to change my mind once again by making violent love to me-"

She said this in the most charming way possible but the words had a huge impact on Rhett. He seemed to move back a few paces and regard her in a new light.

She laughed outright and he grinned back almost reluctantly.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

The house was quiet now and the servants began to lock up the windows and doors. "Won't you come into the library and rest your feet a bit, Rhett?" asked Scarlett, carrying a decanter half-filled with brandy and two glasses into the room.

"All right" said Rhett as he followed her into the library.

Once he sat down, he said "What do you want, Scarlett? From the way you were fawning all over Ashley Wilkes, I am still inclined to assume that this is all just an elaborate ruse to get me to sign a divorce petition of some sort-"

"I wish you wouldn't keep talking of divorce" replied Scarlett, handing him a glass of brandy. "You know I don't want one." She hesitated a bit before walking to a chair.

"Then what do you want , my love?" asked Rhett, we behind her. "Surely you still don't pine after my affection- especially after I have neglected you and left you in despair-"

Scarlet looked at him and then sipped her brandy. "Now, we can't go over that, again Rhett. I tried apologizing to you and you told me you couldn't stand me being humble. So, now that's over and done with. I can't keep apologizing forever-"

"I didn't expect you to-"

"But you keep telling me! Now, lets just talk about why you were so curious about me and Ashley- I know I'm not very good with ideas and clever thinking.. but I don't mind stepping out of my line a bit.. if its for you-"

Here Scarlett slowly raised her eyes and a kind of natural demureness crept into her gaze that Rhett stared at her steadily before walking to a nearby sofa. "If there's any truth to it-" he began, in a drawling tone.

"Oh its the truth, Rhett" cried Scarlett, earnestly. "Can't you see how tongue-tied I am? This kind of talk is hard for me but if this is what appeals to you-"

"Very nice of you to consider my feelings" cut in, Rhett, sarcastically. "All right, Scarlett.. what do you have to say?"

Scarlett smiled and her cheeks dimpled immediately. "Well, I really don't know how to start. But do you know this kind of thinking where a person sees pictures in their mind?"

Rhett frowned but nodded faintly.

"Well, I know it all sounds silly... but deep inside, that's the way I like to think.. in pictures. My earliest ideas of my own Mother was that she was wise, calm, loving ,kind and beautiful like Holy Mary. I carried that picture, you see... in my head.. Does .. does it sound very silly?"

"No. No.." replied Rhett. "Go on-"

"And.. and well when I said Ashley was just an old childhood habit, I lied there. Because you see, I myself didn't know what to make of it, Rhett. I was never very confident like you. But now, after everything that happened, I know that there was more to it.. you see.."

"Yes?"

"Well, I pictured Ashley Wilkes as Prince Charming from a fairy tale- honourable, noble, kind, generous, sublime and strong-"

"And what did you picture me as?" asked Rhett, getting curious, despite himself.

"I'll tell you in a minute. But there was more going on between me and Ashley than you knew before, Rhett. You remember, you wanted to know my mind? Well, I'll tell you why I was so caught up with Ashley and this little bit of deep understanding that I got from thinking about this-"

"I don't believe you." said Rhett, rising up. "I'm leaving now-"

"So am I" replied Scarlett. "I usually turn in for the night at about 10:00. Now its fifteen minutes past and its late already. I'm so tired I can hardly stand-"

Rhett looked at her with a blank expression on his face. "Well, good night then-"

Scarlett led him to the door and then as he put on his hat , she laughed and said "I never answered your question. I always pictured you as a pirate, Rhett-"

"A pirate?" echoed Rhett, with a grin.

"Yes. A pirate coming in to ravage and plunder. But this time, you aren't going to. There's more to me than you think and if you want to miss out on it, then it's your choice, Rhett Butler- No don't speak, just listen while I tell you that I am going to New Orleans next week and if you had any curiosity left in you, you would come there and we could spend a few days just talking ideas, if you like- And tell you all about me and Ashley- Allright?"

Rhett stared to turn around but she had already turned and climbed the stairs.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 62**

Scarlett stood impatiently on the sunlit dock. Her baggage had already been carried to her little cabin on the ferry to New Orleans by the little porter with a wooden leg. It had been one hour since and there was still no sign of Rhett.

Scarlett forced herself to not think of Rhett. This entire idea of going to New Orleans had been a huge bluff on her part. She had only meant to capitalize on Rhett's habit of ignoring how he felt about people. Perhaps in New Orleans, riding the same carriages, visiting the same places and walking down the same streets as they did during their honeymoon, several unavoidable memories might come up and Rhett might become more kind to her-

"Perhaps" thought Scarlett, her face twisting with pain that came intermingled with hope. Suddenly she caught sight of Rhett's hat half-hidden from view by a group of fellow ferry-travellers.

Sure enough, it was Rhett! And he was walking straight to her!

"Well, Rhett!" cried Scarlett, in pleasure and relief. "It was getting so late, I thought you were never coming!" She smiled at him and he kissed her hand but he did not move forward to lead her up the ramp and into their boat.

Scarlett looked at him steadily. "I see, you are still in two minds, Rhett. Well, let me tell you something. Before you come up with me on this ferry, I want you to know that it isn't entirely out of the goodness of my heart that I've called you here. We've always been very good at making deals with each other, haven't we? Whether we kept them or not? Well, this is the last deal. Are you listening?"

"Go ahead" said Rhett, lighting a cigar and supressing a cynical smile.

"I want another baby! No, don't laugh, Rhett. I am not joking. If you think I have taken the pains to arrange this trip just to talk ideas with you, then you are wrong. I don't mind. But that isn't what I came for. What I came for is another baby!"

"You'll get one when you divorce me and marry Ashley!" returned Rhett, calmly.

"If I wanted to divorce you, and if I really loved Ashley.. oh, but those things never happened, so what is the use of talking about them?! And darling, you haven't divorced me! Doesn't that tell you anything about yourself? I know it seems too much to ask after everything that's happened- But I've got to have another child! If I don't.. everything just turns meaningless. I could never live with that. I just couldn't"

Rhett looked at her for a long while.

The ferry sounded out loud. The people began to walk up the ramp.

"I admit I said once before that I wanted to have your mind. So, under all that charm and sharp talk, you _are_ searching for something meaningful." Rhett laughed softly. Then a bold, playful look came into his eyes.

"And now that you've told me what you wanted, let me tell you that I admire you for your frankness and I highly commend it. I find this new Scarlett a little frightening and perhaps even a little daunting but since you have been so kind as to show your hand, let me now show mine. I do not want to have another child with you. But since its part of your "deal", I won't promise you that you won't have a baby. You may or you may not. It depends. But you on the other hand have to state to reasons for not wanting Ashley. I do like to go after answers to questions that have plagued me for years and your "friendship" with Ashley Wilkes is one of them. I would be greatly obliged if you would give a conclusion to your unsavoury adventure into infidelity"

The ferry sounded again. Rhett offered his arm with a boyish grin on his face. Scarlett, looked annoyed and she saw the Captain beckoning the travellers to climb aboard. With a sigh, she took Rhett's arm and by the next booming bellow of the ferry, they were both off on their voyage to New Orleans.


End file.
